I don't like orochimaru at all, but I can admit he makes a good pred. Also as a hardcore Naruto fangirl, I just had to comment on this.
It's a good story, albeit a bit short. I would have liked to have seen some more of Oro's malice and manipulation. I can see Oro as a pred that teases a lot. You did make him tease, but it could have been even better if it lasted longer ;)
Still great work with how he was explaining to the girl what would happen to her ^^ I can definitely see him do that.
ow, well I always see bad comments as a way of improving my work ^^ (and believe me, I get a lot of critique on other sites x'D) That person probably meant well, it just might have come out the wrong way.
and seriously the only 'bad' thing here, is that it's a bit short. Maybe a little bit more description (I have the same problem with that too though ;) ) but other than that it's good. You really captured his personality, which is certainly not an easy thing to do.
Oh and maybe a little tip too ;) try to put alineas, it makes it more pleasant to read and the story seems longer too ^_^
How long have you been writing stories?
oh god sorry x'D an 'alinea' that's my own language ^^' I meant paragraphs lol
well I've been writing fanfics since I was 14 and I'm still not really good at it ^^
it's ok. you didn't know. i'm impressed that you did fics since 14. i never had such imaginations, or at least had the courage to make it into a story and submitt it.
oh, I never submitted them x'D especially because many of those had pre-vore in it (back then I still thought I was abnormal for liking that) Actually the first fic I ever posted was here and a HP yaoi one on fanfiction.net that's still ongoing, so that's only a couple of months ago.
I had such imagination at that age because I read a lot of fics too (avatar, inuyasha, naruto, harry potter,...) and I learnt a lot from that. ^^
OH MY GOD THIS IS SO GOOD
My fanboy eyes were GLUED to reading this! I'm a Naruto Fan and was like, "Orochimaru would make a GREAT pred" and found this golden gem. Awesome job! Definitely gonna watch for your stuff!
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Posted by Exodus 16 years ago Report
It's well written and very enjoyable, not to mention has a few twists and turns like tricks up a sleeve ^^. Nice work =)
Posted by naga07 16 years ago Report
Posted by Itachi_4_ever 16 years ago Report
I don't like orochimaru at all, but I can admit he makes a good pred. Also as a hardcore Naruto fangirl, I just had to comment on this.
It's a good story, albeit a bit short. I would have liked to have seen some more of Oro's malice and manipulation. I can see Oro as a pred that teases a lot. You did make him tease, but it could have been even better if it lasted longer ;)
Still great work with how he was explaining to the girl what would happen to her ^^ I can definitely see him do that.
Posted by naga07 16 years ago Report
thanx. at least you weren't hardcore like a certain artist (name will not be revealed to prevent a war or something)
Posted by Itachi_4_ever 16 years ago Report
ow, well I always see bad comments as a way of improving my work ^^ (and believe me, I get a lot of critique on other sites x'D) That person probably meant well, it just might have come out the wrong way.
and seriously the only 'bad' thing here, is that it's a bit short. Maybe a little bit more description (I have the same problem with that too though ;) ) but other than that it's good. You really captured his personality, which is certainly not an easy thing to do.
Oh and maybe a little tip too ;) try to put alineas, it makes it more pleasant to read and the story seems longer too ^_^
How long have you been writing stories?
Posted by naga07 16 years ago Report
alineas, what's that?? some time, but due to my slow learning skills, it's hard for me to grasp a good story somtimes
Posted by Itachi_4_ever 16 years ago Report
oh god sorry x'D an 'alinea' that's my own language ^^' I meant paragraphs lol
well I've been writing fanfics since I was 14 and I'm still not really good at it ^^
Posted by naga07 16 years ago Report
it's ok. you didn't know. i'm impressed that you did fics since 14. i never had such imaginations, or at least had the courage to make it into a story and submitt it.
Posted by Itachi_4_ever 16 years ago Report
oh, I never submitted them x'D especially because many of those had pre-vore in it (back then I still thought I was abnormal for liking that) Actually the first fic I ever posted was here and a HP yaoi one on fanfiction.net that's still ongoing, so that's only a couple of months ago.
I had such imagination at that age because I read a lot of fics too (avatar, inuyasha, naruto, harry potter,...) and I learnt a lot from that. ^^
Posted by naga07 16 years ago Report
i can see you're alot better than i am
Posted by Nixy 8 years ago Report
I feel like i have seen this on deviantart are you by chance a user called naga07? ^0^
Posted by naga07 8 years ago Report
yeah
Posted by Nixy 8 years ago Report
Oh cool!
Posted by NuggetNomsNSFW 5 years ago Report
OH MY GOD THIS IS SO GOOD
My fanboy eyes were GLUED to reading this! I'm a Naruto Fan and was like, "Orochimaru would make a GREAT pred" and found this golden gem. Awesome job! Definitely gonna watch for your stuff!