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“We’re all creatures of impulse, are we not? We live for the moment; and our animal characteristics are only amplified by our human desires.”
Thumbnail: https://twitter.com/DePain100/status/1303157443267039233
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I've been idle for 4 months, just because I couldn't get into a proper writing mood. Of course, work is always more important, but I've been out of the crunch zone for a while; my procrastination is to blame.
This aside, this piece was a one day write where I spent almost 5 hours straight, writing and editing, in the moment.
Dialogue really isn't my thing, so hopefully this was readable and sounded like actual conversation.
Any comments are greatly appreciated, alongside any constructive criticism. It helps me grow as a writer, and feedback directly highlights areas of improvement that should be targeted immediately.
Thanks again for reading.
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Posted by lb200m 3 years ago Report
I'm reading using Google's translation feature, but the translation doesn't support this format or it doesn't translate
Posted by Existing 3 years ago Report
This is a PDF file, you'll have to download it to use Google translate.
Hope that helped.
Posted by Mechdragon1k 3 years ago Report
This is a nicely done fic, I like the focus of the prey feelings and digestion,
Posted by Existing 3 years ago Report
IMO, emotions are pretty easy to convey through text, but keeping it organized is pretty difficult. Thanks for the feedback and praise.
Posted by straightup2006 3 years ago Report
Yo this one was excellent
Posted by Existing 3 years ago Report
Thank you. Got heavily inspired after watching some Watame x Mio clips.
Posted by GeneralUrist 3 years ago Report
Damn, this is some really good stuff. Nice to see another holovore writer here.
I quite enjoyed reading the dialogue, and I like how you handle the duality of Mio and Watame's two conflicting relationships: Predator and prey versus mother and 'daughter'.
This is based off of when Watame got her fortune from Mio, right? I like stories that take something that happened on-stream and expand on it.
I'm generally not one to press on biological inaccuracies, but one thing that does feel wrong is how Watame's head enters Mio's stomach only after Mio swallows her feet. I would think it would hit that point a little earlier, since Watame isn't THAT much shorter.
Posted by Existing 3 years ago Report
Hey, thanks for all the detailed feedback!
Surprised to see that you like the dialogue; I am pretty weak at writing conversations and exchanges in general, but great to see you enjoyed it.
I did want to explore their duality and their relationships with each other, and yes, this was inspired heavily by the birthday video and the fortune telling video. I still remember writing down in the notes in the planning phase, "reference birthday vid at start" , "Mio is characterized as mature, make her break that during vore".
Ah, that's something that I missed; my original intention was to make it more coherent and linear, but ofc I forgot basic biology :/. I'll keep that in mind if I write same size again; though my next one is probably going to be contain size difference.
Overall, thanks for the detailed constructive criticism and the compliments! Greatly appreciated.