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Occupational Hazards By nineplay

Uploaded: 8 months ago

Views: 1,864

File size: 68.98 KiB

MIME Type: application/rtf

Comments: 6

Favorites: 45

You are a tiny individual just trying to make ends meet, tasked as an employee of a fast-food establishment with cleaning tables in real time while normal-sized patrons enjoy their food.

One day, some giant girls eating all around you decide to have a little fun...and it probably won't end well.

Hey all! This is my first story uploaded on here. :)

Thanks for reading! There will be more.

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Posted by sladearanzero 8 months ago

This is a great story for your first! I really enjoyed it. Bitchy/Cruel preds are my favorite but it is hard to find good stories. I look forward to your next work.


Posted by nineplay 8 months ago

Yessss cruel preds are some of the best. Thanks! Glad you enjoyed.


Posted by 157and493 8 months ago

Oh, I remember this one.


Posted by nineplay 8 months ago

Oh really! Cool to know someone who followed me before is on here. I kinda dropped off the face of the earth a few months ago lol


Posted by ChibiToy 8 months ago

I see... I see... Stumbled over this by accident. At first, I just skimmed over it but somewhere, I have to admit that you intrigued me with that one and I had no other choice but to give it my undivided attention. With that said, wannabe-critic ChibiToy is at it again:

I think it wouldn't have hurt to add a few more details here and there. Doesn't need to be everywhere but I think especially the "fetish sections", you choose to deal with, deserve a little more attention. All the more when I consider how well versed you are. The descriptions you made were pretty lively after all and I liked the way you expressed yourself overall! (Just as an example, I can't imagine a one inch person would be able to withstand a burst of air that takes the shape of a massive burp, they'd prolly get blown away or tumbled all over at least - stuff like that)

You landed somewhere between a typical "quickie" and a "real" story... In my eyes a bit too shallow for a story but too deep for a quickie. I can feel that you certainly have thought about the situation, characters and all that but *see above*. :3

Would've loved to see a bit more interaction between pred(s) and prey. You obviously did care to introduce everything and then it all happened so fast... In this case, this isn't necessarily a bad point because it somehow worked as valid way to deliver a feeling for the situation to me. That usual "gulp - you're eaten - that's it" kinda thing generally bothers me but - again - this somehow really fits to underline how Maddie and the girls are thinking about the situation, so I guess I'll have to let it slide this time :P

Although, for me, a few things didn't really add up... I'm talking about stuff like that an one inch tiny produces a well-visible bulge in her throat or - You actually dodged that bullet :p buuuut - you implied that Maddie greedily stuffed her face and inside her stomach, I get the impression she ate just a lil bit before swallowing "me".

On that note, it's not that often that I read something which tries to implement the reader as part of the story - I mean it's not that often that I read stories at all but hey! :3 - so this is a big bonus point since I love that. Couldn't help but crack a smile on the bland, almost bored "your 20-something years old" and that whole passage was an interestingly playful way to introduce the protagonist and the circumstances! You should've kept up that spirit for the rest of your story!

Man I write too much -.- Umm okay sooooo... I think you could, maybe, perhaps think about the style you write. I know that a passage for every action/thing that happens is easy to follow, short and snappy, but you lose quite a bit of atmosphere since you can't really highlight certain passages/happenings like with paragraphs. Dunno... feels to me like there are no important or unimportant parts in your story, everything is just whole, single mass... if you know what I'm trying to get at... And I know that not everyone likes to read a real text so this is just my personal opinion!

Long story short: It was a solid, entertaining, if somewhat short, story. Certainly a few things you could, and should, try to improve here and there and I just know that you could, if you wanted to, but it is more than sufficient as it is.

Last but not least... my personal, crushing impression: To be totally honest, the story itself is just a bit better than average in my eyes... What I liked much more was all the potential I saw in there. Keep working to hone your skills even further. I'll definitely keep my eyes peeled. I expect great things from you and hope that you'll tackle a story with a bit more "consistence" in the future :3


Posted by nineplay 7 months ago

Oh wow. Thank you so much for the critique! I've been a fan of your work for a while, and see you credited in other work I really enjoy, so this is really valuable to me honestly.

Besides expressing my gratitude for you taking the time I'm a little lost on what to say haha. I mean everything you hit was spot-on, and I can certainly see where to expand on in developing my writing from these involved quickies to complete stories. This comment is pretty much the best outcome I could get from choosing to post this as my first story here; a few months ago this was one of my most developed works personally, and I want to keep improving, but of course there's really only a few places to go to get feedback on this sort of...thing :3 and so here I am.

Anyways, yeah, thanks again for the tips and critiques, this is going into my next vorish outing :P