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The second part of a Dark Souls series I'm attempting to write. This one involves Cassius of Oolacile as the role of the Chosen Undead in the main game, taking place an unmentioned amount of time after the first short story.
I gave brief descriptions of the events that lead to the main focus of this story, where Cassius encounters the Chaos Witch Quelaag.
There's a bit more story and drama in this one than intended, but the vore is still there, so I hope it is to the reader's liking. I was planning on a third story after the events of this one, but I am unsure of what I want to do just yet, or rather, how to go about it.
I will say though, playing through Dark Souls while I write this as the character in the game is quite fun, helped me write out things too. I just got to finish this supposed trilogy in my head still. Unfortunately, if I ever wanted to do one for Dark Souls II, I have no clue of who I'd write about. But that's something to worry about a different time.
Cover is not mine, just a screenshot of Quelaag in-game.
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Posted by MrQuarantine 8 years ago Report
Okay so first off I don't play the Dark Souls series, I do feel however I have enough exposure to it to give my opinion on a story based off of it as I am well aware through the internet about the setting, tone, and style that it is done in. With all that being said... WHY YOU GIVE ME THE FEELS AGAIN!?
I went into this thinking that it would simply be a great dark story to read. As I continued on I was surprised however at the raw emotion you embed into story. I found myself thinking I shouldn't feel nor care for a vile spider/demon/woman....But you made me care, then hit me a harsh ending >_< you better take responsibility!
On a rather serious note, my only critique for the story would be while the story is indeed good, tonally I think the feelings you tried to evoke from the reader during the resolution didn't really match up with what the series is known for, which can lead to a disconnect (A harsh drawback for using an existing IP unfortunately).
I just say this because in a series based around death and destruction that you yourself further established with the previous chapter and most of this one, it just seems slightly off is all. While your writing skills are as sharp as ever, I just think there are certain settings in which "the feels" just don't mesh as well.
You have clearly demonstrated you have the skill to draw out empathy and warmth to get the reader to care about a character, that much was apparent with this and your masterful Lamia's tail. Now I would like to see you challenge yourself however and make a character that is truly ruthless, evil, mean, or even taunting. Just because the reader doesn't "feel" for the antagonist at end of the story doesn't mean the reader won't care about them. As long as they are complex and are interesting is all that is needed in my opinion.
Dark souls is a gritty series so if there was ever a time to try a truly evil type character out, now would be the time.I say all of this in a respectful manner and hopefully you understand the critiques I write are done to simply help you improve. I eagerly await your next work.
Posted by TystKrigare 8 years ago Report
"Why must you make me feel?" *rubs hands together with an evil grin* Oh, no reason...
But anyways thank you for the comment and constructive criticism. I can understand where you're coming from. The reason I wrote it the way I did was because I basically wrote how I felt when the revelation hit me. Quelaag was corrupted by Chaos, yes, but she was protecting her sister, who was sick and needed Humanity. The whole Chaos Covenent in-game is devoted to giving her Humanity to make her healthier (and to unlock a shortcut but nevermind that). While Dark Souls is a dark and twisted universe, this is not the only case of "feels" the series gives the player. While it's not often, it does happen. This is one of those rare instances where you find out something, and you just mutter to yourself: "shit..." Because how would you feel if you found out you killed a blind, sickly woman's only sister who wishes to see her again but can't? Quelaag wasn't exactly evil, twisted yes, but not downright evil, and I attempted to write her as such.
As for ruthless, I can do ruthless. I have barely begun work on the third and possibly final part of the series due to my internet being out save for my phone (thank you unlimited data) and just being unsure of what to do next, not to mention other projects. I write (existing) characters how I see them, and the final character I planned on writing about I'm still debating on personality-wise.
But again, thank you ao much for the comment and input!
(Author is not responsible for Feels or any emotional attachment. Vore may vary)
Posted by joeburp22181 8 years ago Report
Nice story as usual Tyst, was a pleasure to read. Perfectly painted pictures portrayed the essence of the story, leaving no doubt I often felt like I was the character going through each event taking place. I hope Quelaag's sister somehow finds a way to be healed, but somehow, I don't see that being in the cards, as Cassius is likely about to leave 'hell' for the last time to continue his quest. Will be interesting to find out what the ringing of the bells had actually being, being as we found out earlier on just after defeating the dark sister's guardian, absolutely nothing happened within the blighted realm. As always, I look forward to your next installment, be it just another part in your vast saga, or your final chapter in an epic tale. Thanks for putting forth effort in the creation of this vivid trilogy, and may your talented fingers continue to spawn new webs of intrigue and mystery.
Posted by TystKrigare 8 years ago Report
Your comments always leave me with so little to say outside of thousands of thank you's Joe XD I'm just recounting events in the game Dark Souls and writing how I basically reacted, or would react, in the Chosen Undead's place. As I said above I'm wondering what I'm gonna do for the next part, but the next part will come eventually. Again, thank you for your supportive comments on almost everything! I can't explain the joy of seeing such nice comments on my writings, from you and others.
Posted by joeburp22181 8 years ago Report
My pleasure, keep up the good writing.
Posted by Miridium 8 years ago Report
Finally got around to reading!
Wonderful job! I love how you were able to recreate the Dark Souls experience especially the emotional bits. Great vore too! Exactly how I would envision being eaten by Quelaag would be like! Although for some twisted reason I can't help but what being eaten by her sister would be like. I'd imagine I'd be doing a service if I fed myself to her!
At any rate if you do ever continue this with a third installment I know that it'll be amazing too! Keep it up!
Posted by TystKrigare 8 years ago Report
Aww wow thank you so much ^^ I almost went there too, having Cassius offer himself, but I felt it was a bit forced in the context of the story so I decided against it. I'd imagine she'd be the polar opposite of Quelaag, and actually be gentle and affectionate with her prey.
But again, thank you for the comment. I will be returning to this series at some point. October has been an off-month for me in terms of writing. But I can guarantee at least one more part will be made.