Ahoy!
So recently I've been told I don't write much. This is no big surprise for the people that know me; I'm lazy and a bit unmotivated. Lucky for me, I have both Svartvinge and Rethan poking me constantly to get to work on my story. One pokes too many gets you 6 pages of a delicious vore story.
The basic premise; The three adventurers of the World of Warcraft band together quite often. Arylirien, Yazu and Letheni have fun times together, eating elves, and each other. Mostly each other. Ary has eaten Yazu and Letheni so many times that they're fed up, and force her to go on a diet.
Of course, what writer would I be if that meant there was no vore? A bad one! Their plan is simply, to eat her until she gives up.
These are the first 6 pages and the first part of the story. I'm welcome to critiques, as this is my first fetish piece. Have a read, and see what you think.
Ninja edit: It seems that uploaded documents don't have indents at the beginning of paragraphs. My beautiful formatting, ruined!
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Posted by Svartvinge 16 years ago Report
oooooh, she'll get you two back good! ^^
Posted by Sarbiton 16 years ago Report
Not by the end of the story she won't!
Posted by Naubol 16 years ago Report
WEll it were alot more easy to read like this, but maybe said taht before x3. Cant wait to see the other parts of it !
Posted by Sarbiton 16 years ago Report
They're on the way, just like levelling Letheni is on the way.
Posted by Naubol 16 years ago Report
Do think you can join us out in nothrend now^^ , then it should be totally much more easy to get you both x3
Posted by Sarbiton 16 years ago Report
Just to clarify a few things.
The digestion is mostly implied. I haven't gone into any detail, but it's definitely present.
As for the speaking, the way I was taught to write when I was younger is that if you have one person speaking, start a new line with the other person speaking. That way you can flick through and keep the flow going. It's probably not to everyone's style, but I'll keep what you've said in mind and label who's writing clearly next time.
The longer bit, I wouldn't know! I don't read many vore stories myself, I prefer to write. Is it really that long? I figured most would be about 5 pages in length or so.
Thanks for the critique though, 'tis much appreciated.
Posted by Russkaya 16 years ago Report
You are supposed to start a new line- this is absolutely true, but just having the lines don't alone make things that easy to read. After all, it is grammatically correct to have two separate lines for one character if there is significant change in content, timing, or motion. Most writers find a way to slip in something the character is doing every now and then so readers can keep track of the A B A B progression of the discussion.
IE: "I love eatin' foo's." Her grin practically split her azure face in half.
"I know what you mean"
You don't even need to drop a name, just a defining feature- self-explanatory enough, just easy to miss.
And yes, your story is longer than most. Even though five pages is beans for a story, most vore stories have very little build-up, short conflict, and quickly-resolved gulpin's n' optional digestin's/etc'in's.
I really enjoyed your work! And excuse me for not using the reply feature, I don't get a submit button when I click reply. :(
Posted by Sarbiton 16 years ago Report
I can see what you mean. I'll keep it in mind for when I write the next story, or if I decide to edit this one a bit more.
Perhaps it being longer is a bit daunting to most, but I prefer to have things explained and sorted out. A story is a story and should feel like one, even with fetish elements.
Posted by Russkaya 16 years ago Report
Trust me when I say it's tasteful and appreciated.
And no pun intended on the tasteful bit.
I guess now a pun is implied, though.
Drat, foiled again.