Uploaded: 5 months ago
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My first story here, also my first time writing POV
It's not perfect but it was a fine start
Hope yall enjoy and please tell me what you think I could improve on
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Posted by Lysergia 5 months ago Report
Very nice work! Certainly would visit the restaurant to meet Mika, heh ^^
As for critique, I'd say there's a few formatting touches that could be done (some punctuation missing or incorrectly placed; a few misspellings; etc); other than that, I think it's a very good start!
I look forward to seeing more from you in the future!
Posted by VexedMind 5 months ago Report
Thank you so much, I'm trying to fix stuff like that as those are mistakes I've been doing in my writing for years but hopefully as I keep going I can be rid of them.
Posted by Lysergia 5 months ago Report
It does take a lot of practice to get in the habit, and even to be aware the mistakes are happening. I've been writing for a fair while myself, and I still mess things up now and again - My biggest weak spot is I have a tendency to forget verb tenses and have to fix them in my proofread. Or my habit of writing long run-on sentences that really ought to be broken up, heh.
But I'm happy you felt ready to post this - It's a very lovely read! I'm eager to read more from you. ^^
Posted by HunterFélix 5 months ago Report
Very nice. Mika looks cute
Posted by doomed 5 months ago Report
Ooh nicely done. Nicely done indeed .
Although I would’ve liked to see more seduction and build up leading up to the MC being seduced and eaten , as well as mika digesting them felt rather rushed , this is still a good first story .
The whole point of Mika being a dancer is them mesmerizing the MC , but since the story is so short it feels glanced over rather than the biggest points . Especially in this case since you ended the story with the MCs death.