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TW: Attempted Date Rape
Magic can be a powerful tool, and one prone to abuses. But sometimes, there's always a bigger spellcaster.
Introducing a somewhat new character with ties to two established ones.
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Posted by IddlerItaler 6 months ago Report
As always, one of the main deterrents from being a dick in fantasy is that you'll never know when you run into a retired lvl 999 shopkeeper or a secret dragon. Also, here comes the meme about people pointing gun at each other in sequence.
Just a nitpick for readability. It might have made more sense to write "a silvery-haired woman stood up" instead of "the" as she hadn't been mentioned yet. Also "Chione assured the other female in the room." could have simply been "Chione assured her." by process of elimination.
Posted by MasterGryph 6 months ago Report
Uh, yeah she had. The descriptions were slightly different, but I made sure both clearly referred to the same person.
I'm keeping the latter as is, as it's thematically relevant that it's an old and young woman talking at that point.
Posted by IddlerItaler 6 months ago Report
Ah, was it the "young lady with conspicuously light blonde hair"? I didn't make the connection. I mostly associate blonde with gold.
Also there's a leftover ” after the word custody.
Posted by MasterGryph 6 months ago Report
I'll see about fixing that later. I do see a few edits I should make regarding backstory references.