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A tale we all know and love
But this is no fairy tale, this is something a bit more... hungry
My part of a trade with Lemonbarb
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Posted by ConEditor 8 months ago Report
Well, that was... quite something(positive)
Posted by elliotalien08 8 months ago Report
I tried to do a different style since it was a fairy tale, i hope it worked out
Posted by LemonBarb 8 months ago Report
And honestly, it read out well.
Especially with how it's just easily set up to invade and nom a 'sequel' fairy tale. If stars align on that... ;)
Posted by elliotalien08 8 months ago Report
:3
Posted by kura1204 2 months ago Report
This is awesome story. My only wish is that you had more description of the feelings of the characters slow down just a little. Not much just w little. Try slowing down as your story approaches your climax to build tension and excitment.
I love the role reversal and your description of the wolfs reaction was excellent.
Posted by elliotalien08 2 months ago Report
My apologies, it was my first time trying this writing style
Still im always seeking to improve
Thanks for the feedback:3
Posted by kura1204 2 months ago Report
Don't apologize. Ironically I am working on my own RRH story but mine is different. I haven't shared it yet because it is still in the revision phase. And I am struggling on how to handle the valid feedback I got.
But back to your writing. It is really good I like your chacater's and their motivations. All good characater's should have a goal on their scenes and you succeed.
Also your tension and build up is really good it could just use a little tweaking on your pacing and your tension. Pacing is hard. You have a lot of potential keep up the good work.
Posted by elliotalien08 2 months ago Report
Thank you! My biggest issue is starting most sentences with names and pacinf
Posted by kura1204 2 months ago Report
Starting sentences with out a noun is hard.
But instead of saying He threw a punch say
His hand punched.
Make the part of the body or the object doing the action lead.
You can also lead with words or a quote.
My problem is I make over engineered garbage that is grammatically correct but hard to read.
Example:
His hips swayed to the rhythm of the driving, insistent rhythm streaming wirelessly into a single on-ear headphone. It was this recording—the original Broadway cast, every note, every word, every breath of the performance—that moved him as he danced with his annoyed but passive cat.
If you are interested I will share my draft. I need
proofreaders to advise me on the flow of it because I can't finish it till I figure out the pacing of the final scene.
Posted by elliotalien08 2 months ago Report
I would love to read your draft, and thanks for the advice