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Jean and Jessica have a new neighbor. This one is better then the Foxles.... or is she?
(Warning: Scat, digestion, sex, etc etc etc.)
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Posted by dragonfred 14 years ago Report
very nice! X3 and haha! :P can't wait to see more!
Posted by Gelenor 14 years ago Report
A good story. I am a big fan of your work. Though um would you mind if I pointed out an error I saw? It is only so you can correct it, as I am not trying to be a troll.
"Jessica served everyone and sat down at the table with everyone. Jean had a smaller burger then everyone smothered in cheese and Jessica had a bigger burger then normal. Everyone started to eat and Crystal smiled as she ate."
In the first sentence you used the word "Everyone" twice. This is not a bad thing, but it does kind of sound bad. You used the same word again only two sentences after. Repetition is not always a bad thing, just sometimes it is. As a fellow writer I am simply trying to help you improve.
I would be very flattered if you would read my first vore story and give me your opinion.
Posted by Yoshi_Lover 14 years ago Report
hehe thanks for pointing it out. I know i repeat words alot... Usually i do it more often when i am super tired. ^^;
Posted by Gelenor 14 years ago Report
No prob. It is just something I myself have been trying not to do. Oh and if you do read my story please leave a comment. Getting one from someone who's stories I have been reading all this time would mean a lot.
Posted by Indighost 14 years ago Report
Another great story, Yoshi Lover. Your ideas are great as always, and your description of the sex scene was excellent. Thanks for sharing this!
Also in the spirit of gundamfanzero's comment, I'd like to point something out:
"Its jeans recipe. He is a genius."
The word "Its" is possessive. It shows that something belongs to something else. On the other hands, "It's" is an abbreviation of "It is". So in the above example, it should be "It's". An example of the opposite, where Its would be appropriate is, "The conversation has lost its spark". For more information: http://garyes.stormloader.com/its.html' target='_blank'>http://garyes.stormloader.com/its.html
Again I very much enjoyed your story and I hope you continue to write more!
Posted by Yoshi_Lover 14 years ago Report
Thanks Indighost. ^_^