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Housekeeping (story) By Jahan -- Report

Uploaded: 10 years ago

Views: 2,568

File size: 45.84 KiB

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In which a member of hotel staff (Sabrina the snake) must clean up after the mess left by two guests.

And 'clean up' said guests-but perhaps that's a given.

Contains oral vore and digestion (as seen from the outside)

Commissioned by Fae Stranger ( http://aryion.com/g4/user/Fae%20Stranger )
Thumbnail Artwork by Lumesa at http://aryion.com/g4/user/Lumesa (Provided by Fae Stranger)
Sabrina belongs to Fae Stranger, and is the serpent-lass in the story icon.
My very first story commission!

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Comments
Lucky

Posted by Lucky 10 years ago Report

A good short story! I enjoyed the read.

The spacing of the text was kinda nice, made it very easy to scan and separated the ideas appropriately. One complaint, "the otter's progress" should actually be "the otters' progress" as the subject is plural. One suggestion: please separate the title of the story onto it's own line, I think it deserves that much attention.

I really liked it! I'll be interested to see what else you write.

Jahan

Posted by Jahan 10 years ago Report

Thanks! The spacing was intentional-I know I have trouble reading when everything's smushed up.

I wasn't thinking about the title line, but I will likely change that to give it its own line.

I appreciate the compliments and the critique (it's really helpful!) I too look forward to seeing what I write. =)