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Accidentally gulped by Goodra



Written by Gassythecat




Espeon was hungry and she sees a Rattata. She walks over to the Rattata and pins it down with her body. "Don't worry, little guy. I'm going to eat you now." She said, however the Rattata escaped her grip and ran away. Espeon yelled "YOU AREN'T GOING TO ESCAPE!" as she ran after her prey.

JackSpades - 1 year ago

I am sure that you can!
Keep trying <3

Gassythecat - 1 year ago

Well, that Espeon might get a Rattata soon.

Gassythecat - 1 year ago

I can improve

doomed - 1 year ago

Well at least they got out

JackSpades - 1 year ago

I don't know if English is your primary language and if not, how proficient you are. So adjust this accordingly^^

You have potential, but you need to improve. Your sentences are short and bland, missing everything but the most basic descriptions. It would really help your story if you gave more detail, so the reader can imagine what is happening more vividly.

There are a few more things, but I think they will improve naturally as you get more experienced.

And please, don't stop writing. This isn't hate, this is honest criticism to help you get better at something you seem to enjoy doing <3

When the Short eats the Tall



Written by Gassythecat




Rita the Mouse was hungry. She had been scouring the house for any food, but she couldn't find anything. As she wandered through the kitchen, she noticed a box on the counter that she hadn't seen before. It was big and heavy, and she couldn't open it. She decided to explore the outsides.

Gassythecat - 1 year ago

Okay! I am quickly going to fix it since I don't want to rewrite a whole story.

doomed - 1 year ago

a quick rewrite of the phrasing should work . try saying "Now, you don't have to worry about being hungry again. i can live in your stomach and you can eat what ever you want!"

Gassythecat - 1 year ago

Thanks but do you think I should fix the error?

doomed - 1 year ago

i think trhere was an error . it says ""Now, you don't have to worry about being hungry again. You can live in my stomach and eat whatever you want!" but rita ate the dragon so shouldnt it say ""Now, you don't have to worry about being hungry again. i can live in your stomach and you can eat what ever you want!"
stil a good story