Archive > Lenumanuma > Commissions! > Little Draggy
Expand
Add to favorites | Full Size | Download
Little Draggy By Lenumanuma

Uploaded: 2 years ago

Views: 2,649

File size: 30.84 KiB

MIME Type: application/vnd.openxmlformats-officedocument.wordprocessingml.document

Comments: 2

Favorites: 10

Tags: Anal Vore Bunny Cum Dragon Fox M/M Macro Macro/Micro masturbation Micro Oral Oral Vore Rabbit Same Size Edit

One Tag Per Line!

My first commission, woot! This story is for the wonderful LeviathanDragonFlyer on Furaffinity, so go check him out. this is the longest story I have written so far, and I believe it came out pretty well.

Terry belongs to me.

Leviathan Belongs to LeviathanDragonflyer.

Jack Belongs to Rohunt on Furaffinity.

As usual, Any criticism is appreciated.

Comment on Little Draggy

Please login to post a comment.

Comments
Speedyblupi

Posted by Speedyblupi 2 years ago

You need criticism? Ok, criticism is my speciality :)

Grammatical accuracy:

You have a few homophone errors, like "it’s sheathe", which should be "its sheath" and "sac" which should be "sack" (if it's referring to a ballsack).

There are some misplaced capitalisations, like "Terry Moaned almost too loud; He...".

Tenses are mostly good, but again, there are a few small errors, like "He then lied down" and "Terry groaned a bit, knowing that this will take a while to explain."

The sentence "However, the dragon’s skirt and panties started to slide off" starts with a conjunction. This doesn't always make a sentence grammatically incorrect, but in this case it does because there's no specific thing that the clothes sliding off is opposed to.

Writing quality:

There are a few cliched metaphors which annoy me, like "blew his load" and "rock hard", but these are mostly issues of preference - I don't actually know what most other people think of them, so maybe ask other people, or just keep 'em in if you particularly like them.

Some of the phrasing is a bit awkward, like "He had accidentally swallowed most of the cum that was in his mouth plus a bit more", but I didn't notice any other significant mistakes.

Story quality:

Leviathan's instant transition from the state of "you killed my friends" to "I have to please mommy" is pretty jarring and doesn't seem to make much sense, but aside from that it's a great story. It's fairly unique and interesting, and has the right amount of filler to engage, but not to bore the reader.

---

Basically, there are a few minor errors, but overall you did a very good job.

Lenumanuma

Posted by Lenumanuma 2 years ago

haha, thanks! you were the first person to actually critique it. I try to stay away from cliches as much as possible, but this was a commission, so I had to add a few things. Tense wise, I had no idea I made those errors! thanks a lot, man.