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Hailey not being interested in too many things gets fascinated with the idea but generally keeps the idea to herself. However things change as soon as she opens her sister's door to check up on her.
I honestly don't know what to say,I just felt like writing this one up. Let me know if there's anything I could've worked on or done differently. Nonetheless I hope you all enjoy.
Thumbnail: https://www.newgrounds.com/art/view/pixel-bimbos/28-august-patreon-submission
Posted by Slayerhero90 7 months ago Report
Always great to just have some nice, wholesome incest.
I just have a bit of critique in terms of technique:
I think you rely too much on one word for any given thing; for example, you use "pussy" just about every time you refer to a character's snatch. I find, especially when it comes to our hobby's focus on sex, vore, and the anatomy of both, that it really helps to have a solid handful of common synonyms you like to use (such as, in this example, snatch, slit, flower, box, etc.) and cycle between them every time you need to talk about the pussy. This goes a good way towards making your writing less repetitive.
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Posted by Mrhidden119 7 months ago Report
Thank you for your comment and critique, I will definitely try to work on that in future writings. Thank you for the different word suggestions as well, I'll see what I can do with them.
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