This story series is alright but i have a few problems with it. If i may, i think you need to give brenda a better reason for eating him. Her personality is all over the board. Shes nice then mean then nice again. Even if she ate him out of a "bet" it wasn't very convncing.
Perhaps it would a good idea for her to tell him a "real" reason why she did it in the next chapter. a more convincing idea like she did it to proctect him from her parents or there was some threat to her or him or something.
Agreed, I am thinking of something to further that point. I generalized her because I wanted to continue writing but was caught up on that part. So the confusing aura around her and that activity is actually what I wanted, not initially but as far as a "secret yet to be revealed" kind of thing.
Thanks for the idea, I'll think on it for the next chapter.
I wouldn't mind ideas. However I still want to preserve the social idea of what she thinks. The fact that she was raised to think it was ok and now... anyway I'm still thinking about it while writing for other sites and stuff but can always use the extra imagination boost.
yeah, thought about something like that myself. I thought that her sister would be worried he was changing her to much and gave her a predator pill to stimulate predator behavoir which would be why her instinct ruled over her new feelings. But I can't figure out how to incorprate that she still wanted to do it and at least a little and it was, in the end, her choice. Even if someone gave her a little push...
True, I mean her sister is easier to write for because she still thinks humans as food. But Brenda's emotions and reactions are harder. I mean is a simple predator pill enough to make her eate her new best friend? Or was it unnecessary and she did so for the pack's and her reputation as part of the pack. A right of passage if you will? Or can it be something to do with the full moon, since it doesn't really change them like traditional werewolves maybe it has other effects on them like make them more feral but still mindfull to establish a cunning way to get their prey. Or was she in the panicking because of her new feelings for someone everyone else thought of as food. So many choices to pick from...
Posted by Generationslayer 13 years ago Report
This story series is alright but i have a few problems with it. If i may, i think you need to give brenda a better reason for eating him. Her personality is all over the board. Shes nice then mean then nice again. Even if she ate him out of a "bet" it wasn't very convncing.
Perhaps it would a good idea for her to tell him a "real" reason why she did it in the next chapter. a more convincing idea like she did it to proctect him from her parents or there was some threat to her or him or something.
just an idea
Posted by kamperkonkel 13 years ago Report
Agreed, I am thinking of something to further that point. I generalized her because I wanted to continue writing but was caught up on that part. So the confusing aura around her and that activity is actually what I wanted, not initially but as far as a "secret yet to be revealed" kind of thing.
Thanks for the idea, I'll think on it for the next chapter.
Posted by Generationslayer 13 years ago Report
i have been thinking on reason perhaps if you haven't thought one up yet
Posted by kamperkonkel 13 years ago Report
I wouldn't mind ideas. However I still want to preserve the social idea of what she thinks. The fact that she was raised to think it was ok and now... anyway I'm still thinking about it while writing for other sites and stuff but can always use the extra imagination boost.
Posted by Generationslayer 13 years ago Report
yesh i forgot the idea...i think it was something about her sister coming and worried that he would hurt her sister
Posted by kamperkonkel 13 years ago Report
yeah, thought about something like that myself. I thought that her sister would be worried he was changing her to much and gave her a predator pill to stimulate predator behavoir which would be why her instinct ruled over her new feelings. But I can't figure out how to incorprate that she still wanted to do it and at least a little and it was, in the end, her choice. Even if someone gave her a little push...
Posted by Generationslayer 13 years ago Report
mmmmm, that seems a bit less emotional
Posted by kamperkonkel 13 years ago Report
Agreed, which is one of the reasons why I'm not completely sold on the idea. It just seams to much of a cop out to me, but a valid idea to draw from.
Posted by Generationslayer 13 years ago Report
Well they think of pack mentality right? Blood before water, she might have done it soley to protect her sister.
Posted by kamperkonkel 13 years ago Report
True, I mean her sister is easier to write for because she still thinks humans as food. But Brenda's emotions and reactions are harder. I mean is a simple predator pill enough to make her eate her new best friend? Or was it unnecessary and she did so for the pack's and her reputation as part of the pack. A right of passage if you will? Or can it be something to do with the full moon, since it doesn't really change them like traditional werewolves maybe it has other effects on them like make them more feral but still mindfull to establish a cunning way to get their prey. Or was she in the panicking because of her new feelings for someone everyone else thought of as food. So many choices to pick from...
Posted by starvires 13 years ago Report
good job
Posted by GUEST19216 12 years ago Report
i like it when he kicks the giants ass