Posted by DrakeZephyr 7 years ago Report

I'm unsure if it's intentional, or some effect of transfer, but I notice that most dialogue follows directly after... generally I'd think it's clearer to a reader if each person speaking gets a new line. Also, if you don't mind my saying, I think you could do with less description on the little details, like precise shape and size. It's always the writer's call, but I've never felt that adding such precise measurements added to the reader's immersion. I also felt the dialogue was more serving as a source of information than as a conversation, although speech I'd imagine is especially tricky if it's not your first language, that's normally where language barriers are the most noticeable I'd say. I might also suggest, maybe as a general style note, trying to resist the temptation to tell the reader too much, I'm a supporter of the saying that it's better to show than to tell. Perhaps for the historic information perhaps, rather than have a lecture, maybe follow the sacrifice for a brief time as she's led from the village, if she's scared, maybe she demands to know. It's a skill to figure out just how little you can tell the reader nd yet have them figure it out. It's a good skill if you can get it though. For the record, I've not perfected it yet either, and I know very well the yearning to put all the details and world you've thought of down onto paper.
Apologies this is long, and I hope I don't offend. I wouldn't say all this, but... you did ask. I remember my first story on this site, so I hope my feedback is helpful. Use what's helpful and ignore what isn't. Your writing is your own, after all. Keep on writing.

Posted by RoaringRaptor 7 years ago Report

First of all you don't need to apology for something I asked. I am more then happy to get feedback. About the editing and giving each person a new line. I think this is a really good Idea and I think that I screwed over there a little bit. I will try to do it better the next time! And yes, I did alot of exposition and I thought it was necessary because it is the first time you saw Arkady and Talburgen. I would like to write more about him and the villagers. But I will look out for the next time that the dialogs are more natural and not staged ^^'. Again thank you very much for your feedback and have a good one. I will try to implement the things you said in a next story!

Posted by MicroNekoGirlPur 7 years ago Report

i much prefer cock vore to be non fatal, and seeing as how I love dragon sacrifices so much, this story was perfect! keep up the good work!

Posted by RoaringRaptor 7 years ago Report

Thank you a lot. I am happy to hear that my second vore story is getting so much attention :) I also felt quite sad that there is not much dragon cock vore around which isn't hyper. And then the sacrifice setting was just perfect I thought. I will definitely write more about Arkady and the village under his reign but first I have to do one more week of university. Also thank you alot for the Favorite :)

Posted by MicroNekoGirlPur 7 years ago Report

there's at least some cock vore without it being hyper, luckily due to the fact dragons are usually just that huge.

I... may have a suggestion. maybe a sacrifice setting, but he keeps her? and maybe could involve more vore. meaning just keeps one around he rather enjoys having and uses her more than once. sorry, i'm a sucker for sacrifice settings with dragons and maidens, I've done a ton of them in roleplays and they still remain my favorite. there's just something about dragons and maidens and the possibilities that draw me in. plus the whole Master/Slave setting.

Posted by RoaringRaptor 7 years ago Report

Yeah only some but not enough in my opinion X) I already have an idea on maybe keep Rosaline in the story line. I might be able to write the beginning down in one or two weeks ( have one more week of university which has priority -.-) About the RP I guess Arkady is open for it but he is not that experienced in it >.<

Posted by MicroNekoGirlPur 7 years ago Report

yeah, needs to be more. I'd keep her, no sense killing off charas like in game of thrones! oh, I didn't mean doing one, I just meant I've done that kind of setting in them a lot. usually, rp is pretty much the only way I can create certain stories because I can never find similar ones. though I bet Arkady would be fine to try~

Posted by RoaringRaptor 7 years ago Report

Yeah having a small scenario Arkady lives in makes it alot easier to think of different voreish things he could do :P Also RPing gives sometimes good ideas ^^' Right now I am working on another story about Arkady but I only write sometimes so it might take a while till it is finished <.<

Posted by MicroNekoGirlPur 7 years ago Report

yeah, roleplay is always a good way to work out ideas you have and see where they take you. I've done that hundreds of times...

Posted by RoaringRaptor 7 years ago Report

Hehe like if you want to then you could send me a PM ^^' I guess we could work out something :3

Posted by MicroNekoGirlPur 7 years ago Report

do you use da by any chance?

Posted by RoaringRaptor 7 years ago Report

Apparently I do but I rarely use it though >.<

Posted by MicroNekoGirlPur 7 years ago Report

lol i'm on there with the same screen name and do most of my roleplay on there.

Posted by RoaringRaptor 7 years ago Report

Well I have send you a note there^^'

Posted by MicroNekoGirlPur 7 years ago Report

yeah, it's easier on there for me, since i'm like always on there when i'm online anyway. I'll keep an eye out for your note~