Archive > HereticalTendencies > Writing > Early stuff that probably needs editing > Side stories > All Aboard the Chrystal Express
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All Aboard the Chrystal Express By HereticalTendencies

Uploaded: 11 months ago

Views: 1,944

File size: 33.58 KiB

MIME Type: application/vnd.openxmlformats-officedocument.wordprocessingml.document

Comments: 8

Favorites: 23

Apologies for first upload, forgot eka's formatting issues. This should be better.

A young girl decides to take a ride aboard the giantess Chrystal and gets a little more than she asked for.

Giantesses arn't usually my thing, but I had to write about the giantess transportation company. Sorry for the slow upload rate as of late. Hopefully, Enjoy!

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Posted by Taris 11 months ago

im also not usually a giantess person, but this was really nice :)


Posted by HereticalTendencies 11 months ago

Glad you enjoyed it!


Posted by Apex 11 months ago

Well, that was nice. You'd think the lead up to the sexy part would be at least just a little boring, but I found myself reading expectantly instead because I wanted to see where and how it would take that turn. Wasn't disappointed even if that first bit of dialogue between Chrystal and Denise was a bit of a cliche and felt kind of stale. Particularly the, "it's time for the final act," line, which I think only irks me so much because I used almost the exact same line in at least one something and it just made the whole thing so damn stiff and now I can't read it without cringing.

In other news, this is, in my opinion, your best story mechanically or structurally or whatever the correct term is. It's not perfect but it flows very well most of the time and the number of errors is way down. That being said, the most noticeable problem is that a lot of your dialogue ends without punctuation. When it's a sentence that goes ("Blah blah blah," said Denise), you need that comma where the spoken words end and the "said" or whatever the "outro" word is (whispered, yelled). If it's just a ("Blah blah" "Blah blah blah") exchange then it's periods, or if it's more of a ("Blah blah." Denise shook her head.) then you end the sentence with a period before describing whatever action is taking place. Assuming the problem isn't just an issue with the formatting translating to the site and I've just explained something you already know. You seem to have a better time adding the exclamation and question marks when the sentence calls for it, so...? Sorry if it is /shrug.

All in all, a huge improvement. Good job.


Posted by HereticalTendencies 11 months ago

I figured since Chrystal was a actor, she had a "excuse" to say it kind of ironically. But yea, I get your point.

The formatting issue was a issue of lack of spaces between paragraphs. Grammar and punctuation is something I do need to work on, and I'm always unsure on how to end sentence punctuation inside quotations. I'll endeavor to do that with future stories.

Glad to be making some improvement! Prepare to be dissapointed in the next stories however! :P


Posted by ethan3369 11 months ago

This is one of the best stories i have read


Posted by HereticalTendencies 11 months ago

I'm glad you enjoyed it!


Posted by Groblek 11 months ago

Very nice! I love Chrystal's playfulness with her passengers, as well as the romance bit with Emmet and Denise.


Posted by HereticalTendencies 11 months ago

Thanks a lot! It was a lot of fun to write. I'm glad you enjoyed it!