Chapter 17:
The next year and a half were lax. Too lax. david took me to fancy resteraunts,
something he hadn't done when I was a kid, ssi came in and I started saving up, I got a proper phone again, not the rinky dink one
simona had given me. I was spending a lot of time in bed on my phone watching pointless and meaningless shit for about a year.
And I started noticing a trend in the art I was masturbating to. I was like, huh, there are a LOT of young foals on my phone. I wonder if there's a term for that, I found it pretty quickly, I had looked up and known the term lolicon since 2019, but it wasn't until now in 2022 that I knew of it's legal status. In 2019, the video I saw of the guy talking about it in new york wrote it off as "oh you like lolicon huh? oh, you're so hard core" in a sarcastic manner. Figuring out it was illigal in the stateswas a shock to me and resreach into lolicon, foalcon, and eventually, bleeding into research into pedophila took up an awful lot of my time. I started developing and honing my own moral code, which I've broken on more than one occasion recently but I'll get to that. One thing has held true though, children aren't slaves, they're not fuck toys, and they shouldn't be child trafficked. It's not nessicary anymore anyways with all the lolicon out there on the web already. There's more than enought material to create 3d models. masturbate to those, let children go back to ther families, their services aren't required anymore, they never should've BEEN sexually exploited
 in the first place! (that's what animals are for, tee hee praise foalcon).
With that out of the way I'll get off of my Twilight soapbox.
I was seeing my childhood "friends" (not my friends) greg and eric throughout 2021 to late 2022. Then I told greg I like foalcon, and that perfect illusory life I had been living for the last year and a half started to crumble. He said "that doesn't fly".
I started to get scared bthat he'd report me and I'd be arrested for something that shouldn't even be illegal in the first place. I felt that the medication I was on, as little as it was, ... what did I feel? What wasthe transition point? I think it was music. I wasn't getting goosebumps the way I was in newyork when off medication, working at 7 eleven, and listening to music. So I started throwing the pills in the toilet and pretended to my "dad" that I'd taken them. The next events are so recent, within this last year, why are they so blurry? I started getting negative syncronicities again on my phone. it was probably november 2022 by now. I started seeing videos about god. Then videos about the devil started popping up, then more videos about the devil started popping up. Eventually I got scared again, and memories of everything that had happened in Texas and my subsequent return to Columbia rushed back and I was like oh shit! That's what's real!
A little before that we were driving to kansascity, david was going to the bank, I put on pinkfloyd dark side of the moon and I just watched him. He said 3 things through the enire album play, the first two calmly. "Pink Floyd makes everything better" "I'm the lunatic"
then about a few seconds later he came out his tracnce, glanced over at me and said "well played".
We got pizza and I decided to text josef, I hadn't seen him since 2016 and I was reachingout and hoping for a benevolent ally, I shared my favorite song with him, Colgates Quest part 2. But then syncronicity showed me on my phone the song "demon hunter tomorrow never comes" and joe never responded, it was then I knew that joe was anything but benevolent. Not the kid I had grown up with playing besides anymore.
I took a bus, and I was planning to take it to Lamar CO again, that's when, oh right, the first thing that happened is that when david was driving me around resteruants near the end of 2022, he started saying scary shit again, things like "ready for a cold walk to hell? Except hell isn't cold" "ready to go back to prison?" but we were just going back to the house. "destroy the holy ghost, lleave the father and the son alone" I asked him what he knew about satan to his face at this point. He said satan is in control. I said there's more than satan. He had this knowing look on this face when he looked at me that in hindsight I understand now when he said "mmm there's something else".
With all those syncronicites and conversatuions I'd had it and I was getting out of town again, I remembered other than the roaches being happy at Lamar CO, I'd just go there again.