The Lunch Line
By dimensione510 -- Report
As a story, this is similar quality to all of mine. Minimal, that is.
I do try and set up a world, which I will be using for most of my stories from now on.
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Posted by Misasura 15 years ago Report
I found it to be an enjoyable read and I hope to see more of your work.
One thing. Before you submit, try to go through and check to spelling errors. There were a few, but not too many that were noticeable.
Posted by juicefox 15 years ago Report
I enjoyed this story but I felt it was a bit too similar to KlinKitty's story "Permanant Absense". Personally I would have prefered it if Mr Kaufmann hadn't noticed John's absense after marking him off.
I think the whole principal thing was an unnecesary interuption to the flow of the story and it is the main reason why I think this story is too similar to "Permanent Absense". The story just stop's for this scene and continues where it left off when it's done. I don't think you'll lose anything by taking it out and it changes nothing but who is in Kat's belly. And unless you're adamant that it isn't John, I don't see why it can't be him.
I would have liked it more if the story was focused on Kat trying to conceal her meal through class. Then it would have been a different take on a great concept rather than something we've seen before. That being said I do love the world you have created and think that it has a lot of potential.
Posted by dimensione510 15 years ago Report
Don't think I've read that story, but the principal scene did kind of mess with the flow. The reason I had it was too kind of demonstrate how people didn't care about vore, how it was excepted, etc.
I did initially have a longer seen where Kat concealed her stomach, but every time it ended up feeling awkward, so I ended up cutting it.
Posted by juicefox 15 years ago Report
Well I guess great minds think alike. It's my current all time favorite vore story and it's definitely worth checking out to see what others are doing with similar subject matter. (Link: http://aryion.com/g3/showitem.php?id=188332)' target='_blank'>http://aryion.com/g3/showitem.php?id=188332)
I think you demonstrate what people think about vore when you have a class dedicated to teaching when it is acceptable and not acceptable. The principal scene is overkill.