The Ten Trials 2

By LordVengeance -- Report

Part two; critique is requested for improvement. Thank you!

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Posted by French_snack 16 years ago Report

It's difficult for me to comment, because this really isn't my preferred type of story. As a general rule, I'm not interested in battles, duels, and heroes (even deeply flawed ones) facing extremely dangerous opponents in a fight to the death...

Having said that, it's well written. The descriptions are good, convincing, detailed, and flow smoothly. There is a genuine sense of challenge and danger, despite the inevitable outcome.

I'm not sure what else to say, really... Perhaps one imperfection is that we have little or no sense of the characters, beyond their fighting skill, determination and approach to conflict. They're not really fleshed out, made three-dimensional. I know the narrator is supposed to be shrouded in mystery, so I suppose it would be difficult to combine his nature with a more detailed presentation, but it does make it less easy to connect with him - or care that much about him, really. Still, perhaps that's in keeping with the grim, brutal and fairly dehumanising atmosphere. (And I don't mean that as criticism; it's simply a narrative choice.)