Posted by Readasaur 10 months ago Report

That... was not what I was expecting when I started reading it.
Fantastic story, very well written, I was on an emotional journey following Wanu and Korin.
I honestly thought that Wanu was correct about Korin simply emasculating him so utterly, it was only towards the end that I was allowing my perspective to be controlled by Wanu's blatant insecurities.
Excellent story, I think I would enjoy reading about Korin again if you ever continued.

Posted by ObsidianSnake 10 months ago Report

Thanks!
Korin does have other siblings, and I have already drafted a story with two of them. The draft needs a polish, though, so it'll be up later in the foreseeable future.

Posted by Mourtzouphlos 10 months ago Report

Oh-ho! A new family member this time. I'll admit I wasn't expecting that. I can definitely see how he fits in though, both in the themes of the series and in his family.

I can say though, it was not nearly as - I'm not entirely sure how to put this - hard-hitting? visceral? intense? as the description made it sound, at least to me; it was much more subtle and emotional (slow-boil was correct though). Possibly it's because I've never really had to struggle with that sort of feeling, but from the beginning to the end I read it more as 'rabbit can't stop being an asshole and then wonders why people don't like him' (It was the bit about shrew intelligence, I think. Way too on the nose to not be an authorial message). Comparing it to the first one in the series, it's labelled much more strongly (emotional battery! nightmare!) but I'd say the other one deserves some sort of warning more.

I think the point of view has a major effect on the story too. The previous commenter noted that the effect on them - which I believe was intentional - was to put the reader fully into his head and to make us see the world as he saw it until Korin finally got through his thick skull, but because I never bought into his delusions, I spent it thinking "Goddammnit! Stop ignoring everything that contradicts what you want to be true and pay attention to what's actually going on!" Which is highly fitting for the character, but also means that there's a lot of interesting stuff about Korin's relationship with the rest of the family that I, the reader, want to see, but I don't see because Wanu doesn't want to see it.

Ultimately, I think it's just that I'm not very receptive to the framework you used to tell the story, and so I mentally substituted a different one that then (because it wasn't what it was designed for) wasn't fulfilled.

Posted by ObsidianSnake 10 months ago Report

The warning is more for those with the same types of insecurities as Wanu. For those that identify immediately with Wanu, right at the opening, this story has the potential to really crawl under their skin, and I didn't want them to blow up my inbox over it. So, I placed a Dead Dove warning.

The bit about Wanu subscribing to speciest theories is the outcome of his insecurities and how he handled them up to that point. It all makes him unpleasant, sure, but also -- why is he like that? Why is anyone like that?

Anyway, just to be completely clear, I will make an authorial message here: bigotry sucks. I'm comfortable with being blunt about that. And the Carniverse stories are all about assumptions, hidden desires, social dynamics, and yes, prejudice. There's only so many of these I could write before dumb phrenology-level pseudo-science justifications for prejudice is at least alluded to. Of course it would be within a character like Wanu.

Posted by Mourtzouphlos 10 months ago Report

That makes sense (like I said, I've never had a problem with that sort of thing).

What I meant was, it was phrased in such a way that made it clear that you, the author, were sending a message about how this character thinks, in that it's immediately obvious that it's not actually true. Someone who actually believed it would phrase it more like "the (insert conspiracy group) didn't like to talk about it, but the data was there if you knew where to look"; people will pretty much always attempt to present their own beliefs in the most flattering light or at least a reasonably good one, rather than a bad one.

Posted by ObsidianSnake 10 months ago Report

Ah, I understand what you meant, now.

Wanu's foolishness is specific. His assessments are often slanted, in a juvenile kind of way. Some of that is intellectual laziness, too.

Then again, if somebody challenged him directly on this subject, at around that time in his character development, maybe he would've come up with some stellar rationalizations, good enough that some people might even find them convincing. Hell, maybe he would've convinced himself that he actually believed what he was arguing. So, I think I agree with what you're saying, at least in the general case. It's just that isn't the conditions that Wanu was operating under, inside his own head.