Uploaded: 9 years ago
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Tags: F/M Human Same Size Soft Vore Swallowing
Rob's sister Elaine is said to be able to seduce any man into her stomach. And now she sets plans in motion to do exactly that to him. He fears her, and does everything in his power to avoid her. But he is also aroused by the thought of his body sealed inside hers. All Elaine needs to get things started is one little video.
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Posted by vortexx 9 years ago Report
innertrack,your stories are always well!
Posted by innertrack 9 years ago Report
Thanks!
Posted by Jamie263 9 years ago Report
Very hot. I can't wait to read the rest of it.
Posted by innertrack 9 years ago Report
Glad you like it. Hopefully part 2 won't disappoint.
Posted by Jamie263 9 years ago Report
None of your stories have disappointed me. You're a brilliant writer.
Posted by ryanshowseason3 9 years ago Report
Solid concept, felt a bit rushed though. Is that just the nature of the teaser though?
Posted by innertrack 9 years ago Report
It's not rushed in the least. Yes, it is a teaser - a setup - and such things should never be needlessly prolonged. The idea is straightforward - you get to the point with the least possible embellishment.
Part 2 - Reenactment - is running longer ... taking on a life of its own. It'll probably run longer than I like. My favorite stories are cut-to-the-chase, 3-4 pages max. As I'm writing part 2, the story is already 5 pages and counting, which is slightly annoying to me. But I'm going to stick to the idea and let it play out in full.
Posted by ryanshowseason3 9 years ago Report
Straightforward and embellishments aside though the dialog felt a bit stilted, didn't flow like a conversation more like an exposition dump. I suppose for a teaser it's a trade off but not one I'd make. Dialog is one of my sacred cows. I guess if describing action is your thing then dialog is simply in the way.
One paragraph switched from 3rd person to 1st person as well.
I feel like a jerk when I criticize, but I'm of the opinion that you've got talent. So please know I mean no offense.
Posted by innertrack 9 years ago Report
Dialog is my normal style, but it's not the only good one. Exposition can be effective if you keep it short. Long expository passages can be boring. The trick is to keep them short, as I did. And your preference for dialog shouldn't be a sacred cow. Conformance to that style is not a valid standard of judgment. You're free to choose your own style, but don't presume to pigeonhole mine.
I've posted part 2. I don't even know what to call the style, but it works for me.
Posted by ryanshowseason3 9 years ago Report
Not trying to pigeonhole you, that's the entire reason why I said it's my own sacred cow. I was indicating it's not everyone's standard. I thought that was obvious, hopefully it's in plain sight now.
I disagree that shoving exposition into dialog is a good style though. It makes dialog seem unnatural. People don't have conversations in the form of exposition. It's the kind of thing a James Bond villain does as a trope in satire of itself and other cheesy/bad spy movies.
But I can see you're veiling hostility when faced with criticism. I'll just refrain from trying to help.
Good luck.