Posted by maleperduis 13 years ago Report

Well as with most of you stories it's absolutely wonderful and very sexy if verging on being a tad too depressing.

Interested to notice you're doing a relatively long series, it would be interesting to see how this setting would develop if there was some radical change in the status quo... though I geuss that might detract from what you find enjoyable about the setting in the first place

Posted by maleperduis 13 years ago Report

Er I should say too depressing for me, obviously you can make it as dark as you want

Posted by Tobedumped 13 years ago Report

To be honest, this one's a little weird for me too-- I've worked on it off and on for a long time and it kind of developed a sick life of its own. It started off with the scene of poor Dana in the exam and eventually the rest of the story was built around that. I'm still working on finding the balance on this one; do I fill it with enough ethics to make it interesting or do I try to make it less dark so it can be more accessible.

One thing I really like is how the character of Lori developed as I wrote the story. I always like to think about potential sequels to my stories, and she might see one someday.

Posted by Tobedumped 13 years ago Report

Oops! I almost forgot to say thanks for reading and thank you for the thoughts!

Posted by maleperduis 13 years ago Report

Oh well no need for thanks, you're the one doing the great writing!

But to be honest, it's not really the events that make this depressing... I've probably enjoyed worse. It's because you're very good at writing characters, enough that it's difficult not to sympathise with the more unfortunate ones. Even the ones who aren't meant to be all that sympathetic (the guy from your last story for example) aren't 1 dimensional enough not to feel a bit sorry for them.

Posted by 4ofSwords 13 years ago Report

Interesting! Clever! Dramatic!

The end was pretty dark (and dirty), and I'm guessing the brown glass and green glass bottle changeup was intentional and not just a mistake.

I'm having trouble figuring why Lori skipped out of town, though?

Posted by Tobedumped 13 years ago Report

While intentionally somewhat vague, here's the author's intent for the bottle and Lori leaving town. In the initial scene we establish that the current formula is in a brown bottle. During Lori's "busy work" to make herself look important for the reporter, she shifts the contents of multiple bottles. What Dana and Ike tested then was not the final formula; the final (and possible successful) formula has been swiped with Lori. At the end, then, she and the formula are leaving for an unknown destination-- with the dream of winning all the profit the vaccine might make for herself.

Posted by AnAccount 1 year ago Report

That she would do what she did rather than be only 2/3rds as unbelievably rich and let them leave in peace makes Lori possibly the most villainous character I've read on this site. Thats pretty impressive

Posted by Tobedumped 1 year ago Report

Oh wow, that's a pretty high threshold for villainy! I've never done anything with any of the characters from this story again and I wonder a bit what Lori is like outside of this story... but I imagine just unrepentant greed and manipulation. The cruelty is its own reward and fortune is just a trophy for that. ;)

Posted by Iceninja 13 years ago Report

Excellent, excellent story. It WAS highly depressing, in no small part due to the twist ending, but it was a great read regardless. I didn't think I'd like it due to the premise, but I've loved your description of the predators and the story's pacing.

As for the actual ending, I took some solace in the fact that you seemed to imply Lori wouldn't be receiving a happy ending. I assumed as much because:

- Your world (and the world portrayed by writers on writing.com) is a very desensitized one where life has little value.
- Lori is never seen by her friends and family again (either in person or via the news).
- There's no mention about the digestion-prevention formula having any sort of impact on society.
- Lori is carrying something many people would be willing to kill or steal for (for a variety of reasons)... and she's apparently traveling alone.

Judging by your last comment though, it seems she might be alive and well, maybe living in a mansion in the Bahamas, sucking down imported studs and laughing at her bowel movements. 0_o

Well, anyway, great story my friend. I was happy to be traumatized by it. ^_^

I can't wait to read your next work, whatever that may be.

Posted by Tobedumped 13 years ago Report

Hey, thanks for the kind words! Glad you enjoyed it. I'll be fully honest, as the author, I haven't even fully decided what happens to Lori. I know that her goal is to go to some lawless society and secretly sell the formula to powerful, wealthy individuals. I have visions of this elevating her to near goddess-like status, but I also have visions of her geeky ass getting taken care of by shrewd mobsters. If I ever come up with an answer, I'll make sure to write it for everyone to read.

I'm already hard at work on my next story-- stay tuned and I hope you enjoy it! Thanks for the comments.

Posted by The Dracomancer 13 years ago Report

“What's the matter, Ikey?” She taunted, now making it clearer that she'd been drinking. “Afraid this is going to be you someday? Baking away in mah belly, destined to become a stinky little—“

Lori is definately a snake, and yet I love her. The thought of me melting into nothing inside her round, pale belly while she pats it and threatens Ike with the same fate makes me want this world to be real.

In my other comments I complimented your storytelling. Here, I'm complimenting your stories level of sexiness. You managed to turn two initially repulsive characters into desirable predators. I may be stepping into the land of "Too much information" but your stories turn me on to no end, the the point that I have an erection without even getting to the main vore story. The excerpt I quoted was extremely sexy, because of the description she uses I can really imagine myself baking away in her belly, destined to become a stinky little-

Congrats, one last time,
The Dracomancer

Posted by Tobedumped 13 years ago Report

Hey there, Dracomancer!
Thanks for all of the kind words! The reason I write out my fantasies is so that other people can enjoy them, so I can’t tell you how much hearing such praise motivates me to write more. I feel like I’m a niche writer within a fetish community, so it’s always a rush for me to find out that someone is reading and enjoying my work. Don’t worry; I’m never going to quit writing. It just takes me months at a time to get a finished product. It’s no shortage of ideas—I’ve got a list of story ideas that’s pages long—it’s the difficulty in creating a complete short story around the vore. I could write a new vore scene every day, but there’d be nothing hot about it without the larger context of the story. You definitely seem to get that and agree.

If there’s one thing I love as a writer, it’s changing the reader’s sensibilities within a story; making unappealing girls into appealing predators or vice versa. After all, Dana and Lori aren’t ideal preds, but I’m sure the average reader fantasizes about them a little bit in this one. Andrea in something better might be an ideal pred, but everyone cheers against her in Something Better.

Currently I have work in progress on a sequel to The Last Dance, a multiple-character high school story (which is quickly turning into a chaotic free-for-all), and a soul vore story based on the thread “Truth?” So there’s always the chance of goodies in the future.

Thank you again for reading and commenting—it really means a lot to me!
-Toby

Posted by Indighost 13 years ago Report

Dark, but well-written and sexy. Enjoyed your story--thanks for writing.

Posted by ButtPlug 12 years ago Report

And as expected, they guy get shittified....

Goody gosh.
::|

Posted by Tobedumped 12 years ago Report

Okay, so maybe I've grown predictable. :-p

Posted by ButtPlug 12 years ago Report

yeah, pretty much....
I mean, will there be any point in these series' where the devoured DOESN'T turn into a poopy mess?

Posted by Tobedumped 12 years ago Report

But... but what would be the point in reading that?!

Posted by ButtPlug 12 years ago Report

. . . . what, pretending to be the character that DOESN'T die? I don't know about you, but I do not have a fatality-complex.

Posted by htaed 11 years ago Report

I know I'm two years too late, but what a story, Mr.dumped.

I'll confess that while I occasionally make exceptions, I'm generally not keen on F/M vore.

That aside, Cruel World is very well written. Not only does your style read pleasantly, characters have their own flair and eschew much of from archetypical (stereotypical?) traits of vore characters. The tension between characters is especially palpable, and the reader feels what's at stake with the vore vaccine.

However, there's one very big plothole which severely strained my suspension of disbelief (and I'm a voraphile). "How else could you describe a world where half of the human population was systematically preyed upon by their superiors, not for food or even for sport, but merely for amusement? How else could you describe a society where as soon as a man enters a woman's gullet he becomes nothing more than a pleasurable sensation and a source of punch lines for her friends? He was simply grateful that at least one female saw the madness of the situation."

Why does society even bother with males? Since devouring a man won't even incur a manslaughter charge (no pun intended ;)), I can only presume this society doesn't pretend they have any human rights guaranteed by any constitution. Admitting a demographic which exists merely as cattle in any professional institution (education, trade schools, public and private sectors, you name it) would be a colossal waste of valuable resources and time. Hell, why bother even putting them through elementary education, let alone higher education, if they're little more than slaves.

Posted by Tobedumped 11 years ago Report

Yep, that's a very big plothole! It's one that I'm aware of, but it just doesn't kill it for me and really, there's nothing more to it than that. That said, here's my attempts at explaining it.

1) It really and truly is a cruel world. Men could be bred just as food and slaves, but would they REALLY be as much fun to torment and devour if that were the case? The appeal of vore is, in this world, tied to making something that once had full hopes and dreams into a useless dump. The investment in mens education, upbringing, employment, etc is woefully inefficient, but it's seen as a "pleasure" expense-- and who allocates their mad money intelligently?

2) It's a world where vore is relatively new and a combination of tradition or existing laws have kept social structures relatively the same for now.

3) All human societies, even this one, are inherently male dominated. This is just a very bizarre form of male control. What motivates most of my girls? Usually impressing and seducing men. While the biology is different in this world, and women appear to be in charge, men--to some extent-- dictate the norms and customs. They just find filthy ends at the likes of Lori (and Dana and Angela and Brittany and Catherine) to be oddly alluring, so they've established that as the pinnacle of sexuality.

None of these makeshift explanations do it for you? Can't say I blame you, they're all shit I've made up after the fact. Bottom line is, we find whatever we find hot to be hot, regardless of if it's feasible.