Posted by Imrhys 13 years ago Report

With some fleshing out this could be a wonderful series of stories. I actually want to know the doctor's answer >_>

Of course I'm also a fan of yuri so >_>;;

Posted by printz 13 years ago Report

This was a story I'd almost forgotten about. It was one I wrote for someone who didn't particularly care for it - I did warn her about the subject matter. I think I'll take your advice and re-work it a bit. I was never happy with it. Ironically, I was in that doctors office one morning and the receptioninst for whom I wrote the story got up and locked the door to the office because the bank down the street had been robbed. I told her that she would have kept us all perfectly safe if she could just have swallowed the bank robber. The irony wasn't lost on her.

Posted by Imrhys 13 years ago Report

You did what?! Whew, well... it could have went worse I guess. Well I hope you don't go back and radically alter the characters or plotline. Details could use some work but other then that... neat idea that I hope you keep.

One suggestion, show us her figuring out she could change back at will. Though I'd suggest making it at least at first tied to the "creamer/powder" so it develops over several scenes into a permanent power/ability.

Posted by printz 13 years ago Report

I should have mentioned that the person in question is someone I've known for a while and the story wasn't just out of the blue. She knew I wrote this stuff. Her problem wasn't so much with the subject matter but my treatment of it. It was too silly for her but it made another person quite happy. I use the other person for a lot of what I've written since. She found it a real turn on. I helped her to discover vore! I wouldn't change the original premise. I skipped over a lot of things didn't I? I have to spend time thinking about how she can change her form. I went off in a different direction after that story. I don't know how clear it was but Nicole used it in her coffee without paying enough attention to the doctor. She thought the powder was a spice and she was just trying it out because she liked the smell. She never gave any thought to what was in it or even how old it was. I promise that I'll take a closer look at it and try to make it flow better. I have to add that I really do love your avatar. I like to write stories as best I can but I leave the art for those who have more skill. You'll know that your avatar digested me (only after I begged her) if I don't write something.

Posted by Imrhys 13 years ago Report

Im'Rhys is a good girl, she only eats the writers and artists that make her master unhappy.

As far as how casually she used the powder... All you'd have to do is highlight the fact she has no belief in the supernatural and only thinks her boss is telling her an interesting story to "sell" how special the gift is. But then you'll have to show why/how the powder did what it did with only one spoonful.

I mean her whole personality and demeanor changed and an aura reached out and affected the doctor too, so we need some explanations here. Even if you just used some nice convenient handwavery "she's an ancient god reborn into the modern age and this box was a gift from herself to herself so she'd regain her lost powers". You'd be surprised how quickly you can throw something like that into a story and no one misses a beat reading it. Now for soemthing more serious... you'll have to work on THAT >_>