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This is an edited rp between myself and Udk, posted with his permission. Its a little obvious that it was an rp, but I did the best I could. Anyhow, Lilith the succubus returns home from college to find her childhood friend trespassing in her pool. The punishment for trespassing on demon property? Getting eaten, obviously. She takes the opportunity to make the most of the occasion. Lots of post-vore fun and some post-digestion belching up of bones, plus weight gain.
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Posted by Hamxxdude 7 years ago Report
Well this was maybe the hottest story I've ever read
Posted by Cerberus0225 7 years ago Report
That's rather high praise, I was worried that it was too obviously an rp and awkward to read. Good news, I'm planning on using Lilith in my next story.
Posted by Hamxxdude 7 years ago Report
No this was fucking amazing. I love vore with bones, especially hard vore.
Posted by Cerberus0225 7 years ago Report
Well, I'm already writing the next story, and there'll be bones. Probably not as big of a focus though, I want more sex and debauchery, but I'll still make time to write out vore and digestion.
Posted by UzumakiPredator 7 years ago Report
This is definitely one of the better stories I've read. The only suggestion I could really add to this would be to elaborate more on the swallowing portion of the vore segment. Lilith is a succubus, so it would not be much of a stretch of the imagination for her to try to squeeze one or two more ejaculations out of her prey while she's still swallowing him before finishing him off.
However, this is just my personal preference, so don't feel pressured to try to write it if it doesn't match up with your preferences. Just try to experiment more with the scenarios you set up in your stories. Succubi are creatures of lust, so it is completely expected that one would try to milk draw as much pleasure out of the situation as possible.
Oh, and my inner Grammar Nazi would like to let you know that the pronouns used should match the perspective conveyed to the audience.
Posted by Cerberus0225 7 years ago Report
This is my first attempt at adapting an rp to a story, and admittedly it didn't go particularly well. I also didn't want to edit or change too much of the original rp, however, both your criticisms are valid and things that I did indeed notice myself. I mainly focused on fixing grammar and making the story flow more smoothly, as well as getting the pronoun usage consistent. It definitely felt like the point of view bounced around too much, but I figured that since this wasn't exactly a story, it would be fine, more or less. I have much better pronoun usage in my actual/original stories, or so I'd like to think at least.