Not bad all in all and I wouldn't mind seeing what happens next myself, I think (although I find myself wondering a bit how any predator in this setting could be ignorant of the risk of becoming prey themselves in the first place, seeing how that clearly must've happened before), but the story really needs to make up its mind already whether it wants to happen in the present or in the past. All the back-and-forth tense switches are kind of vertigo-inducing.
Posted by Dracon_Kitsune 12 years ago Report
Mmm, nice. I hope you continue this.
Posted by Mark 12 years ago Report
Not bad all in all and I wouldn't mind seeing what happens next myself, I think (although I find myself wondering a bit how any predator in this setting could be ignorant of the risk of becoming prey themselves in the first place, seeing how that clearly must've happened before), but the story really needs to make up its mind already whether it wants to happen in the present or in the past. All the back-and-forth tense switches are kind of vertigo-inducing.
Posted by JustinTheDigestable 12 years ago Report
Sorry. x.x I will try to do better in my future writings. :)