“It’s not fair!” Lauren continues her protest, stomping her little feet as her classmates move towards the door, ready to go back to class. You notice that the boys move a little quicker than the girls; they always seem to be glad when PE is over. “I should have won and you should be on you way to TURD CITY!” She continues to add more emphasis to the word each time she says it.
You would have thought that hearing the threat and brushing closer and closer to losing your bet with Lauren would make the possibility of your demise seem more realistic and scarier, but really as you move closer to the brink, the more the whole thing seems like a fun kids game. You’re having a blast, and every time you hear her threaten you with turddom, you have a hard time holding back the same smiles and giggles her classmates have. It’s time that you put an end to the games.
“You know what, Lauren,” you say, getting down on your knees at her side, putting a hand on her tiny shoulder and looking in to her playful brown eyes, “you’re right, it’s not fair.” Her eyes sparkle at this sign of hope and her shocked classmates turn around. Did they really hear what they think they just heard? A teacher caving to a student?
“It’s not fair so I’m going to give you a choice.” You continue, speaking calmly, even though you are just as excited as the children are. “We can play again and you can see if you can beat me,” you pause to smile before adding the next part, “but since you were going to win anyways, if you don’t want to play again, you can just eat me.” The children collectively gasp at this surprise proposition.
“Really?!” Lauren beamed.
“Basketball’s boring. Being an adult is boring.” Suddenly this turns in to a very potent realization for you—you’re fed up with your life. “Being a kid is fun. But since I can't be a kid, I guess the next best thing is being part of you."
“You WANT to be a poo?” She seems skeptical and thrilled at the same time.
“A big one!” You exclaim excitedly, moving your hands as wide apart as you can, causing all of the third graders to giggle. “So do we want to play again or are you going to make me a smelly ol’ log?”
