As Coach Maxwell cleaned out his office, he reflected on what he thought had been a job well done. Across his three-decade high school sports coaching career, he'd seen his fair share of students go on to play for major college teams across the country, an achievement he was darn proud of, if you'd pardon his language. During his tenure here at Wilmington, he'd taught varsity softball, basketball, and more. Where his coaching skills always shone the most, however, was in girl's soccer. There was something about it, something that even he couldn't quite put a finger on. He couldn't honestly claim that his girls made it to state every year, but htey always got close enough to be proud. Just this last season, his girls had pulled out a crushing victory at state, and already he'd heard that the majority of them had been granted scholarships, even full rides for their prowess on the field.
That was what made him know that the time was right to retire. At first, everyone had questioned his decision. Though he was pushing 60, most wouldn't have put him a day above 40 physically, and he'd kept in great shape through his line of work. Though he came up with a host of excuses, the somewhat embarrassing matter was that his dad's arthritis had finally kicked in over the past year or two. Maxwell had told himself that he could make a few more seasons, but when his girls took home the gold this year, he realized that he'd much rather go out on a high note that let everyone watch him become barely able to walk. The occasion was sad, he couldn't deny, but congratulatory calls from students, parents, and alumni alike had lifted his spirits. All in all, he had no regrets.
Well... maybe one. It was somewhat surprising for his age, but Coach Maxwell had never eaten anyone. especially not a student. When he was a young sports star himself in high school and college, it was increasingly unfashionable for players to run around, swallowing folks up like there's no tomorrow. It was seen as unsportsmanlike, and Maxwell had been straight-edge: no smokes, no drugs, no booze, no swallowing. While it had worked out well at the time, he couldn't help but feel his fair share of regret at not having had a bit more fun in his youth. Here he was: unmarried, no kids, thinking about the high school sweethearts who had ended up down some other guy or gal's gullet. He tried to tell himself it wasn't too late, but who would he eat outside of the school? Where would he even BE outside of the school? Some retiree community or country club, with other old folks like him, who had actually seen the bad side of aging? Didn't exactly sound like prime rib to him, if you catch his meaning.
"Nothing to be done for it now." he supposed, and finished packing up his last few trophies into a couple cardboard boxes, bound for home. It was nearing twilight in the gymnasium, and he knew someone would be by at some point in the next few days to get all this moved properly in preparation for his replacement, so he locked up his old office for the last time, and headed out. However, when he rounded the corner near the girl's locker room, he found his path blocked by a two rows of people, who he quickly recognized as all his girls, his winning team this season. Since the season was over, he got about halfway through asking himself "What are they doing here?" before his mind froze in shock, noticing that these girls were not in their soccer uniforms. As a matter of fact, they weren't in anything at all; all 14 girls on the 2017 Wilmington Varsity Soccer Team were completely nude. As his synapses fired at breakneck speed, he started manicly stammering something, anything to help elucidate him, when his star striker and team captain Stephanie stepped slowly toward him, stripped bare with the rest of her team, slyly raising a finger to her smiling lips and releasing a continuing "Shh..." as her free finger made its way to his own babbling mouth.
He stopped stammering, trying to resist looking anywhere but her eyes as his mind caught up to his mouth and began firing rapid, nervous questions. "What are you girls doing here?! Where are your clothes?! Why are you here so late?! Wh-"
"Shh..." from Stephanie cut him off again. "It's alright Coach, you don't need to put up the facade anymore."
The girls had placed too much confidence in his acting abilities; he was genuinely terrified. "What's going on?"
"Do you remember when you had the first new regulation ball in your office and sent Hannah to go grab it from your office?"
"...Yes?" The memory was there, but vague. It was over a month ago.
"Well..." She wiggled her hips slightly, though his nervous eye contact was unfaltering, "you left your journal open on the desk." She smirked.
The Coach was mortified. That journal stayed at home nearly every day, but he'd slip it into his bag on accident occasionally. To think, the one day he accidentally brings it, and leaves it open on his desk, happens to be the same day he sends a student into the office alone?
Before he could respond, she continued. "She took pics of a few select pages, and showed them to us in the locker room after practice a few days later."
April, a midfielder, chimed in from the back. "How could you have never eaten anyone, Coach?! We couldn't believe it! Everybody's eaten somebody!" His face somehow got even redder than it had been, feeling more than a little emasculated.
"So," Stephanie resumed, walking her fingers down from his lips as she spoke, "we did some discussing when you announced your retirement," her fingers running down his chest, "and we agreed that we should be your farewell banquet, to help you make up for lost time." Her hand finally landed teasingly on his dick, now fully erect underneath his denim.
He snapped out of his trance. "Are you girls crazy? You've got scholarships, futures! Are you just throwing all that away?"
Katie, a fullback, chimed "We wouldn't even have those scholarships without you, Coach Maxwell! We owe you those futures, literally!" A dozen other girls responded in agreement. "Yeah! This is the least we can do!" "Please eat us, Coach!" "Let us dissolve away inside you, all together!" "We really want to!"
He was at a total loss for words. Here were fourteen of the fittest young women in the state, with proud adventurous lives ahead of them, willingly stripped bare for him, begging to indulge his fantasy beyond his wildest dreams, for nothing in exchange. And here he was, trying to figure out a way to say no, to stop them from sacrificing their lives for his pleasure.
It was right then, that his thoughts were cut off as Stephanie leaned in and kissed him deeply, her tongue coaxing his out of its hiding spot into a long, passionate exchange, as she ground her bare teenage tits against his broad chest, squeezing his hard cock through his pants.
She broke away, whispering "We don't want anything except this. I could live a full life, rich with joy and fulfillment, and still regret every day not becoming your succulent little treat tonight. You could offer me anything in the world, and I'd still want you to grind these pretty titties into nothing, just to satisfy you." She leaned in close, uttering elegantly into his left ear, a single, earnest, "Please."
Whatever resolve was left in his head broke, and his eyes finally lowered down to her tight, trained tummy, her toned bubble butt, and her athlete's b-cups, all enclosed through her soft, silky, feminine skin. He leaned forward, into the side of her supple throat, and licked her tender neck flesh as far as he could in a single stroke of his tongue. The taste was, without a doubt, the greatest sensation he'd ever experienced.
Stephanie moaned, knowing she'd won her prize, but gently pushed him off before he could become too ravenous. "Not so fast, Coach." she said. "We decided beforehand that, as team captain, I'd be the last to go, so I could make sure every other girl got in nice and cozy. I'm sorry, but you'll have to taste these fine thirteen young ladies before you can have your dessert." She ended with a wink.
He was satisfied, and looked out at his prize-winning dinner, growling out "Well then, who'd like to go first?" in a low, seductively predatory growl.
Nearly every hand shot up, so it was quickly decided that straws would be drawn to determine who'd get to enter their final resting place first. The short straw was drawn, coincidentally by one of the shortest girls on the team, Ally, who squealed in delight as she lifted her prized straw in triumph. She approached as Stephanie stood back, presenting her lithe teenage flesh with an adorable, heartwarming smile. Though the cute little blonde was nearly a head shorter than the other girls, she made up for it lower down, with an impressive rack for a high schooler, and a wide set of hips that complemented her fine behind. She and the coach passionately made out as he groped her tits, soon guiding her down to the cold hallway floor as Stephanie beckoned the remaining twelve to gather in a circle around them. As Ally laid flat on her back, her coach, mentor, and now devourer was on all fours above her, breaking off their kiss and beginning to explore her cute little face with his tongue, poking and prodding every nook and cranny as she giggled at the tickling. Soon, he moved downward, lavishing her throat and shoulders with his saliva as he moved and tasted her fresh, beautiful surface, not wanting to miss a moment of his first true meal. Soon, his attentions shifted to her generous breasts. Ally shivered as the coach licked, sucked, nibbled, teased, and blew over every millimeter of her luscious tits. He kissed down her stomach, gently running his fingers up and down her ticklish midsection until his mouth hovered above her drenched mound. He breathed gently on it, as she shook in blind anticipation, which became an unstoppable moan as he lapped up her streaming juices in one long lick, teasing her clitoris with the tip of his tongue. She wished he could stay there forever, but they both knew his mouth had more important things to be doing, as they began their long loving descent down her smooth, creamy legs. She had been moisturizing, shaving, and exfoliating for years, with various lotions and spa treatments, not truly realizing that everything she did had the end result of making her nothing more than a tantalizing appetizer for the muscular man who helped her make everyone she knew proud.
Finally, he reached her feet, and Ally held her breath as he sucked them into his mouth, drenching them thoroughly, and tasting between each toe to her squirming ecstasy, before sending them down his throat as his lips moved hungrily up her calves, suckling her skin from underneath as she passed toward her slimy fate. She moaned and wriggled, trying not to struggle but being unable to resist her instincts as she watched the figure she had worked so hard to maintain for so long, the object of many boys' masturbation fantasies and wet dreams, disappear down the hungry maw of one of the adults she had trusted the most in recent years. She gazed upward at her team, as all her greatest friends stared down at her, unable to control themselves as they rubbed their red kitties raw, some attending only to themselves, some giving their neighbor a helping finger, all of them hopelessly aroused by her oncoming demise, wondering which of them would be next. As she considered the cosmic sort of glory that her fate had led her to, her own hips finally reached the coach's lips, and his tongue shot into her flooding cunt like a viper shooting it's head for the killing bite, instantly blanking her mind with raw, feverish, white-hot pleasure that rushed from her stomach, to her breasts, to her throat, to her head, and out to every extremity as she realized that she was truly, wonderfully about to enter her grave. Her uncontrollable urgent thrashing sank her hips slipping into his throat, as his mouth moved up and around her belly, and he began gnawing firmly on her shapely mounds of fat for the last time. Soon, all that remained outside were her shoulders, arms, and head. As she realized this, she screamed out her final words to be heard outside of her coach's hungry stomach. "Swallow me! Digest me! God, oh G-" Her head sank into his mouth, and all around the room, girls moaned and shrieked and came, some collapsing to their knees in pleasure. But even their own orgasms could not compare to the raw bliss that Ally was experiencing, as the Coach's hot slimy virgin throat squeezed and caressed her firmly in all the right places, as she grinded against the walls surrounding her before being deposited into his stretchy, comfortable gut. She backed against a wall and pushed outward, knowing that the stomachs of first-timers sometimes needed some manual stretching to make a comfy home for multiple prey. For the first time of the night, she finally schlicked her delicate but strong fingers through her slick hole, pleasuring herself as she waited for her friends to join her in this, her home for the rest of her life.
Maxwell was stunned, taken aback at how perfect she had tasted. It had been a new experience, and he had been terrified that he'd choke or gag and snap the poor thing in half on her way down, or worse, that he'd disappoint as a predator and leave Ally regretting her choice to give her everything to him. But as she exploded with pleasure again and again in his throat, and stretched his stomach out from the inside, he knew that, again, it was a job well done. He didn't know what he'd feel after his first time swallowing someone alive. Exhausted? Ashamed? Overwhelmed? He had been wrong. Maxwell didn't feel any of those things. He felt energetic, proud, and despite the huge meal sitting in his gut, hungry. The girls, still in partial post-orgasmic stupor, wondered if they'd have to draw straws again, or worse, if he had decided that one was enough. Their concerns were quickly assuaged, however, as Coach Maxwell reached out from his spot on the floor, grabbing Rikki by the ankle and pulling her foot into his maw. Rikki, a buxom Latina beauty, gasped as she felt her foot engulfed by the warm wetness, and was pulled away from her seat in the arms of her longtime girlfriend Sam, who she had cum together with during Ally's consumption. As she was pulled across the floor, slick and slippery with pussy juice from the girls' frantic cumming, she beckoned Sam to follow her in with a single finger, as she moaned from the powerful sensations of Maxwell's mouth clenching and caressing her calves and thighs like the succulent, flavorful meat they were. Sam, a bit leaner than the others with a deep cinnamon pixie cut that had become her distinctive look, had been the most hesitant of the plan to give their bodies to the coach, but after seeing Ally go out in such a blaze of glory, any reservations had been tossed away, and all she wanted now was to join her lover in the eternal bond of ecstatic digestion. She powerfully locked lips with her girlfriend, placing one hand behind Rikki's head to keep them together, and the other down into her nethers, as their voracious coach slurped them down as one. As Rikki's head finally entered his mouth, Sam's followed directly after, and the two remained entwined in euphoria as they traveled down the throat and were deposited with Ally into the stomach, still more than accommodating for the three tender adolescents. Ally excitedly welcomed her friends, and joined them in a lewd threesome, each one groping and sucking whatever their hands and mouths landed on, desperately climaxing in each others' embrace on repeat.
The more Maxwell ate, the more girl-hungry he became. It was not longer just a hunger of the flesh, but a hunger of the heart, of the soul. These girls were no longer his darling soccer all-stars. They were meat, that had lived their entire lives unknowingly being delicately seasoned and tenderized by every action they took, and interaction they had, all to end up here, as a willing buffet served by the universe. Their entire lives, dashed away in his stomach for nothing beyond pleasure and flavor. He beckoned over Hannah, the unwitting agent of fate that had set tonight's activities in motion when she had snooped in his journal those months ago. Now, he would repay her in the best way he knew how. He buried his face in her crotch, prying apart her tight virginal slit with his tongue, and lapping up every lubricating drop she produced. As she squealed, he quickly detached, flipped her feet up, and masticated her into the building orgy inside his stomach. He seemed to be going faster now, not necessarily on purpose, but as a matter of course as his body adjusted to swallowing prey for the first time(s). Next, April, who had managed to fluster him when the girls had first confronted him earlier. He stood, lifting her off her feet. As his eyes washed over her athletic, taut form, he realized that he had yet to properly fuck any of his sexy snacks before putting them in their place. As he took note of the flavor pocket nestled between her legs, he briefly considered changing that. But April was already too excited, squirming in his grasp and practically prying his lips open to get in, so he decided that any regular-old intercourse would have to wait for another girl, and quickly sucked her tasty form down face-first.
As he went to call another, he suddenly realized there weren't any, and he seemed to be alone in the hall. He squeezed his stomach, to the delight of the one, two... FIVE girls inside. Where had the other nine run off to? Had they chickened out at the last second? He didn't wait long for an answer, as his lovely treasure Stephanie, the meal's ringmaster, opened the door to the girl's locker room, beckoning him inside. Upon his entry, he noticed a garbage can, full of the girls' clothes that they must have worn here. Strewn around the locker room were the remaining nine girls besides Stephanie, each spending their last bits of time on earth very creatively. Rose, a usually meek girl with deep ginger locks adorning her head, was sitting on a sink openly playing with her nipples while Sherry, her twin sister with a much wilder spirit, ate her out with a passion. As he approached, a whiff of wintergreen seemed to stick out from the dominant olfactory sensation of sweet sweat and gushing girlcum, a flavor which he continued to take note of as he gulped them down, still tasting a touch of mint. Three other girls, Tahira, Katie, and Jocelyn, stood under the running showers, water cascading across their shiny skin, molding it's downward path around the hills and valleys of their flesh as they caressed themselves sensuously, visually begging to be devoured. Jocelyn and Katie slipped down his maw easily, aided by their wetness, but discovered when turning to Tahira that she had been standing under ice-cold water, leaving her skin frigid and clammy to the grope. As their eyes met, Tahira managed to shiver out "P-please Coach, I'm s-s-so cold. Let me warm up-p-p." That he enthusiastically did, first toying with her pretty pink pussy to get her blood pumping, then pulling her cool flesh down his greedy throat to his stomach, where plenty of her closest friends could think of some new, fun ways to get her core temp back up.
Then, Stephanie finally guided him back to the actual locker areas, where the last three girls besides her had truly prepared a sight to behold. Laying on a long wooden bench, arms and legs spread, was Tina, the varsity team's youngest player at only 12 years old. According to every regulation in the book, Tina should have been in middle school, not high school. However, she had proven such a masterful player of soccer that she was constantly dominating any other players of her age. That, combined with her precocious nature, was enough to justify an arrangement to move her up a grade level or two and allow her to play on a field with people who could complete. Even among much older girls, she shone. She scored the winning goal at the state championships after a cross-field drive! She was an amazingly young talent, and a few hours ago, Maxwell thought he would miss his chance to watch her develop into the soccer superstar that she was sure to be. But now, she laid on a bench for him, content to die to fulfill her and her team's carnal, primal desires. Above her stood Ava, a typically dour and emotionless student, who was drizzling a bottle of honey all across the reclining figure of Tina, slowly but generously applying a sticky sweet coating to the lithe young girl. Kneeling next to her was Danielle, a bombshell-blonde who was the oldest and most womanly figure on the team, looking at least 24, sporting large motherly breasts on an hourglass figure that just wouldn't quit. With one hand, she was caressing and deeply massaging the honey into Tina's preteen flesh, coating every pubescent nook and cranny with the spreading honey, even pressing the sweet syrup into her delicate slit and tiny puckering butthole. With her other hand, Danielle held Tina's head to her massive left tit, like a mother breastfeeding her child. Gently, but surely, Tina was latched onto the nipple, suckling and softly chewing, trying to draw milk that they both knew was not coming, but still both shivering and moaning with the sensation. Danielle and Ava worked in tandem, each lovingly preparing this beautiful young girl, with such a bright potential ahead of her, to become a mouthwatering honeyed delight, a lovingly-prepared dish fit for a king. He rewarded them in turn, managing to elicit an emotional gasp from the typically stolid Ava as he fingered her ass before sending her to the raucous orgy in his abdomen. As for the motherly Danielle, who he needed to pull away from her sweet suckling Tina, he savored every last bit of her massive motherly figure as she slowly, erotically sunk into the fuck pit below.
At last, lay his penultimate treat, the thoroughly honeyed, scandalously young Tina. He laid a hand aside of her face, which she leaned into while sighing with contentment. Tina had just began puberty a few months prior, as her intense athletic lifestyle had left her slightly delayed hormonally. Under her nipples lay tiny budding breasts, not even noticeable to the outside observer, but extremely sensitive and highly erogenous. He lowered his mouth to them, teasing them with his gentle sucking as he licked the honey off them, sending the girl into pubescent spasms of pleasure. He, like with Ally before, took very special care with her, teasing and tickling her sensitive spots and tiny preteen holes for nearly fifteen minutes before finally beginning to draw her sticky, sugary legs down his gullet, moaning and humming contentedly at the flavor on every millimeter of her saccharine skin, listening to her moaning and gasping in her first true sexual awakening, until, regrettably, he finally sent her to her teammates, so his prey could have the turn with her youthful figure they'd undoubtedly been lusting for.
As Tina did enter the stomach, the sights, sounds, and smells amazed her to no end. Danielle had her hands full, digitally stimulating both of the twin's assholes while they suckled from her massive chest like there was no tomorrow. The lovers, Rikki and Sam, caressed each other and vigorously made out as Jocelyn and Katie ate out their pussies like they were starving. Hannah and Tahira sat slightly away from the group on their own, scissoring, embracing, and making quiet, desperate love without a care in the world. Meanwhile, April had Ava cornered, licking and teasing and groping the stoic girl against her muffled, insincere protestations. Finally, the girl who had been here longer than anyone else, Ally the shortie, squeezed her way over to Tina, greeting her warmly with a kiss, tasting the residual honey on her lips, and pulling her down into the tangle of limbs, lips, pussies and boobs that swirled lasciviously in the slimy stomach around them.
On the outside, it was just Stephanie and Coach Maxwell, whose eyes had become locked one more like at the beginning of the evening, as she knelt down wordlessly, pulled out his completely rigid cock from his somehow still functioning pants, and began stroking it slowly, pressing its tip to her soft teenage lips. Maxwell knew that after what he had seen that night, he didn't have much control left in him, and laid her on the bench he had just slurped Tina off of, spread her legs wide, and buried his dick up to her womb on the first thrust. Both gave it their full-throated all, screaming in raw euphoria as they rapidly approached their climax. He leaned forward, pressing a sack full of her soon-to-be-dead best friends against her tits, as he held both her hands and squeezed them as tight as he could, hammering her vagina with his rock-hard member. They could both feel it approaching, and locked eyes one more time as they climaxed. As her pussy erupted with juices cascading out and drenching both their crotches, he blasted her fertile high-schooler womb with ounces and ounces of steaming hot semen, filling it to the brim with his seed.
They fell to the ground, panting, drenched in their sweat and fluids, admiring each other's beautiful features in a wordless exchange of pure love. Finally, it was time for the evening's true climax, wobbily lifting herself to her feet, and inserting her foot into his maw. He felt true regret for what they had to do, for the first time all night, but also knew he'd be a fool if he tried to spare her now. He swallowed his sweaty, panting, teenage lover, giving her several more orgasms on the way down. As her head finally passed through his lips, he could've swore he heard her whisper a sweet, simple, "I love you." before he passed out in ecstasy.
In the stomach, the captain was welcomed warmly by the team she had led to state championships before, and to their beautiful deaths now. The coach's body, in his unconscious stupor, was in no rush to digest, but the girls could not know this, and entered an unbridled frenzy of sucking, fucking, schlicking, fisting, groping, and anything else you can imagine, indulging every last perverse lesbian desire they held in their hormone-addled brains as they anticipated the imminent sizzling hand of death in the form of rising acid. After several hours of unstopping orgiastic euphoria, the girls finally noticed the acid levels begin to rise from under them, and gasped and moaned at the realization that it was really the end, that they had truly reached the moment of their deaths. As it engulfed their legs, each girl reached for another's pussy, stroking each other to a final, mutual, screaming orgasm as the sizzling acid burned away their nerves and pleasure receptors, resulting in a blissful wave across their bodies as their skin and flesh were eaten away, reduced to nutrient slush before their very eyes. As their mouths opened in squeals of ecstasy, the girls inhaled the acid surrounding them and felt themselves melt away from the inside and out, finally, truly satisfied.
.
As the term was technically over for the year, nobody had actually entered the gymnasium the next morning, so when Maxwell woke up around noon, neither he or the ravaged girls' locker room had been disturbed. He felt his gut, seeing if any of the girls remains were still present, but besides some added pudge, there was not even a lump to be felt. The fourteen girls were now coursing through his blood, building new muscle fibers and strengthening his immune system with the nutrients he absorbed from their sweet gooey end. He stood, noticing a bit of weight gain, but the amazing thing was what he didn't notice: any pain. He walked around, shifting weight on his bad arthritic knee in various directions, and no pain came in response. He took off running out the doors, and utilized several girls' worth of caloric energy to run for miles and miles across the town without ever feeling a twinge of arthritis. The same would be true over the next few days, and when he consulted his doctor, who told him, in no uncertain terms, that he had somehow been miraculously cured of any and all arthritic signifiers, and that he shouldn't expect the symptoms to recur in his lifetime.
Coach Maxwell didn't know if he really believed in fate or destiny when he was outside of a mindset dominated with erotic mania, but he did know one thing: if he could run, then he could sure as hell keep coaching. He called the principal that morning, and explained the situation with complete and utter candor, requesting his old position back straight away. The principal, though he had a few reservations regarding the consumption of the school's finest young athletes, was glad to accept. Coach Maxwell was back where he belonged, teaching boys and girls how to excel beyond what they had ever thought themselves capable of, but reminding them not to let their drive for success stop them from smelling the roses every once in a while. They were only young once, after all, and not everyone got a second chance at happiness like he had. At the end of the day, it was a job well done, but there was always more work to do.
Posted by Kelly 7 years ago Report
Amazing ^-^
Posted by SlipperyPal 7 years ago Report
Thanks!
Posted by 20002000 7 years ago Report
You could do with more dialog but what little you have is hot as hell.
Posted by SlipperyPal 7 years ago Report
Yeah, probably could've had a few more exchanges in there. Dialog has never been the most fun thing for me to write cause I get way more nervous about it's quality than everything else, but I'm glad you enjoyed what was there!
Posted by satanhymn666 7 years ago Report
A job well done~
All puns aside, for your first story you did at least 400% than what I normally write. If there was anything I could fix, I would tone down on the fatality references (as it makes the story a bit dark). But if that was your intention, that's ok. Just a preference. x3 Also, if you prefer to use text formatting (size, bold, italics, etc.), try using Wordpad next time :D
Posted by 20002000 7 years ago Report
Nah fatality is hot.
Posted by satanhymn666 7 years ago Report
Don't get me wrong, fatality is definitely hot when done right. For me, it's a bit difficult to describe, but when its an afterthought or something simply glossed over (like it's a known assumed factor, which makes it all the more casual), that's hot af. Though when it's referenced a bit too much, well, the tone takes a darker turn. lol
Posted by StygianSkies 7 years ago Report
I totally agree, any sense of finality makes it better. Casual is great and all, but the more it's emphasized how someone's future will be permanently ending, the more "corrupt" the action feels in comparison with modern societal values, and that very taboo is the major appeal of the fetish for me
Posted by BardicLasher 7 years ago Report
Great work!
Posted by SlipperyPal 7 years ago Report
Thanks for the compliment!
Posted by Wolfknight130 7 years ago Report
Pretty good so far. I like how it's short, sweet and straight to the point in the eating phases and helped build a subtle atmosphere between him and the girls. My only knit-pick is the 12 year old, not into that.
Overall: Pretty good for a first story ^^
Posted by SlipperyPal 7 years ago Report
Thanks! Yeah man I get your knit pick. Sorry it wasn't to your liking.
Posted by Wolfknight130 7 years ago Report
Well as i said: It's a knit-pick and thankfully it just took me jumping over a paragraph and i could enjoy the whole story. I like that.
I've read stories where if there was something you didn't like whether age difference or gorey details or what ever, they always remind you later like they sneak up on you. This was still a nice story and i even shared it with my girl friend. Looking forward to more from you ^^
Posted by SlipperyPal 7 years ago Report
It is crazy to me that someone would like something I made enough to share it with someone else, much less their partner!!! You just made my night buddy. :D
Posted by Bobrocks 5 years ago Report
HAPPY ENDING!!!