Caitlin had been friends with Matt for as long as she could remember. But over the years the cheetah came to want more from the rabbit than his mere company. She wanted to tell him how she felt but she was always too shy. So, while watching videos with him in her room, the cheetah plays a tape that demonstrates her desires better than words ever could.
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Posted by Indighost 15 years ago Report
Highly enjoyable. I liked the comparison of the cheetah's expectations with the reality of eating someone: some exceeding expectations, some not as impressive as hoped. This adds a sort of cute realism to the story. Also particularly liked the scene where the mother discovers the daughter. Very well done, juicefox.
Posted by juicefox 15 years ago Report
Wow, how on earth did you read this so fast. I only uploaded 14 mins ago.
Posted by Indighost 15 years ago Report
I'm a fast reader :) What surprised me was how the whole thing was worth reading. There was no plot unrelated to the vore action, it was all entertaining.
Posted by juicefox 15 years ago Report
When I write a vore story, I don't write anything that doesn't have anything to do with the vore. I'm a bit annoyed that I couldn't make this one any shorter though because I'm sure that the high page count would lead a lot of people, who are unfamiliar with my work, to assume that it is padded out; which it isn't.
Posted by Indighost 15 years ago Report
Hmm. I agree with you that there may be some prejudice there against long-winded stories that have a lot of buildup and then just a little payoff at the end. Well one of my goals with my stories is to encourage the idea that "High page count = High content amount". So I encourage you to keep writing long stuff, maybe eventually people will catch on :)
Posted by ohhdarnit 15 years ago Report
I gotta say I really enjoyed this. It was a great representation of predatory instincts over powering judgement. As well as the realistic digestion made this story really quite good. Admittedly with a bit darker under tones, but that's to be expected with something like vore
Posted by juicefox 15 years ago Report
Thanks. I don't know about predatory instincts overpowering judgement though. Caitlin wanted to eat Matt all along and when she did it certainly wasn't because she was overpowered by her instincts. In fact it could be considered the oposite as she had to fight her apprehensive instincts to go through with it. I see this more as a coming of age story than anything else.
Posted by ohhdarnit 15 years ago Report
I see where you're coming from. Either way, it's beautifully written and a great concept, I can't say I have any complaints
Posted by miranda_dragon 15 years ago Report
Wow...wonderful, as usual.
I'm not even sure where to begin. There is so much here I liked...just wow.
Well done hon.
Posted by juicefox 15 years ago Report
Heh, I thought you might like this one. I know you prefer willing prey and so does the protagonist but you know that I don't so this is as close as I'll probably get.
Posted by Hooligan 15 years ago Report
I feel so sorry for her personally. She wanted so much for him to be ok with it, and even tried to make it pleasurable for him.
Which makes feel even more sorry for her. She failed at getting a Bunny hard? Worked her tongue until it was tired, and nothing? Ouch! Hope she doesn't share that part of the story with her new friend. The Lioness wont let her live it down. ^_^
Great story Juice!
Posted by dragonfred 15 years ago Report
very nice! i liked it!
Posted by komaru 15 years ago Report
Always look forward to a new story from you, juicefox, and this one certainly did not disappoint! Also a fan of the mother walking in scene :3
Posted by maleperduis 15 years ago Report
Ah, another great story. Somewhat less gut-wrenching than Truth or Dare, probably because the predator was the main character rather than the prey.
I'm curious as how the whole predator/prey species thing works in your setting. Is every species always predatory or always prey, or do some depend on the individuals? Cheetahs and rabbits are generally pretty clear-cut, but you've also had otters and foxes as prey too.
Posted by juicefox 15 years ago Report
Thanks, I took the preds perspective this time around so I wouldn't get so angry with the her but I don't know how well that worked.
The otter was probably a mistake to use as prey but generally the strong prey on the weak or less stong. Sometimes that strength can be physical and sometimes that strength can be social influence, but that's the general rule I work by.
Posted by maleperduis 15 years ago Report
Angry with her? I didn't know you did that!
I certainly wouldn't call using an otter as prey a "mistake". And that explanation does make some amount of sense, and explains a little why Matt and Stewart (and, presumably, Desmond) seem to have completely different rules apply to them than Stacey. It's pretty easy (and natural) to start poking at that idea with a lot of what-ifs, but there isn't really any point to doing so.
Posted by juicefox 15 years ago Report
Whoops I mistypsed. I meant that I didn't want so many people getting angry with my predators and telling me how terrible they are.
Posted by Kooshmeister 15 years ago Report
I'm afraid I don't quite grasp how the society depicted herein functions. Similar societies crop up in other vore stories all the time. Put simply, a society where the animals have jobs, education, sentience, cars, clothes, etc. (and grocery stores presumably), but still abide by the "laws of nature" and unpredictably eat each other all the time.
This is a very well written story and I can understand Caitlin's mother's reaction... but Matt's mother's (presumed) reaction borders on sociopathy. And why, exactly, does Matt cease to have a say in the matter? And at what point? Did he ever legally have any say?
If prey animals have no say in whether they're eaten, why let them vote, have jobs, go to school, or have any rights at all? If prey animals do, however, have rights, under what circumstances are they allowed to be eaten? Disregarding what is said of how Matt's mother will react, what if she reacts differently and is upset that her son was eaten? Can she take up a grievance claim with someone? If so, who?
Am I thinking about this too much? XD
Posted by juicefox 15 years ago Report
Simple answer is that who eats who isn't unpredictable at all. The prey animals who don't have many or any friends get eaten and the ones that do, don't really care because they don't actually know them. And better someone you don't know than someone you do and care about.
Predators go for easy targets (or at least most prey think so) so other prey could tell themselves that the ones who got caught deserved it for letting themselves be an easy target. Survival of the fittest basically, and when you and your loved ones are some of the fittest, it's easy to ignore the one's who arn't.
As to why this is tolerated at all, well the answer is hinted at in Caitlin's mother's response "he's part of a very large litter". The prey reproductive rates are vastly greater than the predators. So predation becomes a neccessary evil to prevent overpopulation and widespread poverty.
Matt only had one friend and we all know how that turned out.His mother tried to warn him but he wouldn't listen so I don't think his mother would be surprised at all, only dissappointed. Besides, it was going to happen sooner or later.
Posted by Kooshmeister 15 years ago Report
So the underlying message (besides population control) is that friendless unpopular people without social skills are the ones who are most likely to get eaten because nobody will care? While this is pretty true, even in real life, it's still pretty disturbing, even if it is logical.
I really don't know how to respond to this particular revelation. I guess all I can really say is I find it incredibly disturbing, since I myself had only one friend in high school, was unpopular, and was severely lacking in the social skills department.
Posted by juicefox 15 years ago Report
It needs to be believable and I need to be able to identify with the prey for me to enjoy the story. Making the prey kind of a loser satifies both these needs so I write my stories like this not because I feel like people without friends deserve to die. On the contrary, it would ruin things for me if I felt the prey deserved it.
Posted by Kooshmeister 15 years ago Report
Well, it isn't believable to me. At all. I'd buy it if there were certain rules, laws or conditions governing when, how and why a predator could eat someone, but there don't appear to be any beyond your blanket excuse that they only pick people nobody will miss. As has been asked before, what if the victim has some kind of job only they can do, or specific knowledge? You've created a world where anyone can eat anyone they want, at any time, without any consequences whatsoever.
Posted by juicefox 15 years ago Report
That goes beyond the scope of the story and I can only really answer it when it becomes relevent.
Posted by Kooshmeister 15 years ago Report
Also you didn't answer my question, but new information having presented itself, I'll change the question slightly: if a predator ate someone who was a family's only child, could that victim's parents sue them? You argue that in this society vore is needed for population control. But what happens if a predator eats someone who isn't part of a large litter?
Posted by juicefox 15 years ago Report
The parents can't do anything about it because it is socially acceptable. People will only say that she should have raised her child better and that she should have had more children.
Posted by Kooshmeister 15 years ago Report
So there's no such thing as murder.
Posted by Kooshmeister 15 years ago Report
Lemme be more specific. Ignore my other comment about murder. Since you said this story is a metaphor for the "first time," i.e. sex, let's discuss sex. Sex is socially acceptable in real life, but only under certain conditions. There are laws and rules governing who you can have sex with and when. If you have sex with someone against their will it is rape and you get arrested. Thus, there are incorrect or illegal ways of doing something that is socially acceptable. Should that not also hold true for vore?
Posted by juicefox 15 years ago Report
You only get arrested for rape when you get caught. What are the chances of your victum coming forward here. Actually, in this story rape is part of the subtext (in fact originally there was a line that said: "Don't fight it, Matt. Just let it happen"). But the thing about rape victums is that they don't come forward. The culture makes them feel ashamed of what happened to them and chokes them into silence. This story adressing this but in a more literal way through the metaphor of vore.
To answer your question, rape is illigal but only if the victim comes forth. But vore is totally legal.
Posted by juicefox 15 years ago Report
Oh, and murder is illigal. Vore is considered a natural instinct and is understood by other predators but murder is not.
Posted by Kooshmeister 15 years ago Report
Well, of course they would think that way. The ones in charge always feel entitled and of course they make the rules.
Posted by Kooshmeister 15 years ago Report
You're generalizing. Plenty of rape victims do come forward. So to ask me to believe every almost-vored prey would keep quiet is just silly. Likewise, there must be some predators who believe eating other sentient beings is wrong. There is always a minority opinion amongst the majority. Even if nothing comes of the efforts of either surviving prey or anti-vore preds there surely must be some who at least try, just as there are always activists in real life. I'd recommend this as an issue in a future story wherein the victim is, as you put it on FA, a contributing member of society.
Posted by juicefox 15 years ago Report
I know that and I'm not saying that no one who was raped comes forward. I'm only exploring the idea of feeling unable to come forward when you've been violated through metaphor.
Posted by FrostByte 15 years ago Report
Absolutely spectacular, juicefox! I've always had a special kink for "first time" scenarios and you completely nailed this one. Instant classic. Thank you so much for sharing your hard work.
Posted by juicefox 15 years ago Report
I'm glad you enjoyed it. I worked really hard on this one.
Posted by vorebunny 15 years ago Report
Wasn't really my thing i don't like that the she didn't wait for the rabbit to be willing. Maybe a better approach would be to get the two of them to start partaking in some experimentation gradually getting his acceptance rather then go from test the waters straight to jumping right in regardless of the rabbit's feelings on the mater.
i mean he was her life long friend despite what a new comer may say to her his thoughts on that mater above all else would of and should of mattered to her .
especially in a society ware they could be life long friends.
and his mothers response (before he gets eaten) was a bit of psychotic acceptance of a shitty place in life considering there in a society ware they live side by side and work together.
in many ways i share the concerns Kooshmeister stated with the story.
but who am i to judge im not the writer
and its just my opinion.
i will say it was well written though. :)
and i apologize if my criticisms offend that was not my intention.
Posted by juicefox 15 years ago Report
Caitlin tried to take it slow, but Matt had no interest in experimenting with her desires whatsoever. I think if she tried warming him to the idea he'd freak out very quickly and she wouldn't get another opportunity.
It was only a matter of time before a weak loner like Matt got picked off so, no, Caitlin couldn't be friends with him forever and I'm sure Matt's mother has plenty of kids who listen when she tells them not to hang out with a predator.
"but who am i to judge im not the writer"
??????
The writer is the least qualified person to judge thier own work. I do this for the readers so please don't think that your point of view is invalid because you didn't write it.
And I'm glad you think it's well written. That's really the most I can hope for when I'm writing about something someones not into.
Posted by Kooshmeister 15 years ago Report
This reply was going to be me saying something about how you could've written Matt as being willing... and then I noticed the beginning of the second paragraph.
If that description of Matt were in the story itself there'd be no problem. After all, it is told from Caitlin's point of view and would've been her assessment of Matt, and besides, these are fictional characters and what we as writers choose to do with them is irrelevant to the real world. But since you describe the victim in this fashion ("a weak loner" who was bound to get eaten sometime or another) outside the confines of the narrative, and so flippantly, I can only assume this is your assessment of him.
This cements my assessment above that an underlying theme in your stories is apparently that unpopular people who either can't or won't conform to social norms are destined to get eaten. It's quite rare to see such a conservative attitude in a vore story.
Again, maybe I'm just reading too deeply into this. You yourself say below that you want to just get to the vore as quickly as possible, story and character development be damned. But still, your comment replies in which you justify Matt's fate, which seem to boil down to "he had it coming," are pretty telling.
Posted by juicefox 15 years ago Report
My stories are all about momentum and pacing but I do care a lot about making believable and interesting characters and a believeable and interesting scenario. Only instead of dealing with character and world development seperately I do it within the vore scenario.
I deal with my characters and settings in the subtext rather than beating my readers over the head with it. The latter would probably get me fewer complaints but I feel that readers should be able to interpret what is going on and why from what is said in the story if they pay enough attention to it.
I'm not conservative but I have to satisfy as many attraction switches as can to give my stories the maximum potency I can. I may sound callous but I need to be in order achieve the goal of my writing. I don't believe that what happens in my stories is right but, like I said before, vore should feel good not right.
Posted by Kooshmeister 15 years ago Report
Fair enough, and although I'm not trying to tell you how to write your stories or anything, but I just personally would've given more thought to the society you use as a backdrop.
Posted by pendingdeleter29b23934 15 years ago Report
Really liked this one. It was deliciously awkward and anticlimactic. I was really worried you were going to take it the predictable, unrealistic route but you really didn't. Matt's death was such a WASTE, in every sense.
Posted by juicefox 15 years ago Report
Lol, I'm glad you enjoyed it. I've enjoyed a lot of your work too.
Posted by SyH 15 years ago Report
i really liked this story :3
Posted by Dragga 15 years ago Report
This has given me another idea to put on the ol' list of things to do.
And, I notice you seem to be worrying a bit about length. You really shouldn't, if everything flowed in the writing process naturally. I believe that even at a high page count, if everything's coming out naturally and you're having fun writing it, you shouldn't be concerned. I'm certain those who truly enjoy your work will read it from start to finish all the same.
Posted by juicefox 15 years ago Report
Well, other writers waste time by developing their characters seperately from the situation. Making most of the story completely irrelevent to the actual vore story. People are here looking for vore and if they arn't yet familiar with my work then they'd assume that I'm one of these people by the page length and skip to the end. I know I would. I don't have the time to read a ten page story from start to finish if I'm not sure if it's going in the direction I need it to.
Posted by Dragga 15 years ago Report
It depends on how it's done. Too little, and characters become little more than basic props instead of characters. Too much, and yeah, most people might turn away. It's about finding a balance in progressing the action and demonstrating each character's personality. While you may want to try and please, it's important to avoid ending up with characters that basically reuse the same general "mold". You know how I am, viewing my character's as people. I find that it's great to give a character depth, but it is true that you'd be better off avoiding derailing the narrative from where you want it to go.
Posted by Indighost 15 years ago Report
You guys both make absolutely excellent points. I would like to add mine, which is something of a compromise: -->Long story. BUT: Develop the characters by making them do a /variety/ of different sexy and dangerous things. This way, you keep the reader's interest (boner) and also give depth to the characters. What do you think?
Posted by juicefox 15 years ago Report
Okay, I think I should explain myself better here. While your appraoch might work for some audiences, it wouldn't work for my target demographic. My stories are aimed at male readers so necessarily, the story has to build up to a singular climax. While females are evolutionarily designed to enjoy multiple climaxes, males are not so there is only one prey in each of my stories for a singular digetion sequence.
The problem with writing multiple preys in the one story is that if you are a male prey reading it, then you have to redirect your empathy to the next prey every time the target changes. This redirection of empathy can become psychologically taxing so a lot of this redirected energy becomes wasted trying to switch between prey when it could have added to the experience of a singular prey.
Overthinking can break the mood, so I try to make things simple for the reader. I want them to feel rather than think, and I think that this is best achieved by connecting them to a single character and letting them stay there. I just feel that the experience is much more intense if it's focused on one event and one climax.
Posted by Indighost 15 years ago Report
I see you have thought this through. This makes me understand all these stories on a deeper level: We come to them with different goals. Very interesting.
Posted by four_fleets 15 years ago Report
I have read your story adds on Writing.com as well, I must say your work is some of the most detailed I have read here and elsewhere. (Especially elsewhere since Writing.com is plagued with the less then a chapter adds.)
Posted by juicefox 15 years ago Report
Thanks, I appreciate that. And, yeah, I think that most fetish writers on the internet are writing creatively for the first so it takes a while for them to get good with detail.
Posted by Bellove35 15 years ago Report
This story was written very well and actually made me sympathise with both the pred and the prey. I found myself feeling sorry for Matt losing his only friend and his life while at the same time understanding Caitlin's wish to make it enjoyable for him and the conflict she must have gone through.
Posted by Luffredd 10 years ago Report
i first read it four years ago and i've looked it up a few times from then. i love this story <3
have you ever thought of making a second chapter with Caitlin?
Posted by juicefox 10 years ago Report
No, not really. This was only ever meant to be a one off. What happens next doesn't really interest me.