Dismissive Thanks

[Tailslover13]

The roleplay pet peeves thread aside, many online people nowadays (I'm not even limiting this to just those in the Eka's Portal rooms) seem to be extremely uppity and narcissistic. As the years go by, it heavily seems like society continues to worsen, with people around you acting more and more awful, disconnected, robotic, emotionless, rude, or stupid. Basically, when I attempt to engage with people online, whether it be on Discord, or Twitter, or Eka's Portal, or FurAffinity, or Deviantart, or you name it, there seems to be a 90% chance of one of the following happening:

1. The person types a very dismissive 'thanks' with no punctuation, capitalization, effort, or care whatsoever. And that's pretty much all they say, too.

2. The person flat-out ignores you, even though they recently just posted so you know they're online, or they're literally SET to 'online', so they're blatantly just ignoring you.

3. The person just quickly says they don't like your character and they aren't interested, not even bothering to respond to what it was you actually said to them in the first place.

Now it's very easy to say things like "You aren't ENTITLED to anybody's attention!" or "This sounds like a YOU problem, so you're likely just an unlikable person", but I've had many others tell me the same exact things. I consider myself a literate and fairly reasonable person to get along with. I don't just give one-line intros or half-ass attempts at saying hello to people. I'll typically compliment the person's character, their kinks, their profile, and what I like about it; I'll also hope that they're doing well, say that it's nice to meet them, and just be cordial and polite. I won't even just jump right into a "Hey, wanna roleplay? Here's my idea..." like so many others do, since I find it rude if you just immediately have an idea to give someone who you just met; it feels like you're only using them for sex, instead of actually talking with them a little first, so I don't do that. But, no matter how literate, detailed, and kind I try to be, one of the three options I listed above always (90% of the time) seems to happen. It's frustrating.

Again, yes, I know people can choose to talk or play with who they want, and it's fair that they may not like your character or kinks, and it's fair they COULD be busy or something. I get all that. But this has been going on for years and years, and almost EVERYWHERE online. And, again, I'm not the only one who continues to get shut down by others all the time. It just feels like people aren't REALLY 'trying' nowadays. They're so guarded, cold, and distant. Granted, with all the ugliness in the world today, I can't say I BLAME them. But it's also just a shame, because for the parts of humanity that are still trying their best to be good people, it makes it harder to build connections and meet new people when you constantly get shunned or pushed away for no reason.

I swear, the amount of times I've tried to talk to somebody in the Eka's chat room, only for them to dismissively say 'thanks' and nothing else again has got to be in the hundreds by this point. Like, I would say out of every 10 people I attempt to try and talk to, 7 of them flat-out ignore me, 2 of them just say 'thanks' and go completely silent after, and 1 will be nice enough to give me the time of day and we could have a fun chat...before they usually just say "Oh, actually, it's very late where I am, so I'm gonna sleep now!" or they also just vanish and I never see their character online again. Gotta love life online nowadays, eh?

[gromyko]

I think the obvious counterpoint is that, ultimately, on the Internet as it exists today, people are constantly bombarded with attempts to communicate and connect, far beyond anyone's ability to cope with. And most of those are insincere or synthetic. It would be impossible and self-destructive to even try to give a meaningful response, and there wouldn't be any benefit in doing it, either. We live in a world of "social media" which turns human social responses into a commodity, so out of sheer self-defense people have to suppress those responses. It's the same way that nobody wants to look around them, because of the prevalence of advertising, designed specifically to trigger the reflexes that attract attention.

Even without chatbots and troll farms and all the rest, the vast facilities for interaction afforded by modern communications might be beyond what a person could reasonably handle. But it's primarily those anti-human elements which wreck the various mechanisms people have built to cope with excess interaction opportunities, because that's exactly what they're built to do.

[deathknight]

Well part of the issue is sometimes people are working, or are busy irl when they have their status set to online. I have found on fchat/flist that people can ignore your DM/PMS several times before they will hit the ignore button. As for the "thanks" bit, I am guilty of it too and it is common. The one of "not interested" happens all the time as they will skim your profile or see your Handle and be all "Not what i want'. I have a feeling and I can understand it is that you are more embittered by the rejection. Hell I have rejected hundreds of times to where I half expect it at the start these days. I think it might be you need to prepare yourself for disappointment before you speak to some people online

[Jamaris]

Some people just don't want random people interacting with them. The few times I've entered large kink chats, I usually just find my few people and stick with them. It is cliqueish, but. I don't want to talk to 600 other people all vying for my attention, I just want the few that I like to talk to. Not everyone is ready for rando #17 to strike up a conversation with. Or they may just be busy or looking for a little time killing before they go to bed. I frequently find myself in the 'hour until bed, don't do anything too busy because bed soon' mode, so usualyl I just get into a chat to yap about something.

[GREGOLE]

We don't open up easily because we're afraid the person we'd be opening up to might make a thread on the forum to complain about us not giving them enough attention.

[Vidofinir]

Honestly, while nobody is entitled to a response or a scene by default, I do think a lot of people seem to lack common decency indeed. I lurk in the chat room a lot, and while I'm not the most social, nor do I get approached TOO often, I try to reply to everyone who shows interest with some degree of humanity. While I don't think it's obligatory to strike up a conversation with everyone who says Hi, I do wish it was a little more common, at least. Generally speaking I don't tend to approach anyone first, but in the half-dozen or so times I can remember doing so in recent memory, I was straight up ignored in all but one instance. It's not the end of the world, but it is a bit of a bummer.

I suppose for a lot of people, roleplaying is more... transactional? They know what they want, and won't waste their time if they're not getting it. Nothing wrong with that per se, but I'm personally a lot more social about it. I'd rather chat a bit, bounce ideas around, maybe make friends, etc. If someone approaches me looking for something I'm into, a random one-off scene with no obligation to follow up is always nice as well. But I'd feel bad simply saying 'not interested', or ignoring someone, personally.

tl;dr: I know what you mean, and it's rather a shame. I personally feel like chat rooms are inherently a social thing, and wouldn't discard being at least somewhat social toward people, personally. But to each their own.

[AwesomestPanda]

I don't just give one-line intros or half-ass attempts at saying hello to people. I'll typically compliment the person's character, their kinks, their profile, and what I like about it; I'll also hope that they're doing well, say that it's nice to meet them, and just be cordial and polite. I won't even just jump right into a "Hey, wanna roleplay? Here's my idea..." like so many others do, since I find it rude if you just immediately have an idea to give someone who you just met; it feels like you're only using them for sex, instead of actually talking with them a little first, so I don't do that. But, no matter how literate, detailed, and kind I try to be, one of the three options I listed above always (90% of the time) seems to happen.

Just an aside, since was lurking but this part of the message stuck out to me because I have a very different view on it. When I'm on a roleplay site like ekas, we should only be using each other for sex/casual lewd fun. I have friends outside of this for chatting and small talking - when someone from here is overly friendly and asking me about my day, I'll respond to be polite but it feels disingenuous at best and creepy at worst to me. I might just be jaded from bad experiences with trying to go further than that in the past, though. I don't want to make friends here though and I try to stop anyone from getting the wrong idea about it.

In any case, if someone said "Hey, wanna roleplay? Here's my idea..." that would be great! I get too many "Hey" or "wanna rp" and then have to dig out their idea by saying "Maybe, what do you have in mind?" It would be awesome to find someone who jumps in-character right away (as long as they've read my kinks) or jumps right into an idea, instead of beating around the bush

Anyway - I realize I just took a part of your overall post and responded to it somewhat out of context. Not trying to comment on the overall point, though I will say I don't really relate. I tend toward doing (1.) or (3.) depending on the situation, though I try to be polite on it. Hopefully this at least gives another perspective though

[BepisBepis]

This might not really be what op means, but I've personally been on the "Thank you" end of many-a "Cute Character" "Thank you" "You're welcome" type exchanges that go no further than that and like. I don't think the fault for the conversation petering out in that situation is entirely mine. I don't consider myself great at holding a conversation, and there isn't really much to converse about there. Like, am I supposed to ask the person who approached me if they want to rp? There's a great chance to tack on some kind of idea in the "you're welcome" post right there, I feel like I shouldn't assume that every single person who drops a compliment is full on out to rp right then and there, and like, what can I even say except "Thank you"? I only approach people if I at least have an idea, I feel like that's the polite thing to do since people I talk to on ekas are strangers. If a fun chat about ideas sparks from that, great. A chat isn't going to start from just saying hi, though.

[Gendor]

With only the barest bits of spite: Leftists...

With less spite, Yes, people are becoming more full of themselves as the world is opening up to them. When the portal was much smaller many people made do with each others even if we weren't even mostly a match, and these days there isn't much relationship building anymore.
If you were an asshole back in the day you burned your bridges pretty quickly.

I do think it can be a waste of time with pleasantries, and this is probably the part where you notice if someone is right for you or not. If someone starts complimenting me, I will tell them to get to the point (usually in a nicer manner) but if I feel like they are the kind of person I won't personally enjoy getting to know, it is more likely to just be a quickie, if it even gets that far. I imagine people who prefer the small talk before establishing a connection are more likely to be the opposite!

I always consider myself open to whatever person may come, but my social battery is limited and I can only keep in touch with so many before they have to approach me.

[GramzonTheDragon]

Leftists...? Uh sure if you say so...

Anyway, I can only speak for myself in less chatroom oriented settings, but I have other interests and obligations beyond vore, and a lot of contacts, on top of shifting moods. I may be all vorny and chomping at the bit on a random tuesday afternoon and more open to a new contact with similar preferences. Or it's a saturday and I'm busy with an almost weekly irl friend gathering to play some tabletop games for 80% of the waking hours before my batteries are drained. On top of that with all the people I do know I'm hesitant to accept say a random friend request when I know 4/5 people who poke aren't going to like one of my key kinks, and gotta get to the point of comparing kinks and ideas... on top of then lining up a time to do a roleplay between fickle moods and the desire to work on my hobbies or play games. With all the overhead that has to be done to juggle work, hobbies, and sleep, if the match isn't really good from the get go with an interesting character with at least a ref image, and a few matching vore kinks, I'll likely be turning someone down, or ghosting them. Often unintentionally because I'm getting poking while playing a game then get swept back up into it.

Of course this isn't a straight 1-1 comparison, as you would expect someone in a vore chatroom to be looking for vore at that moment and not playing a super intense, attention-hogging game, but at the end of the day it's often way simpler to go to someone you know you gel with who you met months or years ago than to try and forge fresh connections.

[Mouthful]

It's really easy to say "You aren't ENTITLED to anybody's attention!" because it is one hundred percent true and one hundred percent applicable to the matter of you initiating a conversation with a complete stranger and then whining because they didn't respond in a manner that's on your list of acceptable options. If you come off in chat the way you do on this post then I'm not surprised that people slide on out of a conversation with you as quickly as they can.

[Randomdude5]

"What is the worst behavior that I can get away with, and blame others who don't like it?" is the wrong question to be asking about how to interact with people in the chatroom. "How can I behave in such a way that makes the chatroom a better place?" is a better question

[RavenousLeona]

From my time RPing on Eka's Chat and Vulpine Hollow (I'd been on Eka's for 10+ years, on a prior account)? I get where you're coming from, but with a disclaimer. There are plenty of people who go on casually some nights, just to hang out. Especially on VH, which is a smaller and more closely-knit community.

I do prefer at least a little small talk to inquire about an RP scene, but sometimes it leads to empty planning. To me, it feels like I'm just using them for sex if I just jump into their pants with a "wanna RP?" thing. People who started a scene ICly got on my nerves. My habits with being on the chat consistently weren't great myself (even when I went on more than once or twice a year), so I do apologize for being part of the problem. I've had a point where I wanted to avoid sex scenes just to cut to the chase and do the vore. Even then, everybody is different in their personal preferences, availability, etc. It came to a point that the last RP scene I'd completed was not only a public one, but more casual too.

I (mostly) don't regret falling out of the song-and-dance of kink RP. Adding dismissive people who outright ignore you would've drove me batty. :v

[four_fleets]

From my time RPing on Eka's Chat and Vulpine Hollow (I'd been on Eka's for 10+ years, on a prior account)? I get where you're coming from, but with a disclaimer. There are plenty of people who go on casually some nights, just to hang out. Especially on VH, which is a smaller and more closely-knit community.

I do prefer at least a little small talk to inquire about an RP scene, but sometimes it leads to empty planning. To me, it feels like I'm just using them for sex if I just jump into their pants with a "wanna RP?" thing. People who started a scene ICly got on my nerves. My habits with being on the chat consistently weren't great myself (even when I went on more than once or twice a year), so I do apologize for being part of the problem. I've had a point where I wanted to avoid sex scenes just to cut to the chase and do the vore. Even then, everybody is different in their personal preferences, availability, etc. It came to a point that the last RP scene I'd completed was not only a public one, but more casual too.

I (mostly) don't regret falling out of the song-and-dance of kink RP. Adding dismissive people who outright ignore you would've drove me batty. :v

I've been driven to f-list because of this, and other less savory elements of ETA's chatroom.

[digestor]

If you get upset when someone says they have to go, do you really think that's going to encourage further interactions? Sometimes discord can be on in the background and people are doing stuff on their computer, like actual work and it'll get ignored. It happens and its not worth getting upset over. And when someone does get upset over it, and makes an issue of it, they're really not presenting themselves in the most mature light.

The "thanks" is a step up from ghosting, its a courtesy they're not obligated to do, and its a polite way to say they're either not interested or busy.

Not here on Eka's but in other places, I've been on the other end of this equation where you are being constantly bombarded with people wanting to talk/interact with you and its as daunting as it is exhausting. Sometimes people also honestly fall through the cracks, sometimes there's just too many to get to everyone. And often, you just have absolutely no interest in talking to the dozen or so people that just tried to interact with you. The volume and time involved means not everyone gets a lengthy, well thought out curated letter explaining why you're not interested. And yes, people get very whiney and (then) belligerent when they don't get the response they were hoping for. So the whole "no one is entitled to a response" is a full and accurate statement. No "but" or "I'd be nice if", because that is being entitled to a strangers time and effort and trying to make excuses for it. It sucks when you're on the other end of it (been there lots too) but getting upset over it is just a bad look and further encourages people to not bother.


You may be happier lowering your expectations when messaging random strangers. You don't know what's happening on the other end or how many people are sending the exact same message at the same time. Odds of a reply, let alone a positive one are going to be low. Perhaps also consider changing your approach, knowing you're likely to not get the response you're hoping for, don't put all that effort when it likely won't be reciprocated.

When I'm on a roleplay site like ekas, we should only be using each other for sex/casual lewd fun. I have friends outside of this for chatting and small talking - when someone from here is overly friendly and asking me about my day, I'll respond to be polite but it feels disingenuous at best and creepy at worst to me. I might just be jaded from bad experiences with trying to go further than that in the past, though. I don't want to make friends here though and I try to stop anyone from getting the wrong idea about it.

I agree with you strongly on the overly friendly part. I'm all for being cordial, but this is a kink I do not want shared, and as a result, am not here to make friends either. Companionship of internet randos, I'm all for. But I can't really call someone a friend and have them never know anything about me besides a shared kink. Companion, peer, fellow vore enthusiast, sure, but calling that a friend just cheapens the word. So being too friendly can kinda give off, as you said a creepy vibe that may lead to prying or a needless overshare on their end.

As far as it feeling disingenuous, when someone responds with a scrip they have, and they've just used your profile or bio to fill in the blanks, it ALWAYS comes off as disingenuous, and people who use said scripts really underestimate how easy they are to spot in the wild. It instantly makes me not want to interact with someone, and the original poster here said they have one they go through. Maybe they do mean well by it, but it will always come off disingenuous and makes the interaction feel both commoditized and forced. We're all here for the same reason, dancing around it or avoiding it just feels like wasting each other's time.

[Rumor]

People are more or less the same behavior-wise in the years I've been here. You still get the people who inexplicably ghost, people who promise great things and make epic RP plans only to never be seen again, people who claim to love the session we just did and then avoids playing forever, people who get too personal, and so on. I think the only difference is the site's been around to have "old timers" and I wouldn't be surprised if the average age of the userbase has pushed upward a bit. I imagine there's some folk here who used to hop into chat as soon as their homework was done and would lie about being 18 who are now hopping on after putting the kids to bed and trying to get something quick before they need to sleep for work in the morning.

The only thing I've personally not encountered were the dismissive "thanks" responses, though that might be because how I approach people don't really leave room for that response to even make sense. I have given some "thank yous" as responses, but those are unanimously towards stray compliments with no other content in the greeting. And those folk almost never follow-up with more than a "you're welcome" and then... I guess they're expecting me to ask them to RP considering the few times I actually dug back with a "So, did you need anything from me?" response. I usually don't though since I find stray compliments awkward so I reserve it for the off-chance the person approaching has a profile I like and actually had spelling and grammar at a level I like. (A difference between "nice char" and "I like your character!")

For anyone reading this who approaches with compliments, either include the "Want to RP" question in your initial approach or follow-up the thank you with it. Like... "You're welcome! Would you like to play?"

Also, it's worth stressing everyone has different expectations of how they want to be approached and how pre-scene stuff goes and rarely list it in their profile. Some people want a "Hi, how are you" before jumping into things (like me), some want you to blast them with a full idea immediately, some want to have a full unrelated conversation first, some want to just jump straight into IC, some want to tease back and forth about what might happen in the scene to work themselves into the mood, and so on. Some of these folk will automatically reject or ghost you if you pick the "wrong approach" or do anything other than what their correct approach is and there's not really anything you can do about it except move on.

And personally, I find the scene hunt process to be far, far more bearable if I'm doing other things at the same time, like playing games or whatever. It's hard to feel like I completely wasted my night failing to get any scenes if I was playing a game or making progress on something else.

[penitent2k]

I have answered many times a thank you or thanks to people sending my profile compliments because until this post I legitimately had no idea it was a conversation ender, and worse, rude.

Because when I want to RP, I typically go "I want to RP" or a "Hello. Are you free / still looking for a scene." While other times where I sent compliments to a profile I did say "cool/cute profile" without wanting to go to a RP.

Guess I will be more aware of that, until someone makes a thread complaining they can't compliment someone without they thinking they are asking for a RP.

[Dunn2183]

Yeah. the thanks thing is just going be one of those things where I get why it happens (shoot, I've been nervous enough to fumble an approach myself in the past), but also I get why some people just leave it at thanks if they don't get a response from the other person afterwards. Especially for those who may be on characters that generally popular and inundated with approaches on RP sites like here or on F-list.

Past a point, I've just kinda learned to deal with non-responses and other potentially rude stuff by just shrugging about it: a lot of the time it usually ends up that someone's just busy enough to not respond (and there's some lovely people out there I've met, when I caught them when they weren't busy), and the few people who do get very rude about it upon being prodded are generally the kind of person I realize I might not have liked playing with them anyway.