Uploaded: 6 months ago
Views: 1,473
File size: 383.67 KiB
MIME Type: application/rtf
Comments: 8
Favorites: 7
A circus has a new take on an old performance - and performer.
For those wondering, an Alebrije is a kind of Mexican animal sculpture first invented based on a dream by artist Pedro Linares in 1943. They're a popular design. They don't seem to have a strongly-defined lore, but one played a role in a certain Disney-Pixar film in 2017.
Pathfinder had them statted up as a monster template in 2019, where they are animals granted power from the realm of dreams - often from powerful dreams about them. They can travel to a different plane once a day - which includes all the various afterlives. (Meaning they can play psycopomp if they want.)
No insult is intended to Mexican culture here.
Please login to post a comment.
Posted by IddlerItaler 6 months ago Report
Lol at Leanne being jealous of Pierre. Catfolk gon be silly cats, it seems.
The Alebrije sounds like a chimeric crearure. Those are pretty fun.
On a technical side, maybe there could've been a scene separator after "his grand reintroduction!” to imply some time had passed and they got out of Pierre. Also, I feel like just using Linda's name instead of "the half-snake" and "the thick-tailed lamia" would've been just fine.
Posted by MasterGryph 6 months ago Report
A scene separator wouldn't have worked, because no time had passed. Pierre vanished, and let Leanne fall from where his stomach had been a second ago. He could have taken both or neither of his passengers out of reality with him, but leaving just one person behind sounded more striking during the planning phase.
Posted by IddlerItaler 6 months ago Report
My bad, I just reread that and you're correct.
Posted by MasterGryph 6 months ago Report
No problem. Though I was concerned that I somehow hadn't been clear enough.
Posted by IddlerItaler 6 months ago Report
Sometimes I get a bit confused reading scenes where there's three or more characters involved, as those can morph into a misty cloud of "people do stuff" unless I reread to disentangle just who does what.
Scenes like with the Occult Club are trickier to write than the back and forth between Heather and Ray’eh, but that's something one gradually gets the hang of (both writing and reading-wise). Doesn't help that I was reading on my phone.
I don't really have many recommendations for making them clearer besides making sure the character's name is visible everytime they're speaking.
Posted by MasterGryph 6 months ago Report
Well, I do need to work on giving characters distinct voices. But that was an "action" scene, with just a few lines of conversation mixed in.
Posted by IddlerItaler 6 months ago Report
A bit of a cliched option that some might like would be to have Leanne speak with nyaas and Linda with sssnake ssspeak. That reminds me, Shodi (a lamia OC of Neoneo) does that in her very first appearance but not afterwards, the justification being that she learned the language better and dropped the 'accent' (although the real reason is that we simply forgor).
Posted by MasterGryph 6 months ago Report
A scene separator wouldn't have worked, because no time had passed. Pierre vanished, and let Leanne fall from where his stomach had been a second ago. He could have taken both or neither of his passengers out of reality with him, but leaving just one person behind sounded more striking during the planning phase. Then the ringmaster subtly helped Leanne brush herself off during the closing remarks and the walk back to the bleachers took under a minute. There was no timeskip in there.
The next day's performance will necessarily be different, because Pierre can only Plane-shift once a day. He'll either walk on and offstage less spectacularly, or make his return part of the show, with a stagehand taking sedatives to give him his cue.