Uploaded: 6 years ago
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My first vore story, i would appreciate any constructive criticism
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Posted by Gardelicious 6 years ago Report
You might want to have someone proofread your stuff. A lot of small things slip past spellcheck very easily, and the quality suffers because of it.
Maybe go in a bit more detail as well. Take the swallowing sequences for example. What is the pred doing, exactly? What is the prey doing? What do each feel, both physically and emotionally?
This is just a few things. You want to be thorough in everything. All in all, okay for a first story.
Posted by BobTheWeeb8 6 years ago Report
Thanks for the advice, i will try to work on my grammar, spelling and stuff. I might switch to original characters to try to create more emotion
Posted by Reaverbot 6 years ago Report
Loved the concept and characters. You bent them around just enough to fit a vore story without them being too out of place. Satania is a fun character and makes a great predator. Similarly, I loved the way you had everything play out with some degree of humor.
The formatting is all out of whack. I dunno if that was on the site's end because this place really messed that up sometimes. Proofreading is the big problem. There's a ton of capitalization problems and misspellings. I'm no golden example of when it comes to that but in this case it's actively pretty detrimental to the story.
Overall, really focus on proofreading, and maybe being a little bit more descriptive. Things felt kinda sparse in parts. I look forward to more stuff from you.
Posted by BobTheWeeb8 6 years ago Report
Thanks for the advice, I've never been the best at grammar but i will be more careful next time
Posted by Eclipseneko51 6 years ago Report
I found that very enjoyable but something was missing from it and you should go into a bit more detail about what's happening with everyone in the story and there emotions in the events that are happening
Posted by BobTheWeeb8 6 years ago Report
Thanks for the advice, i'll try to go more in depth for my next story
Posted by The_Prof 5 years ago Report
him I wonder how the story would have played out if Saitana HADN'T learned her lesson about giving her weapons to Gabriel before using it
Posted by BobTheWeeb8 5 years ago Report
Satania may have became angel food
Posted by PakooNotDario 4 years ago Report
thanks bob
Posted by BobTheWeeb8 4 years ago Report
No problem, I'm glad you liked it