Posted by sansuki 12 years ago Report

I am making a foolish face and clapping madly at seeing this back up and posted and running, just so you know. :D

Posted by Sehnsucht 12 years ago Report

Im'Rhys mentioned you were still waiting so I thought I'd better get my butt in gear :) Part 2 is largely written but I feel I'm missing one or two ideas to really flesh out the interaction. After the ironing today I'm going to brainstorm, so you never know---maybe by the end of 2012, eh?

Posted by Littledude 12 years ago Report

That was epic! I really enjoyed reading it and I know it must have been a lot of work. Thanks for sharing, hope to see more from you soon.

Posted by Sehnsucht 12 years ago Report

Really glad to hear you enjoyed it! Be hopes we'll see more in this vein soon.

Posted by GREGOLE 12 years ago Report

Well, that was a delightful story. The title alone makes it worth a look, but the actual content very much lives up to it.

I think my favorite aspect of this story is that it explores the idea of a predator and its natural prey living together like this, and what that entails, without actually having to kill anyone off. At least once the story begins. Very much a character piece, which is wonderful.

Posted by Sehnsucht 12 years ago Report

That's the part I like too. While the hunt is exhilarating, in a society made up of predators and prey there will always be this kind of tension. It's a lot of fun to play around with!

Hehe, on not killing anyone off. I don't want to give too much away, but I was walking down the high street when I finally figured out the ending. I stopped, my face twisted in horror, and muttered to myself, "It's a bloody _love_ story!"

Posted by prisoner 12 years ago Report

Isn't "Pride and Prejudice" a love story?

Posted by Sehnsucht 12 years ago Report

Hehe, this story took little from Pride and Prejudice other than the name and a flavour of the setting. My wife suggested it and I couldn't think of a better one, though! I wrote this at a time when all my vore stories failed to contain actual vore scenes, so I was dismayed to find another project was heading the vore-tease route.

Posted by prisoner 12 years ago Report

I was poking fun at your realization, given that your title is a parody of (what I thought was) a love story.

Are you saying that most of your work is limited to vore themes (without the actual vore) by default? You could probably find more prolific places to share your work if that is the case..

Posted by Sehnsucht 12 years ago Report

Glad you liked it! I find a lot of the same themes in the rp logs between you and Tabatha_Cat, and look forward to reading more.

Thank you also for posting the links. The worst thing about reading a story I like is coming to the end. Thanks to your links, if a reader _has_ enjoyed this story, they needn't stop reading ^^

Posted by nyanyan 12 years ago Report

Wonderful little tale you have here, sir, wonderful. A story within a story, not something you see very often, but you, sir, have done well here.

And if I may be so bold as to point to the comment above me without directly replying, your stories' worlds match pretty well, all things considered, not the stories themselves, perhaps, but the worlds, most definitely, I could actually see the two stories taking place not too far from each other, really.

One in a forest, the other near a forest, both have civilized and wild animals(though, mainly civilized cats), many similarities.

Though, I digress, this is about your story, not his, his comment just made me think of the similarities, and I must say, I like both stories, please, continue with your work, my good man.

Text wall...DONE...sorry for the inconvenience xD

Posted by Sehnsucht 12 years ago Report

Marvellous, glad you enjoyed it :) The framing story device still makes me laugh---it's so overdone for a story that's at heart about vore---but the kitten is just too adorable to cut.

The correspondence isn't entirely coincidental. My story Wild Places was inspired by Tabatha_Cat's world. I'm fascinated by the idea of otherwise "civilised" creatures going to the woods in order to express their baser instincts. It's just that in this story we see more of the civilised than the instinctual. Changing this state of affairs will be the concern of the Part 2.

All text is appreciated, be it wall or twitter post. Thanks for your comment!

Posted by nyanyan 12 years ago Report

lol, no problem, also, what do you think of my formal speak? I use it mainly whilst commenting on things I enjoy, I talk as politely as I can, so as to show that it is something I enjoy, rather more than most.

In fact, I've even used it for Jack/Tabitha's stories now and again, I oh so love them, and as your stories continue, I am willing to bet you will see more of my formal speak before this series tapers off xD

*drops formal speak*...TY FOR TEH STOREH! xP

Posted by Sehnsucht 12 years ago Report

I found it very convincing :P

MOR COME SOONE!

Posted by Imrhys 12 years ago Report

Adds something ELSE to the queue to read, but I did skip to the end and read that closing and... Hmmmm, looking forward to next chapter already >_>

Posted by Sehnsucht 12 years ago Report

Surely cat-and-rabbit is waaaay too tame for your tastes ;)

Posted by Imrhys 12 years ago Report

You of all people should understand something of the width and breath of my reading tastes :P

Posted by 4ofSwords 12 years ago Report

I'm so happy I've had the opportunity to read a bit further in the story. As before, I really think you've captured the tone and scene and interaction very well here. A manners comedy is a splendid opportunity for a story and you're doing very well by it.

Posted by Sehnsucht 12 years ago Report

Thank you very much! The next part is quite different in tone. If this part is an inversion of the natural order, the next part is also an inversion of the characters' relationship. It'll be tricky to maintain their voices without making it a complete break, but hopefully that tension will make the ending so much more satisfying.

Posted by Tabatha_Cat 12 years ago Report

I'm enjoying this story so far. The best part for me is how vote is accepted as a part of life, and the way the various characters deal with it. The noble rabbits who deny they're prey and who have meat on the table for feasts because that's what nobles do are especially well conceived. And Charlotte's confusion about her identity is very engaging (Tabatha would feel so sorry for her).

I thought it was interesting that the rabbits were nobles and thought of themselves not at all prey, yet they had to travel just a little distance to the woods where that didn't hold at all. It made me feel their position and hold on the world wasn't as firm as they thought.

The mice were very well portrayed. I liked the one praying, after his friend was eaten, and the marketplace was a nice touch.

One thing that felt odd was Oscar's insistence it was safe to go out, his impatience with his overly protective family, and yet it turned out his brother was killed when they went out together. I'm surprised he'd carry that confidence after such a traumatic event, but perhaps he's in denial. As Lichthia told Jaabir, it's never entirely safe to be prey.

Posted by Sehnsucht 12 years ago Report

I'm very glad to hear you're enjoying it, and that those little details are having the effect I'd hoped for. All my furry stories assume a setting, inspired by your own, where all creatures are sentient, meaning one can't turn away from the problem of where the meat comes from. Most predators and prey in civilisation can ignore the problem, but there are really interesting stories where the cozy illusion breaks down. Wild Places is the most direct inspection of the actual food chain among my stories so far.

I like the mice too :) I actually started a comic about them. It immediately collapsed under the weight of overthinking: I recall it was set in post-Luther Germany and concerned a colony of tinkerer-mice who dabbled in cryptology and secrets. Sort of like a Tom and Jerry/Cryptonomicon cross-over, with religious overtones. Turns out being able to draw is important when writing a comic. Who'd have thought?

You bring up a good point regarding Oscar. Do you think it's plausible that his overconfidence w.r.t. the wilds is somehow due to the trauma he sustained? How about that the death of his brother at the claws of a cat is the source of his fascination with Charlotte, a cat? Fascination and obsession are at the heart of the next part so I need to know if I laid the seeds well enough, or if I still have hoeing to do.

Thank you for the comments! I'm particularly glad that you enjoyed it since Tabatha essentially inspired the world in which this story is set.

Posted by prisoner 12 years ago Report

Wouldn't you know it: I set off to read maybe five minutes worth when I was bored during class, and wound up reading the entire thing in one night! x.x Having never read Pride and Prejudice, I feel that maybe I am missing out on something. IMDB alludes to the scene in the coal shed ((as a side note, I greatly appreciated when he 'called her out', saying she used 'sir' only when she thought she was in trouble)) where Oscar brings Charlotte's predatory nature into question. I can only imagine the minor references to the original that are peppered throughout. Nevertheless, despite my gripes, this is an astounding story, and that's not a word I use ever.

I found it had a certain witty humor to it, and at times I wanted to laugh out loud. The way you describe the kit's eyes is clever. And her objection to Charlotte's releasing of the mouse brought to mind a scene from one of my favorite movies: The Princess Bride. The one where the grandson becomes flustered and insists the grandfather is telling the story wrong, asking him to re-tell it. Also, that bit about the son leaning in his chair at a precisely calculated angle, that cracked me up. It efficiently characterized him as the type of child who understands and tests the limits of his caregivers.

I was also pleasantly surprised to feel the awkwardness at some points in the story. The pinnacle of which being the moment in the dining hall just after she cups her hands around his. I think we've all experienced that feeling of accidentally invading someone else's space. Though I was unable to pinpoint any one reason for her to cry afterward, intuition suggests some combination of worry over the future of her employ mixed with a sullen realization of what her life had become as a predator waiting hand-and-foot on her natural prey. And before I supplant this topic, let me add that I adored your description of this room. It struck me as artsy but superfluous during the dinner scene, an issue which was later resolved when I could vividly picture her silvery moonlit hunt.

As I said earlier, this story, as any, presents with its share of 'problems.' I found myself wondering how Hopshire had reached a social structure in which predator was subservient. And while I enjoyed Oscar's both literal and verbal cat-and-mouse games with Charlotte, I can't help but feel that his father would have expressed frustration with that behavior. (I remember when Oscar was disciplined, but this struck me as being for reasons of his lessons and schooling.) Then there was the scene in which Charlotte pretended to read the note--a behavior which went unquestioned by (I think it was) Winny. For all the emphasis on Cambridge, the house-help struck me as illiterate (and lacking in formal education). Penultimately, I was aghast that Oscar assumed it was Charlotte's intent to devour him, in part because of his admission that he was hoping/expecting her to find him after he had run away. Lastly, the two main characters retain too much mystery for my taste. It is good that you avoided stereotyping them. But even now, I find myself guessing at what Charlotte and Oscar are like outside of the house...say, if they lived in a different town, or in the wilds, or something. It was most evident when they were speaking, and I found myself re-reading some bits once or twice to figure out to whom the dialogue belonged.

The structure of the story itself, as a story within a story, was executed well. In the long-term project I have mentioned to you, I do something similar with a bar patron. I found that he allows me to skip around in the story with minimal plot disruption, and to criticize both his (my) story-telling methods and the objections or confusions that the audience may have. I only describe my attempts at writing to show how your aptitude has helped me to understand the benefits and pitfalls of this strategy. On a different note, I found that the pace and tone of the narrative accelerated and thinned as the story progressed. In the earlier stages the character and plot development were dense and deliberate. Comparatively, you moved at leaps and bounds toward the end. I thought it was fitting given the action and intensity which transpired later on, though simultaneously too jarring for the kit's response (falling asleep). I've been avoiding saying this but...it felt a bit rushed. I know I'm probably not supposed to say that to a writer. >.<

In conclusion, this story put a scholastic spin on a feral subject, and I enjoyed the formalization. This was both informative and entertaining, and satisfied my interests in vore, some might say, without the actual vore. These characters expand on my perception of the fetish as necessarily requiring a physical component (ie, it can be purely mental rather than a mixture of the two). In regards to what you had written earlier, "I was being slightly self-deprecating, since an idealised character is an unrealistic character. I think it's clearest to say that I tend to regard the woman as "other", and prefer to see them from the outside," I can see why you might feel conflicted. Without having read your other stories, the only insight I can offer is that you have taken a non-standard approach to vore in this submission comparative to your other works. The discrepancy may arise from your study of the non-dominant predator perspective, whereas maybe you usually investigate the prey's response to a dominant predator.

Please excuse me pretending that I know what the hell I'm talking about and writing all pretentious-like. XD After studying anthropology, I've come to suspect that this kind of over-analysis and imposition of themes by the reader is to be expected. I don't really write and think in these terms.

Posted by Sehnsucht 12 years ago Report

Thank you for your well thought-out comments! You've picked up on some things I was subliminally aware of, but needed pointing out. For instance, the over-description of the dining room. Reading that it's like the narrator changes from quaint pseudo-Regency gentleman to Zork-style "there is a window to the north". Also the slightly rushed feel. That's an artefact of the way I write, and should be fixed in post-production.

With regards to Oscar and Charlotte's relationship being censured, I had in mind that they were mostly unobserved. When explicitly in Mr Marchant's presence they seldom interact directly. Did this come across to you, or should I make that clearer?

I agree that Charlotte sounds weirdly erudite for what is supposed to be a half-wild, illiterate commoner. I haven't been able to come up with a satisfactory in-story explanation. In future I'll be careful to make her speak clearly but with less of a flourish than Oscar; hopefully that will suffice to tell them apart.

That framing device thing is bloody genius, isn't it? "I don't want to write the next bit. Cue kittenchat!" I think I used it a little carelessly and led to the rushed feel, which you mentioned and which I agree with. There is the feeling of a montage about chapter 3. In fact, solving this problem is at the heart of what's wrong with part 2, so I thank you for pointing it out. (And if a writer saying "tell me what you think", you absolutely _should_ say things like that to them, and they should thank you for it!)

JacktheRabbit's links (and thread on the forum) also concern this sort of vore-informed non-vore. That sort of story is the most effective to me. If the cat eats the mouse, who is there then to be in awe of the cat?

Thank you very much for a closely-read review! If you have anything written that you want looked at in a similar way, please send it my way. You could also join this month's Eka's Portal Writing Group, whose deadline is today (7th of every month).

Posted by prisoner 12 years ago Report

Zork. The dining room was totally text adventure. XD You should see my writing notes, holy crap! I use pronouns as every fourth word, and ask myself questions, and write pointless notes to myself such as "(come up with interesting anecdote here)". So yeah, I think I see what difficulties you encountered. Clarifying question: does that make this a work-in-progress?

I should have been more clear. You did a fine job of showing that Mr. Marchant never observed Charlotte's interactions with Oscar. I was factoring in the 'sixth sense' that parents seem to have when their children are, among other things, straying from the path.

It could be justified that she would adopt Oscar's way of speaking through excessive interaction with him. Maybe it is my problem for having an expectation of Charlotte that is different from yours. It stands to reason, however, that there is a clearer way to present your interpretation to the reader, although I'm currently at a loss.

Yes, part 3 was Rocky-training-montage-esq. It wasn't bad, mind you. It was a little hard for me to adjust because it was the only chapter which was like that. And well...-I- thought that it should be said, which is why I finally did. But I had to accept the risk that you had not rushed and that such a comment might be received as an insult. I'm a strict believer that a good critique must address both the good and bad elements. One which is full of only positives (though flattering) or only negatives is useless.

True. Your way of looking at the idea--predator and observer--allowed you to do more than what the average story manages to say about the predator-prey relationship.

Thank you for the offer, but I wasn't expecting anything in return. The review was meant to be my repayment for having enjoyed the story you worked so hard on, at which point I considered us even. ; ) I'm going to pass on the writer's group...again. Though it is something I have considered, I don't have anything recent to share at this time. I may submit an excerpt next month, depending on what I can accomplish over the winter.

Posted by AFellWind 8 years ago Report

Just wanted to drop you a line to say I've enjoyed this little love story. It follows a few of the classic romance tropes- class and family keep them apart, adding in the civilized vs animal mind just makes things entirely more interesting.

Props on the world itself, as well. I adore the mice, really I do. The concept that there's an entire mass of /people/ whom nobody has bothered to figure out or communicate with because they're pesty is just wonderful.

I know it's been a great while since you first published this, but I would absolutely love to see how you wrap these two up.

Posted by Sehnsucht 8 years ago Report

I really appreciate your taking the time to comment. You've good timing. The second part has been half-written for a long time---including the ending---but matters in real life have put this story on my mind a lot. I know more about what the dynamic will be between Oscar and Charlotte. If this story will ever be finished, it'll be within a month or two. I hope to have something for you :)

Glad you enjoyed the mice. I figure they themselves wouldn't help. Their experience of the larger folk is hunting, territoriality, greed, and of course, seeing their kinsfolk feed the hated enemy. Not fertile ground for an embassy!

Posted by AFellWind 8 years ago Report

That's wonderful to hear! I'm looking forward to seeing more from you. :)

Posted by mouseyman 8 years ago Report

I'm not sure I have words to tell you how good this is. You are clearly very talented and I have a LOT of reading to do!

Posted by Sehnsucht 8 years ago Report

Thank you, it means a lot :) I hope I can do the second half justice.

Posted by mouseyman 8 years ago Report

I know how it is with artist..so easily distracted XD But you could easily make a whole NOVEL out of that world! in terms of a complete literary piece it's the deepest one to draw from. Can't wait for second half!

Posted by Sauvegarde 9 months ago Report

Impressive work all around, be that the atmosphere, the characters, or the language they speak. I'm hooked!

Posted by Sehnsucht 5 months ago Report

I remember this story fondly. Think I would fiddle with Oscar's voice a little (he swings from stuffy adult to childish rather too abruptly) but otherwise would love to actually _finish_ the second part. Am inordinately pleased you liked it too ^^

Posted by Vulpini18 8 months ago Report

This story is really good! I'd love it if you would continue it :)

Posted by Sehnsucht 5 months ago Report

Thank you! I'd love to! I'm currently being devoured by at least one person, but I would love one day to fulfill your desire ^^

Posted by Vulpini18 5 months ago Report

Your welcome <3

Do you have an account on furaffinity? I don't use this website that much.

Posted by Sehnsucht 5 months ago Report

I'm afraid I'm maxed out on sites right now ^^ On the plus side, if you use this site infrequently and I use this site infrequently, we match!

Posted by Furryvoreonly 2 days ago Report

This story is great! I love how much joy Charlotte gets from being a pred!