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Archive > Firstfate > The Mother > Side Stories > Shades of Gray > Shades of Gray ch.1

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Shades of Gray ch.1

By Firstfate -- Report
Firstfate's avatar

Intro to the story with a flashy appearance by The Mother

Uploaded: 14 years ago

Views: 2,860

File size: 74.00 KiB

MIME Type: application/msword

Favorites: 6

Comments: 7

Tags: Anal Vore Breast Vore Cock Vore Mind Control Mouth play Oral Vore Sex Vaginal vore


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Comments
Whatever666

Posted by Whatever666 14 years ago Report

I have to admit that I didn't read your works.
And I can tell you why: Way too little formatting.
A wall of text is efficient, yes - but it's not as good. Aaaand... I'm surely not the only one thinking so. Hit Enter a few more times, and the text will be way better. Of course, don't do it randomly.

This said: I'll still read it, but not now. If you have it formatted a bit better by then...
Well, that'd be nice.

Firstfate

Posted by Firstfate 14 years ago Report

Yeah, I need to start doing that, but i'd rather get out the story before my interest in it fades and I never finish :(

Evilpancake

Posted by Evilpancake 14 years ago Report

agree with Whatever, wall of text = bad. I skimmed it and that's all that i really needed, the "story" jumps from one point to another with little to no description at all during the scene.

Most readers of this type of literature would like to see a little more description than basically "the two people slip into the Mother's breasts and make them bigger" That's akin to saying "i walked outside and the sky was blue", ya it gets your point across but its very bland and prone to cause "skimming". It seemed as if you were in a hurry to get the story done the whole time, like you were being forced to write this and didn't want to.

I like the premise of what i read but the execution needs a lot of work. Has possibility though

Firstfate

Posted by Firstfate 14 years ago Report

ok, well please understand that I'm just starting to write, and none of these stories have been edited, yet

Evilpancake

Posted by Evilpancake 14 years ago Report

that's why i'm giving advice ;)

Topazter

Posted by Topazter 5 years ago Report

I love this story but the word wall hurts my eyes >.<

Firstfate

Posted by Firstfate 5 years ago Report

Yeah... this is old work... like super old, my apologies... I started to try and edit it to make it easier on the eyes, but I never finished. I need to get back to this when I have the time

G4 is © 2011 Leshana Authors

Page generated in 12.2271 miliseconds. 13 Queries.

Firstfate: If ya don't got anything nice to say (or questions not involving my grammer, etc.), don't bother saying anything because I reserve the right to delete your comments should I feel so inclined! Otherwise, I love discussions about my stories :D

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