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A Long Journey By GreyWarden -- Report

Uploaded: 2 years ago

Views: 5,387

File size: 80.79 KiB

MIME Type: application/rtf

Comments: 7

Favorites: 69

The thumbnail shows the predator. You can find the full image here:
http://i.imgur.com/7pj6mV3.jpg

She (hasn't gotten her name yet) will be one of my regularly used OCs. He (I really do suck at naming) was a disposable (pun intended) character.

This is my first vore story. I'm not a native speaker, so there might be some grammatical mistakes. If you find any, please report them to me. Any feedback is greatly appreciated.

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Comments
SmaxTheDestroyer

Posted by SmaxTheDestroyer 2 years ago Report

Great story, very hot.

historiakanman

Posted by historiakanman 2 years ago Report

Lovely!

Diamonte

Posted by Diamonte 2 years ago Report

Too many grammar and ESL issues to list, but the story was still readable and quite satisfying.

Here's 2 massively repeated issues:
1) You need more paragraph breaks. Specifically, every time the speaker changes or every time the principle actor changes, you need a new paragraph.

2) Don't use the "justify" alignment. Ever! You can easily google the reasons why.

Anywho, good story and I liked the predator's attitude towards her prey. :)

GreyWarden

Posted by GreyWarden 2 years ago Report

Thank you for your detailed feedback. I'll fix this issues as soon as I find the time do do so. I'll also search someone to proof-read my next story before I upload it.

TimeToRun

Posted by TimeToRun 2 years ago Report

This was a great story. I like the way how you do your preds, how they work and stuff. Also the universe was very well done, it sounds realistic. It's very similar to my universe in my head. Very well done keep it, I hoop you will make more story's soon :)

GreyWarden

Posted by GreyWarden 2 years ago Report

Thank you. I'm glad you've enjoyed my story and I'm happy to say that I'm already working on the next one.