Posted by LordStorm 15 years ago Report

Welp I guess thats the end of her.:) Poor girl but she was quite a yummy site i'm suprised she lasted as long as she did;) Ah well Marissa nice knowing ya maybe we'll see you again in a diffrent continuity:D(though probably not)

Posted by KavenBach 15 years ago Report

"Marissa" is a name that pops up occasionally. ;)

Posted by voremonger 15 years ago Report

Lovely story.

I like both non-consensual as well as consensual stories, but this is almost in a class of its own--some kind of limbo that lies somewhere between the two. It's where her mind keeps telling her not to do it, thus non-consensual, but somehow deep inside she wants to let go and ultimately gives consent. There aren't too many stories that do this, or at least do it well, and you seem to do it best.

I like that the gag was removed, allowing her to willingly, audibly seal her own fate. At first I had thought it would be left to mere nods, but this did add that extra little bit of flavor.

I also like that she ended up giving herself to the sleazeball Carador. I admit that in the beginning I assumed she would be giving herself to Rotus in some kind of a loving sacrifice, but giving herself to someone she didn't like made it sort of a nice little submission/domination thread.

I admit that I was hoping for there to be a little more belly play, that maybe the sadistic side of him would like to let her fears linger, to let her feel the sting of his belly for a while, knowing that she was trapped and fulfilling her role of meat, his meat. Yet it was altogether fitting for him to do what he did. His character was selfish, and as such he cut her off as he wanted, when he wanted. No play, nothing more, just meat.

I thank you very much for taking the time to share this with us, sir. I humbly await your next work.

PS While I did recognize the french root of the word for your race of frogs (grenoil), I hadn't noticed before your subtle difference in nomenclature for the male and female: grenoil and grenoelle. I thought it was sort of clever to use il (he) and elle (she) at the end to differentiate. It was a nice touch.

Posted by KavenBach 15 years ago Report

Thank you very much for the detailed comment and the compliments! Now, here's hoping I don't miss anything...

I, personally, am not keen on willing vore, let alone willing hard vore or cutting/cooking. I can enjoy the prey-gal being willing if she's got a very good reason, though... however Dolcett stuff as a rule, while visually rich, boggles my mind because the women are completely happy to being cooked or carved up alive. I can't wrap my mind around the idea of a woman embracing her final death as gladly as depicted in those things.

Thus, I give reasons for such reactions. The girl will be ressurrected. The girl is drugged by pheromones. Pain is pleasure. Mind control. Whatever makes that willing surrender to death partially believable... while still leaving me a little room to explore how she feels about it.

And apparently, based on your replies, I'm doing something right. :) Thank you.

Yes, removing the gag felt necessary to me. Giving her the power to end the danger to her life, but having her instead use that power to surrender to being food, felt like an appropriate detail based on what Carador wanted to prove.

I further considered having Rotus be the one to swallow her, with HIM being the unwilling member while she was willing and obeying Carador. I also originally intended for there to be more in-stomach detail and more discussion between Carador and his slaver guests. However I was writing this for the local Writer's Group, it was late, and it was getting very long. Based on many suggestions I may re-write the ending entirely, and add far more exploration of her thoughts while she's in the smoker.

And, thank you for noticing/complimenting the Grenoil/grenoelle terminology. Originally I was going with "Garnoil" overall as a variation of "Grenouille," French for "frog;" however when I finally detailed the females a bit more the il-elle detail hit me.

What can I say, my French Canadian roots still show. :)

Thank you again! And rest assured that the diplomatic mission is far from over... >_<.

Posted by Skorge 15 years ago Report

Zoom zoom zoom zoom . to many word neck snaping off to long...... But it tra a nice storie really (creativ)creative) oh well anyway it wass reall kool HMMMMH very Odd 5 comments and yet (267) view's that's the odd thing

every body else Must be lazy. hehhe lolkool storie and good year.

Posted by KavenBach 15 years ago Report

Er... thanks? I KNOW I do tend to make my stories wayyyyy too long... but usually they just "feel" like they need to BE that long.

Thanks for reading the whole thing, and for the effort in commenting. Although 5 comments for 270 views is actually BETTER than usual... XP

Posted by MHM 15 years ago Report

As you already noted on Disturbed Things, the pacing is rushed in places in this installment. I would have liked you to spend more time on how she comes to terms with her 'desires' as she spends time in the smoker.

At the risk of imposing: I believe there is an excellent opportunity for reflection and suspense while she's in there. The longer she stays, the more she comes to terms with her new identity; the more she yearns for it. The more she recognizes her destiny, and how she wrestles and ultimately surrenders herself to the idea.

As an extra treat, why not have her volunteer herself for a second smoking session? Think of it: It would be against the good advice of Rotus, of course... he would explain, "One 'live' smoking session would be mostly harmless of course... the effects on your meat, er, I mean body, will fade within a month or two. The smoke adsorbed by your flesh may cause you slight headaches for the next few days, and within a few weeks your skin will lighten back to it's original shade and hue.

---But TWO?! Please understand Ambassador, that carries much increased risk! There may also be... that is to say, certain...more 'permanent' changes... would occur. Such prolonged contact with the smoke will interfere with your hair regrowth making your present state... permanent... The smoke would penetrate deeply into your meat darkening and reddening your appearance (Red? Orange? Brown Pink?) in a way that would not be... reversible. You would require semi-regular oil treatments (basting?) for your skin once for the rest of days lest it get "leathery." There has never been a second-smoking of a piglet not destined for the table. Your's would be the first!


My apologies, if I've offended you by going too far with my suggestions... I love the story, you've done a wonderful job with it so far, you certainly don't need my help now.

MHM @ DolcettGirls forum.

Posted by KavenBach 15 years ago Report

Hmmm...

Well, without being either offended, or offensive in return, I think I'll pass on the second smoking bit. It doesn't... feel... quite right to me, somehow. It's hard to explain. There's the fact that the Grenoils can heal human conditions --- wounds, burns, even severed limbs --- so the only thing that can be "permanent" is actual fatality.

However, the extended scene inside the smoker WAS supposed to be there; as I mentioned, I was writing this chapter for the Writer's group here at Eka's and it was late and long.

Truth be told, it feels somewhat "incomplete" to me because of the smoker-timelapse. I had also considered having Rotus be the one to eat her, with him being the unwilling pred while Carador gave Marissa orders and she obeyed.

The smoker-extending scene I really should add. Skimming over it was done as a practicality but it feels incomplete as it is. I'll see what I can do, and when.

Thank you for reading, for enjoying, and for commenting!

Posted by BardicLasher 14 years ago Report

Finally finished reading this story... It's not a short one... And I'm a big fan of this series as a whole. I eagerly await more like this. I'm a big fan of your writing.

Posted by KavenBach 14 years ago Report

Ha ha... this chapter is definitely a *LOT* shorter than the last one was! Or the following ones...

The entire series is available in the Cannibal/Dolcett section of DisturbedThings.com. I add to it periodically; my chapers have gotten far too long to post them there one chapter at a time. However Chapter 5 is complete, and I should post it here now. I will soon I think. Be forewarned, however, that it is again a VERY long chapter.

Thanks! Glad you're enjoying it!

Posted by dkitty 14 years ago Report

A great chapter again.

I liked how you reversed who was going to get her at the end. Keep up the great work.