I was going to say that this was an unconventional story for me, but I think I've said that about the last six of my stories. Unconvention is my new convention!
A story of a vampire-haunted elevator set a steampunky alternate history world where WWI (the Great War) was precipitated a century earlier by the Spanish Empire and the expanded powers of the Inquisition.
If that doesn't make you want to read it, well... well, I guess I completely understand.
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Posted by Bitter 15 years ago Report
I like it. Very well crafted. The story progressed nicely; I got a good sense of the flow from one point to another.
What I didn't get a good sense of, though, was what exactly was going on at the end. There was a suggestion that vampires are roughly equivalent to succubi, but at the same time not necessarily linked to their bodies, and when Merilyn started getting drained I wasn't exactly sure how. Was it the elevator's doing? Incorporeal vampires? I couldn't tell. You mentioned worrying that you'd invested too heavily in the backstory at the EPWG thread, but I feel like there's just enough unspoken here to confuse. Then again, you did mention that this is part of a longer story, and all that might be explained in the interim.
Posted by 4ofSwords 15 years ago Report
Well, actually the velvet lift won't play too much of a role in the larger story, beyond being the initial place where Merilyn did her killing.
The idea I was trying to convey was that Anezka haunted the elevator. Since the corporeal form of a vampire is not exactly static anyway, it didn't do much to change her appetites. The actual physics of how that happened, though.... well, that was a dead end for my brain.
Thanks!
Posted by Vorefreak 15 years ago Report
Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!
Posted by 4ofSwords 15 years ago Report
Hahahahah!