Posted by ShinMegamiDerpy 6 years ago Report

Whichever option makes Fluttershy the Predator, is the option I'm going with.

Posted by TongueCuddlingLouse 6 years ago Report

1

Posted by Hibben 6 years ago Report

1 I'm up for Fluttershy tagging along. Enough hungry rats swarming over and biting her might make her understand why he hates them so much. For all the good it would do her.

Posted by joshfang96 6 years ago Report

I vote 1, seeing my favorite butter horse tag along on
Ratway's job and Fluttershy dealing a situation like this is going to be very intriguing. I mean after all..
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nj5lDgV5PfY

Posted by PonyThroat 6 years ago Report

1, shy is perfect to reform that sewer monster

Posted by Nebbie 6 years ago Report

Hmm, I hadn't really thought about it much in the last chapters, but I think you have issues with punctuation and generally structuring sentences.
For instance: "then he remembered something Flint had died 2 weeks ago." should be "then he remembered something: Flint had died 2 weeks ago.".
Run-on sentence: "And then he woke up, his body ridden with a cold sweat, as he jolted forwards almost falling out of the seat he had been sitting in, his sudden movement causing a startled look to appear on Rarity’s face."
Missing comma and improper construction: '“You want to come with me?” he questioned turning around an eyebrow raised.' should really be '“You want to come with me?” he questioned, turning around with an eyebrow raised.'
Again with missing colon (and wrong sentence end punctuation): "This is the first one, the question simple. Should Ratway let Fluttershy come with him to Manehattan or should her reject her and go alone." should really be "This is the first one, the question simple: Should Ratway let Fluttershy come with him to Manehattan or should her reject her and go alone?"

Just an observation, a proofreader or at least some minor editing with this stuff in mind might help make things a little less jarring to read.

Posted by doomfister 6 years ago Report

i feel that i need a proof reader,though i don't have a clue how i can get one for this sort of material. for some things its learning what they are, like to me (:) is the thing that sits at the start of a list and between the first two and second two numbers on a digital clock. its worth noting that my supposed writing age is 5, so the state never really tried in that regard of my education, as i was a write off out of the gate.

Other things i don't see when i read over it, or in my mind it makes sense. This would easily be abated with someone proofreading it, but i don't know anyone who would be willing to do so. I am kind of scared to ask random folks, as it seems kind of entitled, like being accosted by that crazy guy on the street trying to sell pencils.

Posted by Nebbie 6 years ago Report

I'd volunteer, but my time is sadly quite limited, so I might not be able to keep up.

Your grammar is actually pretty decent compared to the average nowadays, which is better than in previous decades/centuries, but still pretty bad. Punctuation and capitalization are always the hardest.

I wouldn't worry too much about asking people. Just start out mentioning it'd be volunteer proofreading for a story and that the story would be rather sexual and disgusting/disturbing. Just ask somewhere where people who write congregate rather than, like, on the street!

To proofread your very comment to help you get a feel for some more little things, it should be:
"I feel that I need a proof reader, though I don't have a clue how i can get one for this sort of material; for some things it's learning what they are, like to me ':' is the thing that sits at the start of a list and between the first two and second two numbers on a digital clock. It's worth noting that my supposed writing age is 5, so the state never really tried in that regard of my education, as I was a write-off out of the gate.

Other things I don't see when I read over it; or, in my mind, it makes sense. This would easily be abated with someone proofreading it, but I don't know anyone who would be willing to do so. I am kind of scared to ask random folks, as it seems kind of entitled, like being accosted by that crazy guy on the street trying to sell pencils."

The semicolon there is optional, but helps if using a style, like mine, that disallows the em-dash in favor of only using commas or parenthesis to introduce non-essential clauses (the "like mine" and this).

Posted by Nebbie 6 years ago Report

Of course I missed a few things, but you get the idea.