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Digging through my notes, and I found this scene I cut from a story I'm working on now.
I think it's really good, and it really pained me to cut it (it's a LOT to cut!), but I think the new version is much more efficient and does a better job of moving the story along.
Not to mention Astrid doesn't get quite as whiny, and her physical/emotional state takes a somewhat clearer, more concrete decline.
Enjoy.
Anyway, context: It's REALLY REALLY COLD. Hiccup, Astrid and their dragons have been stranded out in the wilderness by a blizzard. Astrid had gone off to gather firewood, forcing Hiccup to stay behind. While she was gone, Hiccup mysteriously disappeared, and the dragons begin to act oddly.
I think the rest is kind of explained in-story.
No one is eaten in this excerpt- there's just some speculation about it (funnily enough, one of my favorite things in this sort of scenario). This is mostly a chase/struggle sort of scene.
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Posted by Nibor 13 years ago Report
This is really good! now I want to read the story this was deleted from...
Posted by Crownflame 13 years ago Report
Ha! One day...
Posted by Nibor 13 years ago Report
Oh dear, that means you haven't finished it right? Damn......
Posted by malus35 13 years ago Report
^ This.
Posted by Crownflame 13 years ago Report
Hopefully someday. XD
Posted by malus35 13 years ago Report
Now! superfastanswer!
Posted by Negator 13 years ago Report
Don't sell yourself short on your story ability. Your art is great, but from what little I've read from you, including this excerpt, your writing is just as good. Your art and stories just convey a lot of complex emotion, something missing from a lot of stories when it comes to this.
This was a not too subtle way of saying "ZOMG MOAR STORY NAO." :P
Posted by Crownflame 13 years ago Report
Hahaha, thanks so very much! If I ever bag on myself over writing, it's usually because the pace at which I get writing done is really just ridiculously slow. I want to do more! Lately it's been coming a bit better, so we'll see.
No problemo! :)
Posted by prisoner 13 years ago Report
Astrid does get kind of whiny in this. XD
But you frame her desperation very well. I also like all the talk about the manner in which Hiccup may have been torn apart, and how the same could happen to her. It does a lot to justify her actions and entertain me in the process.
Posted by Crownflame 13 years ago Report
Yeah.
And you know, I'm not sure I fixed that much. I have her breaking down a bit (figuratively) in the current story, and I'm thinking about softening that up somewhat, so at least she's pissy rather than all-out weepy. XD Given, she IS justified, no matter how tough of a character she is.
That's a large reason I really like this snippet-- all the bits about her imagining Hiccup soup stewing inside those dragons, and how it could easily happen to her-- I'm not a fan of overt hard vore, but the suggestion of it like that really tickles me, in a way. It's exciting. <3