The Monster (New Catch)
By JacktheRabbit -- Report
Lichthia returns to Jaabir's nest to find the serpent laid out with a bulge. Yet, he seems upset, head turned away from the mouse at her approach.
"When she spoke, her voice was soft and gentle, yet no less commanding. 'Turn around, m’love,' she said, '. . . look at me.'"
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RP by myself and Tabatha_Cat
The Monster, takes place after The Deer.
You can view the full RP list and timeline at: http://aryion.com/g4/view/218635
Posted by nyanyan 14 years ago Report
as always, I enjoyed the story.
small revision(if you feel it's a big deal): (could put this just after “not to anyone’, and before what comes after) and (Might move that description earlier) <-- doubt those're supposed to be in there still.
and aside from grammatical errors that pretty much EVERYONE makes, that's all I saw.
and to re-iterate, I love these Jaabir/Lichthia stories ^.^
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Posted by JacktheRabbit 14 years ago Report
Thanks ^^ removed those. I appreciate the catches.
I had an idea recently if you'd like to take part in it. https://docs.google.com/open?id=0B-lxmSAo6F4nT0JMZjlBcE9YNjA Following that link, I've added some seperate docs of recent stories that can be edited by any viewer (things can be revived easily if something is deleted, etc. and it shows the full list of revisions).
I'll start posting things there first before moving over. There's a lot more un-posted stories that aren't in that folder, but didn't want to get too ahead of the current timeline. The Albino, Sin, and The Vixen, are new ones in there. A few stories might come before and between them (one for sure will follow this one here, that we are working on now), but they won't alter things.
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Posted by nyanyan 14 years ago Report
I see, so something along the lines of proof-reading? I'll think about it.
and you're welcome, I like to help people when I can, and improving(well, fixing, same difference really xP) stories for others helps more than just 1 or 2 people xD
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Posted by nyanyan 14 years ago Report
as of now, I probably won't (want to avoid spoilers) but I'll keep it in mind.
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Posted by theomeier 8 years ago Report
oh no the bird wasn't Jack was it, would be sad if it was.
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