Posted by skorpio 11 months ago Report

It was fun reading a different take on a good story! I guess this ended up being longer because it has more description in it? I dunno.

Posted by Ender9107 11 months ago Report

I was split on whether or not it would feel cheap to do a sort of repeat like this, so I'm glad it was interesting enough. And for why it was longer, I think I went too deep into the stream of consciousness and made what could've been sentences into paragraphs.

Posted by thirdaltaccount 11 months ago Report

Alright. 10k Words. Quite the story. Thoughts, in order:

Prey perspective! I knew it was going to be written eventually, but it's nice to see. The language here is good thus far - I'm writing this as I'm reading to give more... present opinions, if that makes sense. But nice vocabulary.

You seem to know a decent amount about dentistry and biology in the oral department. Well - more than I do. A sign of good research, I'd say. Competent-sounding.

I also like Arsi's initial thoughts. That blanket of romanticism is being used. The regular bouts of internal monologue help to give decent insight into the motivations of our resident dentist, with (what I'd consider) a good balance of dialogue and monologue for the genre and this particular story. I tend to write much more dialogue, but then again, this is not a novel and the same can't be applied. For this specific type of literature, it's a good blend. I think, at least.

"It's more like cuddling with a lover who is also the bedroom" Is just a great line.

Alright, I was way too enthralled with the last part to actually write anything before the story ended. Good conflict, and very good internal - in more ways than one - dialogue! Full tour that focuses moreso on the implications than the act itself, a good conveyance of the uncertainty and anxiety of it all, and some great characterization. I felt like I was reading a book for a second. Very nice, seriously. Maybe I'm just a sucker for anxious prey coming out just fine. In more ways than one... again. I get you, Arsi. I get you.

Overall?
You've done great, Ender.

Posted by Ender9107 11 months ago Report

Written eventually. Yeah, that about sums it up. I thought this would be a 2-3 week thing but it took nearly 10. Any reasonable writer would have both perspectives written and released at about the same time, but I'm not reasonable.

I suppose did go a little further with the vocabulary in this one, but that's only because I was busting out the dictionary and thesaurus more than ever. I didn't actually know what half the fancy words meant when I started. And for the knowledge on dentistry, all I actually did was refer to different types of teeth by their name. I thought a dentist would properly classify them, even in their internal monolog. It's also because having "teeth" in the story 20 times would've gotten stale.

His initial thoughts. I don't know which exactly you're talking about, but it was fun to figure out. It wasn't conveyed at all that he was willing or that he found it romantic in the other version, but I liked doing it here, and I tried to press that Mina would not have taken him if he didn't consent. For the other initial thoughts, I was split on it for a while, but I decided that denial would be a pretty natural reaction to being swallowed alive. It's not like anyone would ever expect it as a part of life.

The minimal dialogue has an easy explanation: I hate tagging dialogue. I do not like typing "(character name) said" 200 times in a story. Rather, I try to provide context for who is talking, and that can get difficult with lots of dialogue. So yeah, that's why everyone I write talks infrequently and in unnatural paragraphs.

I'm very glad the last parts landed well. Full tour being involved wasn't part of the initial plot, nor was it even my idea to include it. My prior experiences with full tour in RP were meaningless, to say the least. It's usually made into a sentence or two. Of course, I'd never accept a completely pointless scene, and I'm also not into it, so it needed to give it emotional impact to matter. And if that helped it feel like actually respectable writing, that's wonderful. My primary goal was to tell a romantic and interesting story. If people find it sexual, that's all fine and good, but I'm not going to lean into it. Vore being there is sexual enough on its own. Well, I'll probably do cuddling in the future, but that's it.

Anxious prey making it out just fine. Yeah, that's just about the best thing. Comforting preds and comfort itself are brilliant, but they really shine when they're resolving distress. It's the most warm feeling in the world to me.

Overall, I still think I can get better from here. I might've plateaued a bit in terms of straight improvement of skill, but I can still learn and explore. Thanks a lot for the feedback.

Posted by thirdaltaccount 11 months ago Report

It's good, Ender. I look forward to whatever else you decide to write. Improvement will come with time, naturally, but I think the fact you can keep someone engaged in the story more than the vore - which, I guess, is kind of easy when it comes to me (god i love stories and plot) - says a lot.

Posted by Ender9107 11 months ago Report

Again, thank you. I'll strive to uphold and increase quality as I continue writing. Even as I have to sadly branch away from these characters (for the time being) I'll try to keep making stories that are engaging in more ways than one.

Posted by Indighost 11 months ago Report

Decent story. Thoughts:

1. I have not read the previous story, and I was quite confused the whole time as to what exactly the characters are. Is it a micro/macro human? A human and dragon? A tiny mouse and huge cat? I still am not sure, maybe I missed something.

2. The predator's digestive system seemed to be completely empty except for the tea drinking scene. Would be more interesting with some stuff in it.

3. You did a good job of covering all the emotional drama. Nice work

Posted by Ender9107 11 months ago Report

For 1: Well, reading the other story wouldn't help since there's not much more description regarding species there either. And I think it would have been strange to explicitly describe the species of either character from a first person perspective. I could have had descriptions of "smooth human skin" or something like that, but in a setting where being human is the standard and is assumed by everyone, flat out stating that they are human doesn't feel natural. Given, I could have done a better job at explaining it's a human only setting. It is in the tags, but that's no excuse. Do you have any suggestions for how I could more naturally point out what species the characters are?

For 2: In the other story, it was stated that Mina had been starving herself leading up to the events, but I didn't mention it here. Sort of because the stomach being full is a lot more notable than it being empty. The reason for the emptiness is because I haven't done food play before and am not extremely intrigued by it, and also that I think it would have contradicted Mina's intentions of attempting to give a comforting environment. And for later on, dirty full tour simply doesn't line up with my preferences.

Posted by Indighost 11 months ago Report

Humans are the default in most work written by humans, but you can clarify it by using phrases like "the giant woman" or "the 1 inch tall man" and by calling attention to features like a man's beard or a woman's long hair

Posted by Grimorva 11 months ago Report

I finally got around to reading this one! The tone in your writing is very casual, making it interesting to read through. I especially like it when you get descriptive in more intimate moments, even in the teeth cleaning at the beginning!