Rubiont-47 - 2 months ago

Wish you a good luck then!

Scr00l - 2 months ago

Sorry for my grammar mistakes, my english is bad, but i like to write story this kind, i will practice more)

Scr00l - 2 months ago

Sorry for my grammar mistakes, my english is bad, but i like to write story this kind, i will practice more)

matthewthawes - 2 months ago

chat gpt helped me refien a respinse but (Your story has a strong, eerie atmosphere and an engaging premise. Here are some tips and ideas to enhance it:

Strengths:
Strong Opening: The train setting is an excellent choice for horror—claustrophobic, inescapable, and full of strangers.
Building Suspense: The interaction between Alex and Masha is well-paced, with small hints of unease that gradually intensify.
Masha’s Character: Her unsettling nature is subtly introduced through her behavior and speech, making her a compelling antagonist.
The Baby & the Stomach Movements: These details are fantastic—disturbing, uncanny, and hinting at something grotesquely supernatural.
Ways to Improve & Expand:
1. Increase the Slow-Burn Horror
Instead of making Alex immediately suspicious, let his discomfort build over time. Perhaps he brushes off the stomach movements as normal pregnancy at first, only for them to escalate.
Show Masha being overly affectionate toward the baby in a way that feels unnatural—maybe she whispers to it in a language Alex doesn’t understand, or the baby stares at Alex without blinking.
Have Alex notice odd behaviors in other passengers—perhaps more women on board seem strangely pregnant, or there are too many babies for the number of mothers.
2. Deepen the Lore
Include hints of folklore. Maybe Alex overheard a myth about a "Devouring Mother" while traveling but dismissed it.
Introduce more missing children. Perhaps the frantic mother isn't the only one. What if multiple parents are searching for their babies?
A chilling reveal: What if Masha’s belly isn’t just moving—but faces press against it from the inside, stretching the skin?
3. Make the Train Feel Like a Prison
Once the train departs, Alex could try to leave his compartment, only to find strange happenings—doors that won’t open, passengers with hollow expressions.
The train conductor might act off, perhaps too calm about the missing child, as if he’s seen this before.
A disoriented Alex might wake up to find himself in a different seat—or worse, next to another "mother."
4. A Gruesome Transformation
What if the "adoption" process begins? Alex might feel weak, his skin prickling, his body temperature dropping. Then, a deep pressure in his abdomen...
Maybe he sees another passenger—a man—his belly also swollen. Horror dawns on Alex that he could become one of Masha’s "children" next.
5. Twisted Ending Ideas
Alex Tries to Escape: He fights to jump off the train, but when he finally pries a door open, all he sees outside is darkness—no land, no tracks, just an endless void.
The Train Arrives in Moscow... but Everything is Wrong: The station is empty, the city silent, and every woman he sees carries an unnaturally large belly.
He Becomes the Next Masha: Maybe Masha disappears, and Alex wakes up with her baby in his arms and a new, swollen belly of his own—destined to continue the cycle.
This concept has huge potential for psychological horror and body horror. Would love to see where you take it!

Rubiont-47 - 2 months ago

I would recommend you to check your story on grammar mistakes.

ItachiUchiha - 1 year ago

I wish i was in her womb too

LemonBarb - 6 months ago

I too, am curious on that matter.

622 - 1 year ago

So when might part 3 come out

luisblackwolf09 - 1 year ago

Awesome story mate pretty good

Scr00l - 1 year ago

Maybe, i think, we will see it, at the third part.

Scr00l - 1 year ago

Maybeeee, i think we will in the 3 part.)))

Max28z - 1 year ago

yeah that's need more ^^

Xcross - 1 year ago

Ep 2?

Benkiller39 - 1 year ago

This is pretty good I hope you continue this

luisblackwolf09 - 1 year ago

Not bad I like this one pretty good mate would love to see what you write next