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Dollhouse Nightmare By Cuddlekins

Uploaded: 2 months ago

Views: 1,561

File size: 48.38 KiB

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Comments: 16

Favorites: 49

Tags: Abuse Child Child Pred Digestion Doll House F/F F/FF Fatal Human Pred Human Prey lesbian Lesbian sex lesbians loli loli pred Macro/Micro Oral Vore playful Playing with Prey Sex shrunken woman Soft Vore Stomach Stomach Sex Story Swallowing toying Underage Underaged pred Unwilling yuri Edit

One Tag Per Line!

Man, this ended up being waaay longer than I'd expected.

Soo, a woman is shrunken and is forced to be a doll for a loli. Loli stuff happens, and people get eaten. Good times.

This is for the people who wanted adult prey being eaten by a loli pred. It's an idea I'd been sitting on for a while but I didn't really have much of the specs worked out. For example, I had two different endings planned, so I picked one at the last second and rolled with it. I hope I picked the right one O:

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Comments
Sabrina

Posted by Sabrina 2 months ago

What a highly enjoyable story! Not just from a fetish stand point but from the whole narrative!

The mystery, and dare I say even the more horror elements, blended really well here.

I liked how you really never flat out explained what happened in regards to how the 'dolls' got to Evie.

Very good work here! Wouldn't mind seeing more of this series!

Cuddlekins

Posted by Cuddlekins 2 months ago

Thanks a bunch o: I might revisit this; not sure yet, but we'll see

Forstand

Posted by Forstand 2 months ago

What was the other ending you were choosing from?

Cuddlekins

Posted by Cuddlekins 2 months ago

I put it a summary of it in a spoiler tag on my last blog o:

Jamie263

Posted by Jamie263 1 month ago

I enjoyed that.

Cuddlekins

Posted by Cuddlekins 1 month ago

Thanks, I'm glad you did o:

Jamie263

Posted by Jamie263 1 month ago

Keep up the good work

ChibiToy

Posted by ChibiToy 1 month ago

So here I am wannabe-analyst ChibiToy has arrived to crush your hopes. ;P

I admit, this might be my personal opinion but let me say straight: This ending kinda ruined all the atmosphere you built on the way. I think the other one would have been better, simply because it would've forced you to focus on different aspects of the moment, not giving you an ultimate weapon to deathblow any guy... As if two people inside a horribly smelly, cramped and forcefully lively room would think about having sex as soon as they have the opportunity... Your average person will go through the classical five steps of acceptance. Of course they wouldn't accept being eaten like that and try to trash around before they were forced to accept that they can't get out... I don't wanna sound like the bad guy (and I'm sure most guys are very satisfied with a sex scene right after seeing their fetish come true) but it totally destroyed the characters credibility at the end. It's really a shame! Especially with that panic reaction from Eileen right before they were eaten, I could totally feel that moment and it would probably be something MOST people would!

Also I would've appreciated if you gave the actual pred a bit more attention. You kinda dismissed her "just saying" stuff like "she did that" and "she watched that" etc. You briefly describe her at the start and except a few scenes like Lucia's car accident you simply toss her aside, focusing only on the preys. - While that's not necessarily a negative point, that's certainly something which would've giving your story a slightly sharper touch, relaying the horror and despair of the situation even better to the reader. I missed a bit how you emphasize that she's just playing with her toys, innocent and without a care in the world. How did she watch them? (e.g. like she could've laid on her belly, resting her head on her hands and swinging her legs to and fro... - stuff like that.)

There are minor details about the fetish portion itself which you could've giving more attention but it's good as it is.(Like since you mention Eileen's muffled screams, I would've liked if you would've pronounced the moment when they fade into her neck.) Either I seem to have missed it but I think you don't mention their actual size. I'm really sure it's on purpose to leave that detail to the reader's imagination but I'd like to know for sure since the exact size heavily influences how the actual swallowing will go(and it was a bit contradictory when I had a "grab-sized" size in mind until I've realized that, basing from how easily she gets them down, they can't be even action-figure size which interferes with my believe that Evie can feel them struggle afterwards...)

Sooooooo, now it's not all bad and there were things I really liked on the way:

Kinda mentioned already but I like the scene with the "doctor" and the "boss" very much. This shows pretty much the "innocent child playing with her dolls"-side of your story. You really should've made a few other passages of these rowdy games! You take your time establishing the unsettling atmosphere and the character building, giving it a good amount of effort, to try to relay how the victims feel in this absurd situation. You should've given us the preds point of view as well! Since you mainly focus on the tension of the situation and the emotions of the prey instead the actual vore, you should gone into more detail about Evie's facial expression while she plays with her toys to let us assume what's on her mind. A very, very few minor errors caught my attention but with this much text it's bound to happen... I like your way with words very much. Not a thing I can say except: A job well done!

In conclusion: (The ending aside!) This is a very, very good story. Building a gloomy and depressing atmosphere and implementing vore in it in an offhanded yet playful way. You could've gone into a bit more detail here and there since you already wrote a ton of text and if you go that far, might as well go through with it. :p It would be - without a doubt - be one my most favorites - and while many other won't mind it - but you totally crushed all your hard work right before the end for me with this kinda forced and out-of-place sex scene...

Cuddlekins

Posted by Cuddlekins 1 month ago

Man, I really appreciate the effort you put in this comment o:

I did debate whether or not I wanted to include the sex scene, given their circumstances, hence why I had an alternate ending planned out. I've done the 'sex in the stomach' thing more times than I can count (a trope I'm a little more fond of than I'd like to admit), but looking this one over, I do feel it's bit clunkier. I try to segue into it as like... it being a culmination of extreme emotions and carried out as a manner of coping, but this time it just kinda happens. And yeah. I do agree I missed a few details there in the end that would've really cemented the moment o: It did get a little rushed at the end, if it isn't obvious. You see the ending in sight and you just wanna pinch it off and move on. :c I used to be better about this sorta thing

But yeah, I'm glad you liked it in spite of everything o: Thank you for going a little more in-depth like you did. o:

ChibiToy

Posted by ChibiToy 1 month ago

I couldn't stop thinking about how you ended and my mind keeps playing this scene - and I really can't believe I'm saying this:

Evie sloshes Eileen in her mouth before she chews briefly, her face grimaces and she's disgusted by the icky taste, spitting "her" back out and gives it another try with Lucia saying something like "Yuck, she tasted awful! But you'll be tasty, right?" and swallows her in one piece since the salty taste of Eileen wasn't that bad.

I think this would've fitted perfectly to Evie's character here and would've really instilled fear in the soft vore reader of this story.(And I emphasize again, that's the felt main objective of your story) We want to be gulped down, not getting chewed up... Evie just wants to eat them to teach them a lesson so I think it's only natural that she would chew the first one... except she's like "I know! I just have to make sure you can't escape from me anymore..."

Don't rush yourself during a story, if anywhere do it somewhere in the middle or at the start... I think the conclusion is one of the most important parts so you absolutely have to give it your all during that final step!

But what's done is done. Maybe just keep it in mind for future stories :3

Cuddlekins

Posted by Cuddlekins 1 month ago

Yeeah. I mean, I might come back to this and fix a few details, but I doubt I'd change much of the story itself. Thanks tho o:

ChibiToy

Posted by ChibiToy 1 month ago

Ugh, sorry! Didn't mean it like that, I was just telling you what my mind is picturing.

You shouldn't touch a finished whatsoever!

Cuddlekins

Posted by Cuddlekins 1 month ago

I know, don't be sorry D:

Agora

Posted by Agora 3 weeks ago

Lol @ ChibiToy tearing into you! Now you see the kinda thoroughness I had to go through when he proofread my last story XD God bless him.

And, really, I think he's right with the stomach sex scene; I've read a lot of your stories where this happens, but this time... it just did not work at all for me. I mean, not that it works for me ever, since I'm not into the stomach play, but this time the sudden change of mood and actions of the characters just did not match up with the situation : )

I also have to say that other ending would have been more interesting for me, too. It would have tied so well into the story leading up to the vore if ONE of them survived, even better if it turns out to be Lucia, who had just gotten betrayed!

There's also the bit where they're all patient before trying to escape... but not patient enough to wait for the parents to also leave for work, in which case they would have been totally alone!

Nitpick aside; I did really dig how you described everything about the doll house and games they were subjected to! Some great attention to detail all around which made the read just fly by as I was sucked into your setting and the uneasy tension. Good stuff!

Cuddlekins

Posted by Cuddlekins 3 weeks ago

Yeah i understand fully. Oh well, I'll know better for next time hopefully o: I'm glad you got immersed tho :D part of me was afraid I glossed over a lot of it too much