Uploaded: 13 years ago
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Tags: Español faceless monster Non-Vore
Second part of the art trade for eskaria145. I've had several problems with the format so maybe you can't read it properly from here. Downloading the file should solve this problem.
Part I: http://aryion.com/g4/view/209412
Part III: http://aryion.com/g4/view/210780
Faceless: http://aryion.com/g4/view/203409
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Antes que nada pido disculpas a Eskaria por haber vuelto a separar la historia de nuevo cuando le dije que serían dos partes en total. Ahora serán tres ^^u
Y aunque esta parte no tiene vore espero que os guste igualmente.
El desenlace en la tercera parte (Espero ñ_n)
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Posted by eskaria145 13 years ago Report
HAAAA!!!, PUCHA!, me vas a matar de la emocion, hoy me desperto a las 6 am un mosquito que volava cerca mio, y me conecte a internet encontrandome con esta sorpresa XDD
me entretuve mucho, muy bueno, y eso que no hubo vore XD
Posted by Okami 13 years ago Report
¿En serio? Que bien, gracias ;p
Posted by Takado 13 years ago Report
Awesome. I can tell I'm going to feel slightly bad if Alex is eaten, he's so innocent haha. You left it at a good cliffhanger!
My only complaint would be when you repeat yourself with stuff. Let me try to explain that better. When you put that the King and the other guy heard a scream you added the scream afterwords. I think it's okay to keep it in there but it's more uncommon... then again I'm basing this off of English grammar stuff. That also reminds me, it seemed you were writing it as if it was an obra de teatro when you were in the dialogue. Like the part where you put it in quotes that the king directed the guards. It seems out of place when you do it like that, maybe writing it in like "El rey dirijo los guardias 'blah blah.'" That was it flows in better.
I like how you're getting into the character's heads and explaining their point of view. It really builds it up in a good way, I think so.
Good luck on the next chapter!
Posted by Okami 13 years ago Report
As I told you before, thanks for the comment. Critics are always welcome, this way I can improve for future stories. I'll try to be more careful with those things you said =)