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A retelling of the story of MLP:FIM S2E1, where Discord hides the Elements of Harmony into the Royal maze for the mane six to find, not only the tools to defeat him, but a lesson more valuable than that.
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Posted by Gorat 7 years ago Report
Interesting story so far.
Bit short on ehem... "sexy parts" but that's my personal "taste". All over - i wait for part 2. :D
Posted by Stanku 7 years ago Report
I'll keep that in mind!
Posted by saintheartwing 7 years ago Report
Ew. Just...ew.
Posted by Gorat 7 years ago Report
What are you even doing here then? Read tags.
Posted by saintheartwing 7 years ago Report
I did, there wasn't anything about trying to fit vomit back into someone's mouth. So shame on me? No, shame on YOU.
Posted by Brawn 7 years ago Report
That is nicely evil! I love it!
Can't wait for part two
Posted by Stanku 7 years ago Report
Should be coming sooner rather than later!
Posted by Pachirisu_And_Asmodeus 7 years ago Report
Excellent start. I love it!
Posted by Stanku 7 years ago Report
<3
Posted by PonyThroat 6 years ago Report
Gave the story a shot, (went in reverse order), it ended up being too cruel for my personal tastes. Good luck with the rest of the chapters, even though I dont like this level of cruelty I will say your writing is impressive. I felt the emotions of the characters really well. (Which is why it went past my personal tastes, lol).
Mini critique if you like:
I would state that his 'tests' really isnt a test of their elements. It's more of a mind over matter. After Dash cooked her own wings, it wouldnt have been a stretch for her just to eat it, her mind was already past the wall to do anything he suggested. To save her friends life and sacrificing something very dear for her, isnt a test of loyalty but a test of her love. (Not romance love, but the bond between friends) . It's the same test for the other chapters. On the upcoming chapters, avoid the same pattern, otherwise its just writing for the sake of making him an evil villain who wins. Piling shock factors and testing their sanity beyond their limits.
Apologies if you didn't want a critique, each writer is different. Keep in mind the critique was aimed to be another point of view of your work, and maybe you find it useful. As I said before, you have great skill, I can see it despite the fact its not my personal preferences. Good luck and keep writing.
Posted by Stanku 6 years ago Report
To think I wouldn't want to hear critique -- it's that close I'm not begging for it on the streets! I mean to say thank you for your input; it is most appreciated, not to mention an honor coming from such a distinguished, skilled member of the community.
About the twofold critique itself then, cruelty first. It is funny that in fact I never prefer reading material as cruel as what I produce myself. That being said, I have thought of expanding my scale to nicer landscapes too, for several reasons. In any case, as you correctly mention it's ultimately a question of taste(and mood, I should add).
The other point about the fic's main engine strikes an essential chord, one which I recognized myself after the second chapter at the latest. The "tests" truly are more or less the same thing in a different colour of wrapping, neglecting real differences between their subjects. Now that you have explicitly mentioned it I can no longer pretend not to see it, and thus shall make a serious attempt to remedy the situation in the coming chapters.
Thank you again for the comments! Lastly I just want to say that, if you're ever in the mood for requesting a vorish piece, I'd be eager to provide whatever you desire.
Posted by PonyThroat 6 years ago Report
Im glad you enjoyed the write up. And youre welcome!