Uploaded: 6 years ago
Views: 8,400
File size: 62.63 KiB
MIME Type: application/rtf
Comments: 4
Favorites: 104
A Herm Businesswoman has to share her seat on the bus. It doesn't take long for her to get to know her fellow commuters intimately.
This is one of my first vore stories so please give me the benefit of long time lurker - first time poster! Let me know what you think or ways to improve! Hope you enjoy!
Please login to post a comment.
Posted by Resileaf 6 years ago Report
For a first, that's extremely good~ Well done!
Posted by Apex 6 years ago Report
Hm. Hmhmhmm. It's actually pretty good. Kind of reminds me of my first attempts at writing a bit.
If I had to give any advice, I'd say it's a bit sparse on details. I had just a bit of trouble visualizing some of the positions the participants were taking, for starters. In the same vein, there's an overuse of Sophie's name and the word "the" to start sentences that I feel renders the description of the sexy bits a bit bland. There is the occasional separating sentence, which is good, but it sometimes feels far too short for it to be good for the flow. If that makes any sense. I can elaborate if necessary.
Other than that, I'm always down for herms casually fucking people with their big old cocks before digesting them with their orifice of choice. Looking forward to seeing what else you've got.
Posted by WideVariety 5 years ago Report
Even without much detail, I'm still head over heels for the unnamed businesswoman owo keep it up!!!
Posted by SenpaiVore 5 years ago Report
Hope to see a sequel