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A Sub's Fate, Pt. 2 By Shrapnel333 -- Report

Uploaded: 9 years ago

Views: 3,373

File size: 55.50 KiB

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Comments: 2

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The return of poor Mike and the girls. Hopefully this lives up to your expectations. Mike and Alexa continue their adventures in Dominique's booty, while she and Kierra head home. Trust me, it's more exciting than it sounds! Also, this whole chapter in Mike's story was supposed to be just one part, but then it grew outta control. And now it's grown again, so before we even end his first adventure, we'll need another part. Sorry 'bout the cliff-hanger ending, but I try to end before it gets too long (not that these aren't all monsters anyways). Anyways, I'll get back to this bunch as soon as I can, and give Mike the fate he deserves. Enjoy! And again, feedback is appreciated.

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YourBestFriend

Posted by YourBestFriend 9 years ago Report

Hm, got a bit of a mixed feeling with this one. The anal anus sex was fun, and I feel like you had an easy time describing her poop chute well. The ending was where my doubt lies, though, as you said, it felt rushed. The idea of her coming out fine, him still shrunk leaves hope for great future installments, but that last sentence crammed in about her mother just kinda spoiled it. We have no idea what she looks like, aside from the fact she supposedly has an ass resembling her daughter, but nothing else. It would be nice to assume that she's a sexy Latino milf, and not the stereotypical, all-too-common 200 pound, 80 year old waddling sack of weird I see wandering around. Anyway, promising story, but I feel as if it's almost too much, I mean, 4 women? Might as well make it a lesbian orgy, and leave the little man out. I'll shut up now, but not before I say I really like this so far, and to remember, you'll make more friends with quality, not quantity.

Shrapnel333

Posted by Shrapnel333 9 years ago Report

Thanks for the feedback. I understand the concerns. I tend to get wordy, and new ideas tend to pop into my head as I write, so this thing kept getting longer, and I cut the original ending. I added the mom to create tension and to introduce a character I plan on using further down the line. I'm working on the next part now, and hopefully that will clear up a few things, plus it will have a better conclusion (and no waddling weirdness). Thanks again, and I'm glad you enjoyed.