Uploaded: 9 years ago
Views: 7,333
File size: 19.00 KiB
MIME Type: application/msword
Comments: 6
Favorites: 46
My first story! I decided to kill a few hours by writing something up, to give me a reason to finally stop lurking here on the Portal. I hope you enjoy ^^
Please login to post a comment.
Posted by Makuta 9 years ago Report
Awesome first story and yes POV, full tour and post vore scat nice. ^^
Posted by CasualScum 9 years ago Report
Thanks a bunch! :D I'm probably gonna end up doing mostly POV since I have no characters yet, haha
Posted by Makuta 9 years ago Report
No problem, I like POV vore stories from the view of the prey. ^^
Posted by Speedyblupi 9 years ago Report
There are a couple of places where you switch into past tense inappropriately (e.g. "A massive pile of the pokémon's feces lay by the bush. Feeling that his bladder was full as well" should be "...lie by the bush... ...is full as well"), and also a couple of spelling errors ("drowzy" should be "drowsy").
I didn't notice any other significant problems. The story was mostly very well written, with the right amount of detail, appropriate adjective and adverb use, and variation in sentence structure and length was well used. The concept was simple, but it's more important to communicate the story effectively than to make the storyline complex and unique, especially for a first fic.
Posted by CasualScum 9 years ago Report
Duly noted - thank you very much! :D I'll make sure to fix up the errors in this story right away, and I'll also do my best to look my tenses over more in the future.