Uploaded: 3 years ago
Views: 10,234
File size: 20.78 KiB
MIME Type: application/vnd.openxmlformats-officedocument.wordprocessingml.document
Comments: 2
Favorites: 81
Hi everyone, I'm new to making stuff for aryion and thought I would give it a try. I'm not the best writer, but the comments appreciated and would like to hear some positives/negatives. If this gets a 50 favorites, I may get started on another story. Hope everyone had a Great New Years and looking forward to this year.
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Posted by Uchihabiscuit 3 years ago Report
A all-round nice story for your first one here, although I have some stuff I want to say.
I think some of the descriptions are a bit lacking and that you could improve on them, like when you describe the breasts as simple DD, there's so many words that could've described the breasts in a way that is good for visualizing and makes us feel the heaviness and juiciness that comes with being so big.
My second complaint is the fastness, while the setup felt it went along fine, the actual part with the eating went too fast for my taste, this is the part where both prey and pred are sharing a moment where it both feel very different for one another. But instead we just get it done with a couple lines, nothing wrong with that, but I still feel you should've slowed down and given it a chance for us to immerse ourselves better on either the prey or pred's shoes
I will say that I still enjoyed the story, pokemon stuff is always good and pregnant and/or meaty prey is excellent, the reasons of why stuff are happening are solid and it flows nicely for the most part. Don't let my criticisms demoralize you, I'm just pointing things out so you can improve and give us more great stories like this. I'm definitely favoriting it and following you.
Posted by 0nl1ce 3 years ago Report
Oh no, i do see a area that is a little quick. Ill try to work on that. Thank you.