You salute like a good soldier and walk off as the captain begins briefing the patrol. The long day has made your armor feel heavy so you head to the barracks to change out of it for the rest of the night. When you arrive it's empty, aside from the voracious Pandaren who out of all the beds in the room has somehow chosen yours to relax in. With a quiet sigh you strip off your armor, leaving you clad in only an Alliance tabbard and some pants, and set your gear at the foot of your bed. Li-Fang looks up, seemingly for the first time, as she hears you set down your equipment. "Something wrong, Evelyn?"
"You're in my bed," you state, maintaining a professional tone and trying not to stare at her churning belly. "I was kind of hoping to get some rest."
A devious smile spreads across her face. "Oh, I'd move if I could, but I'm sooo full, I don't think I could manage... I'll need to wait until this girl is aaaall gone." She finishes with an overly exaggerated pat of her massive midsection.
"Really?" you ask.
She pulls on your arm. "Maybe if you helped me with her I'd be gone sooner?"
You want to argue. You really do. But after spending all day trudging through the snow in your heavy armor all you want is some peace and relaxation, and the fastest way to do that is to give in. You slump your shoulders, sigh, and take a seat on the edge of your bed and begin massaging her belly. The Pandaren is awfully chatty, falling into a recounting of her adventures in Azeroth quite easily as your hands deftly knead her belly flesh, and before long her stomach is speaking alongside her, though it's singing a much different tune. She talks about the monsters she's slain, the various people she's met, and her wonder at the massive kingdoms of Azeroth outside of her native Pandaria. Then she spends several minutes on the subject of her daughter, gushing about how proud she is of her, and only spares a brief footnote for her husband who she ate after learning he was cheating on her.
You're an expert as assisted digestion, and before long the already faint movements from inside her have stopped and her belly begins to shrink. It's been about 45 minutes since you sat down and her meal is half gone, but despite your earlier annoyance you find yourself pulled into the conversation and engage with her. You tell her about your sister in Stormwind who she takes an interest in, and before long you've told her tales of your own adventures, including the battle against the Lich King which she listens to with wide, curious eyes. Not long after that, thanks to your practiced hands, her belly is nearly back to normal.
"So you're a big Alliance hero, huh?" she asks.
You shrug. "I was just doing what everyone else was and trying not die."
"Don't be so modest!" she says. "I think the big hero deserves a big kiss!" She sits up, faster than you'd expect, and plants on on your cheek again.
You wipe it away. "Hey, can you not do that again?"
She frowns for the first time since you brought her back. "Oh... not interested in girls?"
"Uh... I'm actually 'very' interested in them," you correct her. "But I don't want things like that just... sprung on me by strangers. It's uncomfortable, and unprofessional."
Her characteristic mirth drains a bit from her voice as she replies "Oh, alright then."
You try to backpedal, tripping over your words as you usually do. "I mean, there's nothing wrong with you, you're beautiful, but-"
"We're moving too fast?" Her smile reappears, smaller this time, but you can still tell that she enjoys toying with you.
"There is no 'we' right now," you tell her.
Her smile widens. "But there will be later, then? Great!" She springs up from your bed, back to her normal self, and makes a quick exit before you can voice a rebuttal. She leaves you there alone to gently sigh and facepalm at your awkward attempts to backtrack the conversation.
It's now completely dark out and with the patrol ambushing the Horde there is only a little over a dozen Alliance personnel here. Some unsettling sensation in the back of your mind tells you that something is very wrong but you can't quite place what it is. Besides, you have your gear close at hand, so if anything does happen, which it shouldn't, you'll be able to spring into action.
Until then though you pull a book from your footlocker and begin to read, eyes beginning to grow heavy with each turn of the page. Nobody else has come in since Li-Fang left and you're feeling awfully sleepy, but just before your eyes shut completely you can hear a commotion outside.
