Once again another entertaining chapter. The punctuation has improved greatly, and also with the detail. What I can suggest though is that you show off some more of the character personalities.
Even though Blake did come around the end his entrance and exit where short. You could have maybe added another paragraph or two telling about the inside of his sword shop where Etrius had gone into, and perhaps the other selection of swords, along with a small bit more of Blakes personality and description. Because when I see Blake all I see is a normal looking guy who might joke around alot or he is kind of greedy, with no interesting physical features that makes him unique.
But in the end the story is still good. Also don't be afraid to make your stories almost two miles long if you have to, since your story isn't completely focused on the main aspect known as vore that some people specifically read stories for, you don't need to make your stories so short. You can have a LONG story with little to no vore in it, and people will still read it.
The reason behind the lack of character development is because I'm doing it in a slow progress. Actual personalities and feelings will be brought in later the first 5 to six chapters involve introducing characters and laying down the setting from which point i will expand on character personalities physical features and so on.
Posted by codyage 15 years ago Report
Once again another entertaining chapter. The punctuation has improved greatly, and also with the detail. What I can suggest though is that you show off some more of the character personalities.
Even though Blake did come around the end his entrance and exit where short. You could have maybe added another paragraph or two telling about the inside of his sword shop where Etrius had gone into, and perhaps the other selection of swords, along with a small bit more of Blakes personality and description. Because when I see Blake all I see is a normal looking guy who might joke around alot or he is kind of greedy, with no interesting physical features that makes him unique.
But in the end the story is still good. Also don't be afraid to make your stories almost two miles long if you have to, since your story isn't completely focused on the main aspect known as vore that some people specifically read stories for, you don't need to make your stories so short. You can have a LONG story with little to no vore in it, and people will still read it.
Posted by etrius 15 years ago Report
The reason behind the lack of character development is because I'm doing it in a slow progress. Actual personalities and feelings will be brought in later the first 5 to six chapters involve introducing characters and laying down the setting from which point i will expand on character personalities physical features and so on.